My Third Place?

I received an article link from a blogger friend about the importance of a “third place” in retirement and dove into the concept! (Here’s the original article link.)

A “third place” refers to a public gathering space, outside the home (which is considered your “first place”) and your workplace (which is considered your “second place”). Coined by sociologist Ray Oldenburg in 1989 (!), your third place is a neutral, highly accessible, and inclusive environment where people regularly connect, socialize, and build a sense of community. Third places are centered around a common interest that fosters community and casual socialization. They can be community facilities, local businesses, or open/green spaces. They must be convenient to visit and comfortable to stay in, and are NOT a “grab-and-go” experience.

The current psychological assessment is to live a balanced, happy life, people need engagement in all three realms – at home, work, and in third places. And when number two (work) is deleted from your life (aka retirement), the third place can become even more important for combating loneliness and maintaining cognitive health.

The third place is the immortalized Cheers bar with Norm or the sitcom Friends’ Central Perk. It’s the regular coffee spot, the dog park, a regular morning walking path, a regular gym time, the local brewery, your community garden, your church community, or even a senior center. It’s many places and different for everyone.

I’ve never regularly frequented any place enough for it to become my third place! And yet, I’ve always had a desire to be a “regular.” I want a restaurant where the waitstaff recognizes me. I want to shop in stores where the clerks recognize me. I want a place where people are happy to see me walk in the door. I want a place I can go hang. But, what have I done to meet these desires?

Yes, I have my current exercise classes, but if I didn’t show up for weeks, would anyone notice? I stopped yoga for a year after the hurricanes; and a few years ago, I switched my cardio drumming company when my class time need shifted. Neither place noticed enough to reach out as to why I was no longer there.

I must acknowledge that I have a third place just a bit. At my local (live) theater, the staff does know me and seem happy I am there. At my garden club meetings, everybody does seem to know my name. And even conversations in JT’s living room can feel like a hangout.. But, I need more. Both because I desire it, and psychologically, it’s needed!

Where can I begin to really generate this third place moving forward (when I am back into the house)? Hubby and I sat at a local wine bar this week, and I felt that sense of “this could be my third place”. (I would need to figure out the trolley schedule!) Do I start going regularly to the local library to make that my third place? Pick a restaurant and go “every Wednesday”? Go buy coffee every day at a local coffee shop? Is it time to pick up pickleball or mahjong? Options to explore!

Do you have a third place and if so, what is it?

P.S. Photo is from our monthly museum visit – FloridaRama. I thought it was appropriate for how I’ve been focusing on other things this week! Playing with a name for our new house; playing with tarot cards, visiting a wine bar.

P.P.S. Minor house update. We finally did get spray foam done (delayed again) – so no visual update.

4 thoughts on “My Third Place?”

What timing!! Literally the same day as your post, Stitch Yarn Studio in Covington posted itself as a “third place”. I’d of had no idea what it meant if I hadn’t read your post.

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I struggle with this as well- as my need for a third place is in conflict with my need for variety/novelty. I don’t have just one brewery, there are two regular ones that we mix up with others for the variety. We aren’t church people and rarely go out to eat. So my “third places” tend to be groups rather than locations ie book club or a women’s group events.

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Hi Pat – I’d never heard of this before, but it does make sense. I think we all need to feel a sense of community outside the very small world that we have in our home. I don’t have one place, but I do have a neighbourhood daily walking route, a regular coffee shop (the staff change regularly though), and a church that I attend. Each serves in its own way to connect me to others…..but I don’t feel like I’d be particularly missed if I stopped any of them. Maybe that’s why my home life feels so safe and so important to my mental and emotional health?

I hope you find your third place when you’re settled in your new home. x

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The soccer team is our third place…so the fields they play at and depending on the time.of year 2 different bars. And yes they know our names. They even know my beer preference. I often wonder where our third place will be when we both retiree from soccer. It has been our social life for 25 years.
Good on you for looking to where that third place should be for you. Bernie

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