When I first retired, I had no idea “what I was retiring to”. The experts all said that was very important to know before you retired. But 55-60 hour work weeks with even my non-working hour’s mind-space occupied with work thinking didn’t leave me very much time to figure out what that was. When I retired, I had limited hobbies, no exercise program, and no idea what I wanted to do with the next phase of my life.
Not knowing what I was retiring to was a big problem and one I still hear from many people – they just can’t envision what their retirement will look like! I talked to someone the other day who went back to work only because they couldn’t figure out what else to do with their time.
My attempts to solve the problem of defining what retirement would be for me resulted in me reading 40+ books on retirement (that’s the researcher in me) and then writing my own book with what I learned that worked for me (and that’s the synthesizer – link to my book here). Looking back at this transition time now, many years later, I’ve realized I still use some of the tools and approaches I learned back then.
I thought it might be interesting to point out what tools and approaches have “stuck” with me. Links here to posts about Retirement Lifestyle Domains Nov 2021 & Aug 2020 – questions for the bigger picture overviews.
Connections/Relationships was a big Retirement Lifestyle Domain I needed to work on. Since my work provided the bulk of my social affiliation & friendship connections (80% was the number I claimed), this was a critical element for me in early retirement (link here to early post on this topic). I had to pull out the tools again as I struggled with connections as we made the Big Move to Florida (link here on that post).
I am still being intentional on building connections. This might sound a bit extreme, but as part of my intentionality I keep a list of my friends and pick 2-4 people a month to intentionally reach out and make a connection – wine, coffee, or food; walk & talk or sit & chat; IRL or virtual. I have also come to accept that I am the “designated planner” for my local tribe and regularly plan activities and invite others to join.
The Retirement Lifestyle Domain of Healthy Living was another key area that required habit changes (an early post on that topic – link here). I am happy to say that being active has become a habit! I now have an exercise program of sorts – I enjoy my beach walks, beach yoga, and cardio drumming. While I don’t follow any of the traditional diets (vegan, Keto, raw, whatever) I do try and add in more fruit, limit processed food, reduce sugar, and eat healthier.
I still regularly monitor my Emotional Awareness (tool I discovered early in retirement – link here) and keep up with body maintenance (i.e. all the check-ups needed). I learned that I personally need structure & routine, which tends to disappear when you leave working full-time, so I keep a weekly activity calendar including scheduling alone (Just Be) time!
The Retirement Lifestyle Domain of Hobbies/Leisure Time is one that has morphed over time as I’ve explored different activities. Leisure time in retirement can be anything you want it to be as it is unique to each individual. My New Experiences Tracking tool (one post here) is a fun way for me to push myself to continue to explore new activities. I sometimes will still use one of my early tools of “Try It On” – the concept of picking one activity and do it for one month, first used in doing a month of yoga (link here – Jan 2017). I also review my activities every season to make sure they remain aligned to my core values.
The Retirement Lifestyle Domain of Personal Development/Generativity is probably the domain that has had the biggest shift since I started this Retirement Transition thinking. When I left my full time work career, beyond losing 80% of my relationship connections, I also lost my Sense of Identity as I defined myself by my career role. I was a cynical, critical, pessimistic workaholic and recognized I wanted to change that.
I spent a lot of time trying to define who I was without my job title. I took many different approach’s – understanding my strengths with VIA Signature Strengths (link here to find yours – plus blog post on all my favorite Self discovery tools), exploring Archetype profile, Enneagram profile (plus my blog post here on that topic), Spiritual Strengths, and even Love Languages (link here). All these tools helped me figure out who I was without my job,
Learning about and then putting Positive Psychology into Practice (Summary post link here) has made a dramatic change in my life! Some of the elements here: daily gratitude, savoring life moments, investing in experiences, and working on mindset shifting (recognizing self-limiting beliefs and negative thought patterns). I’m happy to say I am no longer the cynical, critical, pessimistic person I used to be!
A few other tools that continue to play a role in my life:
- I still use Possibilities Lists (link to original post) to inspire me to continue to explore new things/experiences.
- I have a Lifestyle Vision Statement and often use vision boards. (See links here to blog posts on Refining your vision and another in-depth look here).
- I use my Jolts of Joy (link to original post) & a different way to think about them as Glimmers (link here) on days I need them.
I was amazed at how many of the tools and techniques I began using in my early days of retirement transition I still use to this day!
Did one of these tools and techniques sound interesting enough for you to go back and explore in its original post?
Picture credit: An evening sky this week.
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I always enjoy reading your blog updates but this one especially so.
Retirement IS different for most people from working life
I just recently “retired” from a 5 year voluntary role as an Ambassador for Head & Neck Cancer Australia & it was ok to let go finally of the last official type role (I’ve always found titles a help!) in my life
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Denyse, Congratulations for 5 years in that role! They were lucky to have you. It’s odd to be without a “title” of any sort. I understand why people take on part-time jobs or volunteer roles. Sometimes I fall back on blogger or amateur crafter as my title these days!
