It’s been a few weeks since my last post. The forward momentum on the house (we finally got a build permit) grounded to a halt with immediate complications due to incompetency and vandalism. Things out of my control, but massively impactful on our (lack of) progress. And then there was the repeated requests for information (mortgage, insurance) versus forward momentum there – send the same information once again. And the added challenge of living in an apartment with screaming children outside. (No, it is not a joyful noise of kids at play.) Since each delay, repeated request, and blood-curdling screech felt like a body-blow, I wrote about endurance, but then did not want to complain to the world with an “Oh me, Oh my” blog post. Hence, radio silence.
It’s an odd feeling from the mental body blows – beyond the underlying nausea of stress, there is both a feeling of nothing-ness (a void) and a heaviness (a slog). I’ve tried to ignore the lack of forward house momentum with distractions, filling up the void with projects and tasks so I don’t brood about the house. And subsequently, I have taken on too many projects. Then, I feel like I’m slogging through the project tasks, not mentally sharp, juggling them, making mistakes, and feeling like nothing I’m doing is good enough.
Unfortunately, I’ve also created a bad habit – I’m tending to swipe through my email and FB feed even before I open my morning journal. But, on the positive side of this, Spirit of a Hippie seems to “talk” directly to me almost every morning (link to her FB site here). This morning’s paraphrase: “There’s a limit to how much you can pour outward. A limit to how much negativity you can absorb. Today, step back, switch off, slow down.”
I do need a step back, replenishment day as I feel so drained and beaten up. Maybe more than one day, but let’s start there!
I need to stop looking at the news, which terrifies and drains me. I need to put aside the worries – about the house, about doing things wrong on the various projects I’ve taken on to distract myself, about not being good enough. I need to release the doubt and take on hope. Hope that things will begin to move on the house build. I need to focus on gratitude. I am grateful we have a place to stay until the house is final. I am grateful we have a general contractor who I trust to look after our best interests. (He was not the incompetent one, he figured out a solution!) I am grateful we have the financial security to rebuild. I am grateful to my hubby and friends who do try and help me replenish. The blog’s header photo was a morning spent with hubby at The Florida Aquarium, which has a wonderful bird exhibit – definitely some replenishing time.
Switch off. Slow down. Hope. Gratitude. Replenish.
On the positive side of things, I do see the light at the end of the tunnel. We do have a lovely house design and we do have the build permit. I tell people we are “building an open concept, beachy, ranch-style house, 15 feet in the air.” I have a blank slate garden space to landscape design. That’s a positive way to think about all the plants and trees we’ve lost. It will all happen.
So, my patience has become endurance. I’m finding inspiration on line. And today, I’m attempting a replenishing do-nothing day. Well, failing at it, as I’ve already written this blog, checked off 3 items on my to-do list, and plan on working a bit on 2 different distraction projects.
What do you do to replenish yourself when you’re feeling drained? Any insights on how to simply do nothing?
Picture: A favorite bird of mine – we don’t often see Rosetta Spoonbills in our coastal beach area as they prefer marshy areas; the ones at the aquarium were very used to people being nearby!
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During my melancholy days I find it hard to focus on much of anything, so I usually end up watching a sappy romcom or two. Walking, working out, doing something productive usually gets me back on track.
I hope your new house plans include an elevator!! Love the photo of the Spoonbills.
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Suzanne, I lost many of my go-to sappy romance books that I’d read and re-read for years. Yes, I had stacks of them from favorite authors. I considered repurchasing and did get just a few, but not the stacks. I did however download the next 4 in a new mystery series I’m reading and indulged in an afternoon of reading there. And yes, it helped.
Yes, an elevator is in the plan.
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Watch some mindless TV!! It’s a good day for binge watching. Definitely cures me.
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I did a “binge read” … does that count? I’m not much of a TV watcher and, believe it or not, have not figured out the TV at all in this apartment! But downloaded the next 4 books of a series I’m reading and dove in there. And did not feel guilty (mostly) when that was all I did all afternoon.
