Mentally Tired

~ patwdoyle11

The words showing up repeatedly in my morning journal these past few weeks were: scattered, frustrated, tired. I’m feeling mentally tired. I talked about mental load in a recent blog (link here – energy flow) and it really is weighing me down.

I looked at the list of items I’m juggling on the house build, and it’s over 30 things long. Lots of them are “follow-up on” to confirm things get done.  Yes, our general contractor is meticulous on his focus on getting a quality execution, but he does not stay on top of things for scheduling. I knew this going in. There’s a quote that goes, “you can only have 2 of 3 things – cost, timing, quality.” We choose cost and quality this time. In the past, once we chose timing and quality (ouch on the cost!) and another time, cost and timing (never again; the timing was a lie). So, it was a choice, but the slowness is frustrating. Staying on top of things is mentally stressful. And yes, the length of time means I’m second-guessing decisions and making changes.

There is also the (inevitable?) things going wrong.  Maybe it’s the dark cloud I feel is over my head, but once again, we’ve had build issues. The granite we selected, upon delivery to the fabricator showed signs of crumbling on the back side (the side you can’t see at the store). The fabricator rightly rejected it. We are back to square one on finding granite and selecting matching bath and kitchen tiles. Then, during the window installation, it was discovered that 2 of the windows were the wrong size. Or the opening for the window was the wrong size? Anyway, they don’t fit. Yes, it can be fixed; just another delay. And now, I’m second guessing if we need to pre-wire for a smart-home. Apparently, it’s the thing for resale. Not that we are thinking of selling soon, but still, it will happen at some point!  Even with an elevator planned. I doubt this is our final home.  

I struggle to celebrate the small steps forward. We have ordered appliances; we have selected floor tile. We (finally) got the irrigation system up and running (a saga unto itself) to save some of the landscaping. Half of the front yard grass is totally dead. But half is coming back. There are 19 windows installed (yes, there are 21 windows in the house!) and all the rough-in electrical, plumbing, mechanical is done (after 6 weeks of creeping forward; each subcontractor has so many jobs they are juggling).

On top of the house mental load, I’m still dealing with my club projects. While I am distancing myself from the drama and triggering elements, I still have sense of responsibility (I am still on the board of directors and an officer) to make sure things are happening.  The organizing planner in me also gets her fingers into the planning and organizing.

And then there’s the health side of things. Hubby ended up in the hospital again (yes, twice in two months) with kidney stone complications. His recovery has been slow. My own recent testing has me dealing with a series of minor procedures (just some down time) and a mental challenge to deal with – I’ve got the same physical condition that my mom died from complications of. So that all adds to the mental load.

The natural pessimist inside me is alive and well. I’m focusing on all the negatives. My fuse is short as I blow up at every small thing going wrong. I’m being whiney. And feeling a bit hopeless. My putting positive psychology into practice has flown out the window (one of those open ones where the window didn’t fit – yes, pun intended). I really need an intervention!

So, how did your week go?

Picture: Some of the 19 windows!

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Published by patwdoyle11

Life is a series of transitions and my blog captures my retirement transition journey.

12 thoughts on “Mentally Tired”

  1. Wondering if you could download some of the 30 items to your Hubby? It is his house too. Letting go is hard but he could do some follow up calls. Time and patience are hard when there is no time and patience runs out because there is no time…remember big deep breaths and a gratitude moment at sunset or bedtime. Those are my thoughts.

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    1. Bernie, I appreciate the sentiment and he has taken on some things. But follow-up calls is not in his skill set at all! I’m working on the big deep breaths, the gratitude moments, and being kind to myself, knowing that this too shall pass, we will get through it. Not that this week was any easier, but I do know we will get through it, eventually!

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  2. I’ve found that I do better if I focus on one day at a time. My mind keeps wanting to go beyond that, and sometimes you must, but I’m trying not to let my schedule get to me. No, I’m not going through a major build process so it’s a little easier to do, but it’s too easy for me to let future events dominate my thoughts and drag me down. Let yourself feel good about what you do accomplish each day, no matter how small.

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    1. You are right in focusing on the little things. I am going to my drumming class (today), my yoga class (tomorrow). I’m reading books for my book clubs. We’re doing our monthly museum outing and theater dates. I’m reading blogs, and yes, even got one written…even if it was a “poor me” one! Yeah, focus on what I am accomplishing versus what I actually have very little control over. Thanks for the intervention. 🙂

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  3. Girlfriend, you have a lot going on!!!!!! And I mean a lot!!!!! You are handling things pretty dang well! I know none of my words are helping but I think you should reread those 3 sentences over and over again especially the last one. I wish I had some marvelous words of wisdom for all of this but I don’t, other than, “this too shall pass” (some day!!!!!). Keep trying to relax as best you can.

    I keep trying to come up with something that will help but I got nothin’.

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    1. Candyse, So, we went out for dinner the other night (anniversary dinner!), to a place we had been before and loved. I was hoping for an indulgent dinner, some wine, maybe dessert to splurge. The restaurant had changed owners and it was not at all indulgent! No specials, nothing indulgent on the menu, and she brought the check with a “you probably don’t want dessert” statement. Seriously. This is how my life is at the moment. But, you are right, it will pass. The house will get done. It has helped for folks to remind me that there’s a lot going on and I’m doing the best I can.

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  4. Pat, you have a lot on your plate, she said, stating the obvious. But it’s all moving forward. Distancing yourself from the ‘drama’ is a positive step. Now, maybe consider letting go of a couple of things that require your time or presence. You know what to do, and you have all the tools. One day at a time…

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    1. Suzanne, I recall a quote I used often years ago – “the knowing doesn’t always make the doing any easier”. I’m often thinking, I’m using all the tools and still, I feel like crap. But I guess if I wasn’t using the tools, it could be much worse! I’m going for some little jolts of joy this week, and some downtime – reading a book, playing with crafts. And yes, recognizing it is moving forward, at a snails pace, but forward.

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  5. It really is a case of two steps forward and one step back with all of this Pat – you are progressing, and things are happening – just more slowly and more disjointedly than you would like. I think that’s the problem when we have to let others do things – they never do them as well as we would (if we had the skillset!) Sorry to hear that you’ve both got health issues on top of it all. My suggestion would be to rest – to leave some of the less important stuff on the list to wait a bit longer, and to focus on regaining some of your inner zen – then the rest will be easier to handle. Hang in there xx

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    1. Leanne, Interestingly my June calendar is a bit wide open. I need to think of some little indulgences for myself to reset. So this week, some planning on that. And yes, continuing the plugging and chugging… the build is in fact moving forward, at a snails pace, but forward. We do have 19 windows installed, and a roof.

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  6. Now I jump though all the hoops and it says “Sorry, comments are closed for this blog.” I’m going to work with computer guru coming tomorrow to see if there’s any hope for me & WordPress. Meanwhile, my comment — maybe you can post it for me — was:

    My Relentless Optimist is sending a hug to your Natural Pessimist. May next week be better!

    Peace & renewed strength to you & Husb.

    Fran

    Fran Moreland Johns 1450 Post Street #704; San Francisco, CA 94109 Landline: 415-351-1336; Mobile: 415-361-6020 http://www.franjohns.net http://www.franjohns.net/; Substack – franmorelandjohns

    >

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    1. Fran, so odd, as comments were not closed. I was able to get it posted, so thanks for your persistence! And your Relentless Optimist Hug is very much appreciated.

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