I’m having anticipatory grief. Our plan is to move this spring. I’ve lived in Cincinnati for over 30 years and I really do like living in the city. I’ve realized there are a few things I am really, really going to miss:
- Seeing S & L grow up. I’ve not been great at being a godmother. In general, I don’t have any good “mom skills” as I never really had desire nor need to develop them. But I had hoped being godmother to S would help me develop some good “aunt skills” and maybe impact someone young as they grew up. Knowing we will continue to drift apart (distance) is heartbreaking.
- Our neighbor L. She is one of the kindest people I have ever known. I’ve worried about taking advantage of her – she watches over our house when we snow-bird in Florida and it is always “no problem” for whatever I ask her to help with. I doubt we will ever have as great a neighbor as her.
- While it’s a bit silly, I’m going to miss the Cincinnati food scene. I know the range of restaurants in this town, the players (chefs), and the specialty shops. I love trying the new places and have a few favorites. I’m going to miss our foodie group, which is really just connected on proximity and food of course. I’m going to miss having an insider’s knowledge of the food scene and wonder if I’ll ever get one in our new location.
- Even though a lot of things shifted with the pandemic, I am going to miss the wine dates and walk & talks with various girlfriends. Similar to how friendships shifted when I stopped work with many just fizzling out, I do expect some of these friendships to fizzle away as they are based on proximity. I know I will miss them – will them miss me?
- There are other routines I will miss. I’ve already seen my few volunteer activities fizzle away with the pandemic and then more so as I anticipated our move. I didn’t renew our season tickets to the Playhouse, which was another hard moment. We were 30-year subscribers there and going to live theater is on of my favorite things to do. The sadness is harder perhaps than just the pandemic impact, as I know they won’t be back ever. Yes, I have post-pandemic plans in our new location, but it’s sad to see so many of things I love to do go away
It’s an interesting phenomenon – this anticipatory grief. I know, having gone through retirement transition, what to expect from relationship and routine changes. I didn’t have anticipatory grief when I retired, because I wasn’t aware of things I would miss! Now I know – some things will change immediately, some will just fizzle away. But things will change.
Did you see things (relationships, routines) fizzle away with your retirement?
Picture Credit: an inspiring rock I was given at the local Garden Club – very appropriate!