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I don’t know that I worried about what I was retiring into, if that’s what we’re calling my lifestyle. I more like drifted into I Give Up– and was relieved to find myself there. I know that I went on a search for meaning for a while, finding my archetype, learning my Enneagram profile, reviewing my Myers-Briggs, BUT ultimately I truly morphed into myself during the pandemic. Staying at home calmed me down, focused me, and seems to have given rise to a blogging career. I’m probably the outlier on this subject.
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Ally, not an outlier. Many folks move into retirement more organically. Me, I need systems and processes and frameworks. Always did. Part of my systemic approach included a “search for meaning” including trying to figure out who I was without my job title… and yes, I looked at lots of the same things. I love that you’ve found your blogging career… your readership and comment response is truly inspiring to me!
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Pat, your systematic approach to retirement is a contrast to my more organic method. I did contemplate who I was without a job & realized that I could be more of who I was without the constraints of the 9-to-5. Always a believer in a holistic approach, I thought of my life in concentric circles with me in the center surrounded by family/friends then community at large. It also included attention to mind, body, emotion, spirit. My mission statement: To look after myself & my home. Your post made me think of those things from my work life that I’ve brought to my retirement life – assess, plan, execute, evaluate (cornerstones of the nursing plan). I’m a list maker & thrive on the sense of accomplishment I get when an item is crossed off. I still schedule “off” days where I let the day come to me vs me taking control of the day. Life is good in retirement; best job I ever had.
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Mona, I am going to steal that phrase – “retirement is the best job I ever had”! I recognize for some folks, it happens organically. My need for structure and process is deep. Of course, I love your need for lists (list maker here as well). And I’m also so aligned to your mind, body, emotion, spirit — fits exactly where I landed on my systematic approach. Interestingly, my systemic approach to was something I brought from my work life! I hadn’t really thought of it that way.
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Sounds like your book, Retirement Transition, an innovated approach, was very helpful to you! I found it to be a great book with very interesting ideas that a lot of people might not think about! I bought a few copies and have given them to friends. I bought on Amazon!
I’m pretty happily retired! And I think a lot of your ideas are extremely helpful for figuring out how to enjoy retirement!
Jolts of Joy and Glimmers are the links I went back to. I want to start my day happy!
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Candyse, Thank you for buying copies of my book to give out! I’m honored. I realized after looking back at my old post on Jolts of Joy that I need to rethink them (times change) and push for some new ones into daily living. But, to this day, I still write with a fine-tip blue pen (an original Jolt of Joy for me) and smile whenever I do.
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I really enjoyed your summary of your journey into retirement. When you write about learning who you are without your work persona, that resonates. I’m going through that now, and I’m also using the principles of Positive Psychology to anchor to. I feel very grateful for another opportunity to “decide who I will be when I grow up.”! Thank you for sharing your journey!
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Sometimes I think I am still learning who I am without my work persona! The other day, in a deep conversation, someone pointed out to me I still rely on my work-persona to define myself. Not my career role, but that persona. It was a shocker to me, but when I thought about it, true.
It’s wonderful that you’ve also found the principles of Positive Psychology to anchor to! I’m so glad I’ve discovered them and work them into my daily living.
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I read many of your posts when I was planning my retirement. Interesting to hear what you choose to revisit as time goes by.
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Annie, It was in fact a surprise to me to look back and realize what tools I still use. And it was a fun way to revisit some of my older posts.
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Hi Pat – I had absolutely no warning (and no plan) when I ‘fell’ into early retirement. I thought I’d be working for another 10 years. I approached it differently to you – maybe more “organically” but that has had its ups and downs too. My blog post today is on 3 lessons I’ve learnt from a more Unbusy retirement and I’m also learning that everyone’s retirement looks different – as soon as I start comparing I find I’m quesioning if I’m doing enough etc.
I do love how much you’ve mellowed since leaving that stressed and over-worked version of yourself behind. I think I’ve softened and settled over the last few years too – and it’s from stepping away from the daily work grind. Retirement is the gift that keeps on giving – in different ways for each of us.
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Leanne, Some people do it organically – my husband in fact is one of those people, too! Sometimes I envy that flow. Me – I need process and structure. And yes, I have changed, although I’m not sure I like “mellowed”! But I totally agree – retirement is a gift!
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I think I need to go back to the beginning of your retirement plan posts! My husband and I own a remodeling business being taken over by our son (slowly). My husband is “semi-retired” and 65 and I am 63 and not there yet. We have always spent a lot of time together through the business and at home. But his things he likes to do (ride his motorcycle, fish, garden) are not really things I enjoy doing. But, I’m not sure what I would enjoy doing not work related! I think I’m clinging to work because of it (and I still have to take care of the financials and I like doing the social media and taking project photos). It’s tough!
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Nancy, Not that I’m pushing my book, but you might find it helpful to start thinking about what you might enjoy doing that is not work related. It contains many worksheets and questions to ponder. Some of the tools are in my earlier blogs, but the book really does walk you through a process to figure out what might come next for you. The answer won’t happen overnight… mine took a few years to develop and then it’s morphed a couple of times since as well. Good luck!
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Thanks! That might be what I neeed!
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