Contemplating my Navel

An extremely (overly?) introspective blog post.  Perhaps even an exercise in useless self-contemplation, hence the post title of Contemplating My Navel! Perhaps. But in some of it, I was attempting to move beyond the contemplative “what it is and why is it” to the “so what do I do about it” action. I’ve always been a take action, so-what girl.  Even with a huge tendency to overthink, I am still a do-er!

June was a tough month.  The delay on the house construction and the continuation of challenges in our current living situation combined to making me feel constrained. (Restrained, trapped, stuck? – yes, searching for the right term!) I had to push myself to acknowledge that even when the environment/situation is constraining, I still have choices. I am not a victim; I am a survivor. What choices am I making that are keeping me feeling stuck?

I’ve been reading quite a bit.  The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and The Gift by Edith Eger were both recommended to me recently.  Blog posts in tinybuddha.com and aconsiousrethink.com, among others, pop up into my feed regularly.   The topics range, but many focus on recognizing I need to believe in my own worth, to continue to be self-aware (and changing my thought patterns!), and to continue work living each day with joy.  I obviously connected to messages that align with my belief in autonomy!

Here’s some snippets of my contemplation:

Self-Awareness

I thought it was intriguing that most people are not actually self-aware. While 95% of people think they are self-aware, research shows only 10-15% actually are!  Am i arrogant to think I’m ion that 15%? Being self-aware is being genuinely curious about the inner workings of your thought & behavior patterns. That I do; I am an over-thinker! And, while I think about thinking a lot (and post about it, too), there were a few aspects of self-awareness that made me realize I have more work to do.

• Self-Awareness incudes understanding your impact on others.  Did your actions truly align with your intentions and your intentions align to your values. Was the impact positive or negative, and if not as intended, are you dealing with the consequences?
• Self-awareness is being able to pause between the stimulus and the response (not just autopilot react). Respond, not react.
• Self-awareness is listening to input and modifying your self-perception.  [Of course, confirm the inputs with multiple people!]. It is both wanting to change when your thinking patterns of self-perception are not serving you and then doing the work to change those patterns.

Victimhood

Victimhood is optional. We get to choose how we react.  Why me? That is looking back, looking for someone or something to blame, and being the victim.  What now? That is moving forward, focusing on what I can do, evaluating options, and being the survivor.

Self-worth

The question of “Do I believe in my own worth?” came with some very clear examples to answer that question.

• Do I define my self-worth by hard work, external validation, and/or being of service to others?
• Am I prone to deflecting compliments, diminishing praise, minimizing the skill something takes?  Do I feel guilty for taking credit for having skills to do something, minimizing it as I think it’s not mastery?
• Am I constantly trying to accommodate other’s needs (when I plan activities)?  Am I extensively apologizing when things (events I plan) don’t work out perfectly? 
• Do I criticize myself for every little mistake, believing it shows proof of incompetency (lack of worth)?  Do I hear neutral feedback as criticism – telling me once again, “you are obviously not good enough”?
• Do I feel guilty for putting myself first?  Feel guilty for establishing barriers against a toxic situation? Feel guilty for not reaching out and losing the relationship? Feeling I need to justify an indulgence? Feeling I need to apologize for doing something for my own needs?

My self-worth is tied to me being the good girl. My (lack of) self-worth is linked to my fear of abandonment. I realized that a number of times in the past, when I did not accommodate others or meet their expectations, it became apparent that I was not worth engaging with further (not worthy) and they abandoned me I am addicted to doing what needs to be done. “If I am useful enough, I will not be abandoned.”  I also worry about there being nothing underneath that good girl persona.

Going Forward

I found some really powerful thoughts about words:

• I can’t means I won’t.
• Trying is lying.  You are either doing it or not doing it.
• Change “I need” to “I choose”  Not forced, not obligated, not expected.
• And of course, never “should.”

Moving from contemplation to action, I will continue to use mantras to shift my beliefs.  (I wonder how long it will be before I truly believe them!)

• I do not need to prove anything to anyone; I do not need to prove my worth. I do not need anyone to validate who I am.  I choose to validate my own worth.
• I will stop hearing criticism in neutral comments. I can choose to integrate the feedback or choose to ignore it.
• I will choose my response to the situation, not autopilot react.
• I do enough. I have enough. I am enough. I’ve always been enough.
• I have the strength, resilience, and the ability to create the life I want to lead.  I can, I will, I choose.

There is still work to do on my part: How do I stop myself from always “doing what needs to be done,” (so I am useful)?  How do I figure out what’s underneath the good girl persona? I expect some more contemplating my navel in my future!

Are you one of the 15% who truly are self-aware? Do you believe in your own worth? How often do you “contemplate your navel”?

P.S.  We have stucco – picture in header. Siding delivery and hopefully dry wall to follow this week.

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