Power in the Awareness

I read the following quote somewhere a couple of weeks ago and it has stuck with me:

“Unsolicited advice is just criticism in disguise.”

And too often criticism has my inside voice shouting, “See, you are not good enough”.

A couple of incidents this past week made me think about that and another thing I read – about there being “power in the awareness.” Awareness of seeing the pattern, and that awareness being the beginning of change.

With this week’s incidents, I definitely caught the criticism triggers! And while my initial reaction was an immediate, “you are not good enough,” I was able to catch it and ask, “is there truth in what was said to me?” And the fact was, no, it was not true. One incident was a completely false accusation, criticizing my handling of a situation. The other was a litany of unsolicited advice that attempted to point out my (non-existent in this case) inadequacies. 

And while this might seem like a small thing, it was big to me. I caught the trigger. I recognized the pattern. I had a triggered nervous system response in both incidents, but I didn’t spiral down. And I recovered quickly.

It made me think about any type of critique I get (or give!).  Is what I’m hearing designed to help me grow (improve) or is it designed to make me shrink (point out inadequacies)?  Is what I’m telling others designed to help them grow or to point out inadequacies? And how can I work on making sure it’s the first!

Awareness – seeing the patterns.  Awareness of when the scarcity mindset sneaks in (blog link here). Awareness of when the “you don’t belong” voice creeps in. Awareness of when I react with feeling not good enough and stop to recognize the unsolicited advice (criticism).

“Seeing the patterns starts breaking the power of them.”

How do you view unsolicited advice? Has awareness helped you to start breaking your patterned reactions?

P.S.  House update.  Minimal progress on the house itself. Irrigation system is back up on line (quite the saga for that!), so maybe we won’t lose the entire lawn to drought. Waiting on window delivery.

Photo credit: I love when my Jeep receives a duck “in the wild.” This is a US Jeep thing – You leave someone a little rubber duck to bring a smile to their day. It’s common when there is a Jeep event, which I’ve gone to a few. I call getting one at random “in the wild”. Yes, I’ve left ducks on other Jeeps in the wild! This reading one was at a local parking lot and it inspired me to work on finishing a book I’ve been reading for over a month (a long read for me)..

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