I read the following quote somewhere a couple of weeks ago and it has stuck with me:
“Unsolicited advice is just criticism in disguise.”
And too often criticism has my inside voice shouting, “See, you are not good enough”.
A couple of incidents this past week made me think about that and another thing I read – about there being “power in the awareness.” Awareness of seeing the pattern, and that awareness being the beginning of change.
With this week’s incidents, I definitely caught the criticism triggers! And while my initial reaction was an immediate, “you are not good enough,” I was able to catch it and ask, “is there truth in what was said to me?” And the fact was, no, it was not true. One incident was a completely false accusation, criticizing my handling of a situation. The other was a litany of unsolicited advice that attempted to point out my (non-existent in this case) inadequacies.
And while this might seem like a small thing, it was big to me. I caught the trigger. I recognized the pattern. I had a triggered nervous system response in both incidents, but I didn’t spiral down. And I recovered quickly.
It made me think about any type of critique I get (or give!). Is what I’m hearing designed to help me grow (improve) or is it designed to make me shrink (point out inadequacies)? Is what I’m telling others designed to help them grow or to point out inadequacies? And how can I work on making sure it’s the first!
Awareness – seeing the patterns. Awareness of when the scarcity mindset sneaks in (blog link here). Awareness of when the “you don’t belong” voice creeps in. Awareness of when I react with feeling not good enough and stop to recognize the unsolicited advice (criticism).
“Seeing the patterns starts breaking the power of them.”
How do you view unsolicited advice? Has awareness helped you to start breaking your patterned reactions?
P.S. House update. Minimal progress on the house itself. Irrigation system is back up on line (quite the saga for that!), so maybe we won’t lose the entire lawn to drought. Waiting on window delivery.
Photo credit: I love when my Jeep receives a duck “in the wild.” This is a US Jeep thing – You leave someone a little rubber duck to bring a smile to their day. It’s common when there is a Jeep event, which I’ve gone to a few. I call getting one at random “in the wild”. Yes, I’ve left ducks on other Jeeps in the wild! This reading one was at a local parking lot and it inspired me to work on finishing a book I’ve been reading for over a month (a long read for me)..
Copyright © 2026 retirementtransition.blog – All rights reserved.
retirementtransition 
My mother was an expert at providing unsolicited advice (criticism). I’m not sure I ever truly learned how not to be defensive. With other people, I’m less likely to react, unless they are prone to doing this a lot. I do have one friend who always has an answer and is also too helpful. Does that make sense? She starts doing something when I haven’t asked for help and really don’t want it. I love her to death, but I can only take so much time with her. (She’s like this with everyone.)
LikeLiked by 1 person
I understand that type of person. I had a friend always jumping into “help”, when I never wanted any help (and certainly not the thing she thought was help!), and then leaving me a mess to clean up. She also was always stating, “I knew that”. I’ve had to distance from her, so she’s now more of an acquaintance. It’s sad, but healthier for me.
LikeLike
“Unsolicited Advice or Criticism in Disguise” 🥴
Reading that I realize I am guilty of that myself with the woman who works for me. I toss out my 30 years of experience as advice (please don’t hate me!)
Henceforth my lips will be zipped…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I had to wonder myself how much unsolicited advice I give….and realized, I often will ask first, would you like some ideas/some help on that? But, I have done the, “this is how I might approach it”. I really try and avoid the “you need to do this” or “you should do this.” I personally do value experience. The incident that really sparked this post was someone who was not an expert at all … in fact, I am the expert in the area. So her litany of “you should do this and this and this”….really irked me!
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOVE the Jeep ducks. What a wonderful tradition.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ducks! I have a slew of them on my dashboard. I guess I’ll need to get a picture of that at some point. And yes, every time I get one, I get a big smile on my face. I really do need to be giving out some of my own more often!
LikeLiked by 1 person
My comment wouldn’t post (I am increasingly frustrated with WordPress!) I view unsolicited advice as worth exactly what I paid for it. 😊
>
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are so right! My challenge is to not “hear it” as “you’re obviously inadequate”. Getting better at that bit.
I’ve had issues with wordpress comment posting on other’s blogs… thanks for your persistence. I always enjoy what your POV is!
LikeLike
Hi Pat – that quote about criticism was one I shared a few weeks ago – it also impacted me strongly because it’s something we all need to take onboard in regard to receiving and giving! I’m very impressed with you being able to shrug off those two incidents – I’m still very quick to feel hurt when someone is unkind, but (like you) I’m also getting better at putting it back into their court and not taking it onboard for as long as I would have previously. It’s good to see ourselves growing isn’t it?
Re ducks and Jeeps – a friend told me about this a couple of months ago – so it’s now an Australian thing too apparently 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Leanne, Sorry I could not recall where I read the quote so I could link you in. I jotted it down in my journal and it’s been coming up again and again in my head. It has really helped me shrug off things. It is good to see growth, although at times I feel it’s two small steps forward, on large step back!
LikeLike