The other day an old friend commented to me, “Quite the journey you have been on since starting retirement. This was not supposed to happen (in reference to the hurricane).” And it made me think, what was I expecting retirement to be like when I began the journey? And were my expectations societal? Personal? Realistic?
Looking back, I did recognize that retirement meant I was leaving one lifestyle and needed to create a new one. The lifestyle I was leaving was 100% career/work focused with no work life balance at all – no exercise habit, no hobbies, no volunteering, no healthy eating. I had few friends outside of work and with my critical thinking skills, I was always seeing the negative side of things. Yes, I was an overthinking pessimist on everything. This was great for project management (and career advancement), but not so good for daily, stress-free, joyful living.
I expected to continue to work in retirement, as it was an early retirement and that was what everyone expected me to do. So, I created a consulting LLC, signed on with multiple consulting companies, actively worked networking (I had monthly targets!), and at one time was putting in 40 hours a week on projects. At least I could choose the projects I liked doing, but it was still mostly a working lifestyle. I also explored the idea of a second career as a Retirement Life Coach and went through the entire training and certification route. After a few years, I finally moved away from working and declared my work-life balance was, “I worked for 32 years, so now I will live for 32 years.” And it has taken me years to not feel guilty about stopping working!
I “tried on” many things to create an exercise program I would do regularly and identify hobbies I enjoyed. It took a long while to find volunteering that “fit”; volunteer work felt like another expectation of retirement. I recognized my friendships were based on proximity (work!) and consciously focused on making new connections, time and time again as we did the full-time move to Florida and then had many friends leave the area because of the hurricanes.
We planned to do the “snowbird” lifestyle, splitting time in Florida and Cincinnati. Hubby hated the cold and I hated the gray winters in the Ohio river valley. We both enjoyed our time in Florida – my hubby the water-lover and me, because I felt more freedom. We downsized in Ohio to make this happen, but our other responsibilities made it more like 5 weeks back and forth, resulting in me not feeling rooted in either place. I eventually agreed to move full time to Florida, a huge change leaving a place I knew, regular activities I had created, and retirement friendships I had cultivated.
I expected to travel, as it was what everyone else seemed to be doing in retirement. I had the list of all the places I had never visited and “should” visit. (Another societal expectation of retirement?) But we had our cottage in Florida and did the back and forth taking care of two homes, so when was there time to travel somewhere else? I also realized I no longer enjoyed the travel planning, and the actual traveling was stressful as well. Yes, I loved our trip-of-a-lifetime African safari. But other smaller trips had as much stress as enjoyment involved. And so, travel planning went way down on the things to do list.
My exploration into my retirement transition (summarized in my book – still available on Amazon! – link here) taught me tools that made the early years of retirement easier. I still use many of those tools even now, like possibility lists, a retirement lifestyle vision based on core values, and regular assessment of activities against that vision. And that retirement transition process included a “refine” step, which has been helpful as we hit major unexpected life changes, from dealing with cancer to living through the Covid pandemic, and from managing the Big Move to losing our house in the hurricanes. The “Big Move Possibility List” had 110 new things to explore!
My old friend was right, our life today is not at all what I imagined our retirement lifestyle would be when I started this journey. We had to shift our thinking when things didn’t work out as planned and adjust to things out of our control. I’m so glad I decided to actively practice the tools of Positive Psychology (no longer that pessimist; still an over-thinker though), that I’ve had a supportive hubby on this crazy journey, and that we have had the financial security all those years of working provided. I’ve been living more short-term recently (focusing on getting back into our home), but I do wonder if I should think about what the next 10-12 years of our retirement journey might be. Some of those items on the early Possibilities List with a try-it-on mindset did result in many every day, weekly, or monthly routines!
Has your retirement journey matched to your early plans?
Header Picture – for those following the house recovery project… we have drywall! They already started the “mudding” and exterior paint could begin this week (rain dependent). We had to re-think the bathroom’s tile (everything we picked out a few weeks ago is no longer available) and the kitchen design (non-custom cabinet sizes not aligning to our design vision). So it’s been a busy house week… finally!
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Hm…did my comment not come thru? Perhaps in spam?
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Bernie, I did check spam and it wasn’t there. Bummer.
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Darn. Will rewrite it.
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Yay! Sheetrock!
