The Ordinary

As I contemplated a blog topic for today, I noted that the only phrase underlined in my morning journal entries this week was, “Ordinary acts anchor us in the present.”  Perhaps that is the answer to my underlying question, “I am doing the work, so why doesn’t it feel like I’m healing (emotionally)?”  I recognize we are still in the trauma of losing the house, which stimulated other trauma responses for me personally as well.  Perhaps, recognizing the ordinary acts this week is part of the healing!  The ordinary acts that also bring my retirement lifestyle into reality.

I know that focus on the present (and being grateful for it) is part of changing my narrative. That new narrative includes, “I do enough. I have enough, I have always been enough.”  And more recently, “I don’t need to be useful to be worthy.”  Practicing gratitude, noticing the daily glimmers, setting boundaries, and being kinder to myself are all also part of the emotional healing work.  So, let’s look at the past week, being in the present, and the ordinary.

I have been ignoring (trying to!) the house build continued delays.  Dry-wall install was delayed, but external siding was done and dry-wall was at least delivered!  And no, there is not a Final Timing yet. Our general contractor is loath to give me one since we have had so many out-of-his-control delays. Unfortunately, that question is asked all the time, “When will the house be done?” I need to figure out how to not let that question cut deep with the reactive thought, “I’m incompetent in managing this project.” I definitely need to continue work on internal thought reactions!

Focus on the ordinary to stay in the present and living my retirement lifestyle every day. I continue to love my cardio drumming classes. Of course, the future worrier in me comes out about the fall and winter classes. My garden club events restart in September and they are Monday and Thursday mornings, same mornings as cardio drumming. And snow-birds fill up the Saturday morning class to overflowing.  It is so hard to stay in the present, isn’t it?

Focus on the ordinary to stay in the present.  I harvested two pineapples from donated-to-me pineapple plants! (So sweet.) I dove into a creative mode synthesizing my reading on tarot perspective and then crafted and printed a tarot guidebook for myself.  I got hubby to help with a group paddle at our not-yet-built house.  Despite the can’t-sleep-all-night-before worry (there’s my hyper-vigilant state still acting up!), no one got injured walking through a construction zone to get out on the water.  And yes, it made me realize that paddling mornings will be on the ordinary things to plan once we are back in the house.  (Wow, staying in the present is a work in progress!)

Focus on the ordinary. But is it ordinary or is it a shift in my thinking? I saw this question in an article about being the Good Girl and maintaining relationships: “Do the people you talk to on a regular basis reach out to you regularly to see how you’re doing and invite you to various things? Or are you the one who’s always texting or calling or planning first?”  It continued with this advice: “Take a step back from being the one who always initiates contact and observe who reaches out and who doesn’t….. you’ll know which relationships to continue cultivating. Those who are worth keeping in your life will put effort into your relationship.” This week, I had two different friends reach out to me.  And both made me feel so good, as I have been doing less reaching out and planning.  And it’s been painful to see how I’m now not in contact with a number of people who I thought were friends. But, the present – a great catch-up call with an old friend and a delightful pre-birthday dinner and conversation with some newer friends – friends who appreciate me for who I am, not what I do. Both ordinary things (chats and dinner), but extraordinary in fact.

Changing my narrative. Creating the habit of focusing on the ordinary moments of the present. (Obviously a work in progress). Celebrating the small wins. Noticing those who appreciate me for me, and not for what I do.  I am doing the work. Healing is happening.

All in all, a good week. An ordinary week. A work in progress week.

What ordinary acts did you find enjoyment in this past week?

Picture header – the second floor siding is almost complete on the house.

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