September Randomness

But first, a house recovery moment. My house recovery “mental load list” started with 40 items. Then I added 18 more items over the next few months. Only 20 things have been check-marked done. I know I can celebrate that, but there is still so much to manage through. Some of the mental load items are things I cannot control, but still take up mental space. For example, we learned of a delay on the exterior door installation because the door-installer had an accident at the job before ours. Luckily, he will be OK. But a week delay for us, shifting things around Then, the tilers realized they miss-estimated on the shower tile and we needed another case. We had bought the last case in the store when we bought our tile, and actually had bought an extra case at that time! The store had remnants, again luckily, and so we sorted through to find the best individual tiles to buy the extra ones needed. Tile work continued – not checked off, but you can see the status in the header picture. And we also decided to lean in and do a “smart home” control system. So that was added to the list – items to confirm, installation to schedule.

Random quote of the week: “Your pain does not need a permission slip to be real.” There have been times that I feel like my pain/grief is unworthy. That my struggle has not been bad enough. Isn’t that an ironic way of feeling not enough? I’ve even been told to, “just get over it” as others have had it worse and gotten over it. So, hearing that quote actually gave me permission to feel what I feel.

Random question of the week: “Are you around people who punish you for being yourself?” And to that I was, “wowzah!”. The “friend” who says, “you’re too sensitive”. The colleague who criticizes everything because nothing you do is good enough (even though it’s amazing to others). The team that took all the creative work away from you and left you with just administrative tasks. When will I move away from those people? And lean in more with the people who let me be me – sensitive, creative, well-organized, strategic, detailed and databased. The ones who are appreciative of what I bring to the table.

Random awareness on people-pleasing. Another aspect of being a people pleaser is the response to nobody else volunteering is you feel an intense expectation to raise your hand. Or intense guilt when you don’t volunteer. Oh yes, this is me! Happened this week again. I volunteered when no-one else did (setting up and selling at a plant sale; 8 hours in the heat, minimal appreciation). And then didn’t volunteer for something else and I am still feeling guilty about that!

Was there a random insight for you so far this month?

One thought on “September Randomness”

Great insights as always Pat – and well done on solving the bathroom tile issue – I bet you gave a big sigh of relief when you managed to get those extra tiles. Nothing hugely random in my world, but I did get a reminder the other day while reading that anxiety stems from trying to control everything in our world – we try to control stuff to reduce our anxiety, but it often ends up adding to it when things don’t follow our carefully laid plans….

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