End of Year Thinking

December has always been a time for me to look back at the year to see what I’ve accomplished, what I’ve learned, where I’ve grown. And then to look ahead to the next year with what I want to accomplish, what I want to learn, where I’d like to grow.  In past years I looked back at my morning journal, my daily journal, my tarot journal, my research journal, and my blogs. (Yes, I’m an addicted to journaling – as I pointed out in this blog post.) But this year, I’m dependent on my blogs only as the journals are no-longer.

Looking back at my blog posts this year made me realize that my blog captures not only the what I’m doing but where I am emotionally!

A huge element of this past year was acceptance. While I did not pick a Word of the Year (WOTY) (Jan blog link here), I felt mid-way that the WOTY Acceptance picked me (blog post link here). This year was about accepting friendship reality versus friendship fantasy (blog link here). The support I received post-hurricane further shifted my friendship framework towards a true reality of my friends near and far. This year was about accepting when negative emotions happen and to work through them (blog link here), which has helped me in accepting the post-hurricane grief and dealing with things one day at a time. It was about accepting who I am – an over-thinker, an avid journal-er, a list addict, a planner, more of a do-er than a be-er. And now, acceptance is even more important as I work to accept what has happened (link here to the beginning of that), the uncertainty I still face (link here), and to begin to move forward.

Another big element this year was my use of I Did It Lists. I added a monthly “I Did It List” to help me focus on celebrating the life I am living.  (First blog post about the tool here). This type of list is to be about the little accomplishments, even recognizing that I am keeping the day-to-day routines I’ve established in alignment with my retirement lifestyle vision. It’s been wonderful to see that this tool is one that is encouraged in managing uncertainty (acknowledge the small steps forward) and helping to deal with trauma (start small steps of the recovery journey.) My November I Did It List helped me see that yes, I am re-establishing some normal routines in my recovery journey.

Another element of my look back was recalling my summer project. Unfortunately, that also included a look at how many of my plants I lost in the flood.  Beyond the 75+ plants I had propagated for my two Garden Club’s fall plant sales, I lost an additional 75 of my own plant species (I had over 150 species of plants, I was very proud of that diversity). Some died from salt-water over-exposure, but many were simply washed away! With the uncertainty of next steps for our home, I can’t replace plants at the moment. But, I’m looking forward to the day I will, and my summer study about plants that can withstand salt water storm surge will come in handy. My future plants will be less diverse, but hopefully more resilient.

As I work through my end of year thinking, I’m contemplating:

• Will I choose a WOTY for 2025 or let one choose me again?  Some possible words so far are Patience, Pause, Peace.
• Specific actions to continue to re-establish routines.
  • How will I restart some of my hobbies given the limitations of this space I am in?  I’ve re-started some – new moon Tarot, full moon beach shelling walk.
  • I need to restart travel planning as well. I had just shifted my thinking about travel – it was going to be my October blog post!
  • How can I get back to cardio drumming? My challenge – it no longer fits in with one of my huge exercise needs – easy access!
• What’s my next area of study?  I realized the other day that I’ve done a number of courses or learning programs throughout my retirement and enjoyed all of them. I might not have put some of them into action (no, I am not a retirement life coach nor a grant writer), but each has certainly helped me learn more about myself.

Even though I continue to have moments almost every day that the grief overwhelms me, that irritability overpowers my patience, and that I feel the frustration of one step forward, two steps back, I am working through it.  The support I’m getting both IRL and on-line has been amazing to me; it DOES help! My mantra continues to be, “I’m not OK, but it’s gonna be alright.” One day at a time.

Picture Credit; from my walk in the Botanical Gardens this week – getting out into nature is helpful in my recovery journey

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