I like to travel but I have to say, traveling to and from Alaska for a cruise last year just did us in! I prefer driving and we did that in June to Nashville and Memphis from Connecticut. Right now I’m happy to stick to the continental U.S.
We sold the remodeling business to our son in January and I’m now managing to work 4 days a week. Which I only started in July! But it’s a start. My husband works maybe 3 hours a day checking up on jobs.
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Nancy, I’m thinking maybe a couple of US trips in the next couple of years…once I have the house reset. We enjoyed our road trip to St Augustine FL and Charleston SC a couple of years ago. And it felt less hectic without having to deal with flying.
It’s been stated that a slow lead into retirement can make it easier… 4 days to 3 days to 2 days working, half days working. It allows you time to explore other things, the things that can take over some of the working hours. I of course went “cold turkey” and then started working again as it felt expected! Now, I like my slower days, having time to read books and do crosswords, going to classes I enjoy, picking up projects I like to do (whether volunteer or my own personal ones). I’m looking forward to getting back in my garden (weeding even!) and having my crafting area available. It’s really about figuring out what you like to do.
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Thank you for that encouragement!
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I know it’s been such a long time coming but you have walls!!!!! At least that’s a step in the right direction!!!!
As far as what I thought retirement lifestyle might be as compared to what it is, mine is different as well. I thought I had mine pretty well planned out!!! I was going to dance (competitively), workout all the time, and travel. Mine didn’t turn out quite like that either. Life happened. And the best laid plans went a bit asunder. I’m still trying to figure out what my new plan looks like and life keeps going. I often feel like I’m just going with the flow. Often frustratingly so. Sometimes easily.
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Candyse, Oh yeah, “Life happened!”. It was a bit eye-opening to look back at what I had envisioned my retirement to be and then to look at it now. I had quite a number of big shifts. As we get back into the house, I want to try and create (re-create) some of my habits that went askew. I miss my whine & wine calls, my foodie friends dinners. I want my “go with the flow” to be more intentional on things I love to do. How’s that for contradiction!
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Hi Pat – I’m so happy for you that your house is moving forward at a more observable pace now. I’m sure you’ll find the perfect tiles and figure out the cabinets as needed – your planning skills will come into play!
I feel exactly the same about travel as you do – I realized that I no longer enjoy the planning, the process, or the stress enough to balance the enjoyment of a new place. I don’t even want to be away from home for months at a time that would be required for a big trip – I’m just happy being a homebody. I think a lot of the noise around travel in retirement belongs to the days when people had to wait until they retired before they did any travel – I feel like I ticked a lot of that off earlier when I was still working. I just LOVE not working, and not basing my life around a job….retirement just feels like a really good fit – maybe not exactly as I’d envisioned, but still a joy in every possible way.
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Leanne, I think I’ll continue to feel challenged by the travel “expectation” as so many of my friends and acquaintances do travel. I need more homebody friends! Of course, it might become easier when I have the home I want to be in, the garden to play in, and I can bike again to things. And yes, that day is becoming more and more clearly defined (finally!).
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Totally agree with your thoughts about travel. I’ve accepted I’m not Rick Steves especially since travel isn’t a “business expense” like it is for him. You are much younger than I am but I’m finding it very sobering to realize this is probably my last decade of being physically capable. Yes I expect to still be active in my 80s but reality is I already can’t climb up our cherry trees to pick cherries like I did a few years ago. It is already very clear that it’s harder for me to walk our 1/3 mile uphill driveway. I do it much slower than I used to. I have to start thinking about the likely fact that in 10 years I’ll probably be a widow. So yes, I’ve started to casually look at senior/assisted living options in preparation for 10+ years from now.
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A bit sobering. Although I do know a number of folks in their late 70’s who are still very active, yes, they have slowed down. I know the last attempt at travel, I was already pacing myself on planned hikes. Of course, I sprained my ankle (severely) on the first hike, so didn’t see if that pacing was right. I’ve looked at the Continuous Care Communities for both my SIL (Cincinnati) and my mom (local here in FL), so I’m aware of them in both areas. And yes, I can see myself eventually going into something like that, but hopefully not for a long while!
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Very true but we both, I suspect, can’t help thinking 10, 20 years out no matter how much we tell ourselves to focus on the moment. Why do I need not only Plan B but Plans D thru F!! 😉
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