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Binge reading is just as good. I rarely give myself permission to spend a whole day reading, but I should more often. Four times a year, there’s a cross stitch marathon weekend. I love doing that because I get to spend three days doing just that. I’d say anything that keeps your mind busy with fun stuff is good for those kinds of days.
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I am rooting for you as I understand very well the anguish and the overwhelming feelings that you’re experiencing. I procrastinated as I wasn’t feeling well and now the work pile is way high. In the past few months I went out for coffee and walks in nature to get away from it all but now there’s no getting away. Major work has to be done before Winter and it’s already cold and dreary here. I suggest taking small breaks from it all, like going for tea, lunch or walks. It’s so lovely where you live. I know all about kids and noise. The neighbors decided to look after some kids and it was hellish for years. That and dogs barking all day long. I almost lost my mind. I had to live with earplugs … my best friends. You’re in my thoughts and prayers. 🧡
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Yvonne, I think one of the things bugging me is this time of year here is usually open window days – warm days with low humidity, my favorite season to let in that fresh air. But that lets in even more of the screaming kids noise. But, planned a friend walk this next week and spent time this afternoon with my book club friends. Some days are draining and some are replenishing, and just trying to get more replenishing ones in.
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That would get me too with the house set back. The quote is so true that you mention in your post: “There’s a limit to how much you can pour outward. A limit to how much negativity you can absorb. Today, step back, switch off, slow down.”
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Hi Pat – as far as a Do-Nothing Day goes, I don’t think you have to do nothing, rather it’s about doing some of those replenishing things – create, or do a few small tasks that can be ticked off without stress, or go out for coffee, or enjoy those weird pink flamingo like spoonbills 😀 It’s about turning the pressure down in whatever way feels calming for your personality type.
I do hope you share some of your house plans and building progress once it gets started, and maybe try to be a little less demanding of yourself – you’re only one person and you can only handle so much. And by the way, screaming kids Do My Head In! So I extend my full sympathy in that area. We have new neighbours who’ve brought a basketball hoop with them – I’m not looking forward to the bounce, bounce, BANG that will be on repeat when it’s set up…. sigh…..
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Yes, the spoonbills was as an attempt at replenishment, a fun date with hubby and seeing some of my favorite birds up close.
Oh dear on the basketball sounds. Hopefully it will not include screaming and screeching as the one in our complex seems to include that more than the bounce noise! And yes, once building begins, I’m sure you-all will hear and see that progress, or lack thereof as I’m sure there will be delays in the future.
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Wow! I am so sorry that the house process is taking so long. It’s understandable that you feel stressed and out of sorts. I’d be a bear if I was going through that. I’d say that you should spend a day doing activities that you love and that truly bring you peace and fulfillment. The other stuff can wait. I hope the house progress accelerates from this point forward. Best wishes.
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Bob, good to hear from you. I spent a lot of time this past week on distractions … so not focusing on the lack of house movement, as there is nothing I can do to move it along. It helps until I think about the house and then, boom – anguish and doubt. Even though comparison isn’t healthy either, it does make me realize that there’s a lot worse stuff happening to many people. And so, I just keep chugging away.
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When I need replenishing I have a pyjama day. I languish in bed with coffee. The to-do list becomes the don’t do list. A walk in nature helps the replenishment. Water intake is important. I call this my cow theory. Let me explain. During a time of angst, I was even mad at the cows grazing in the pasture. The buggars had nothing to do but eat, drink, walk, rest & poop! I came to the realization that the only thing standing in the way was me. Now, when I feel out of control, I apply the cow theory. It helps me to regain a sense of control.
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I adore the cow theory! I attempted a second do-nothing day during the week and did add in reading, so not quite a cow-day, but closer. Not quite a complete don’t do list (like that idea as well!), but a day spent lounging around and not trying to “get it all done”. Definitely helped. I’m keeping the cow-theory day in mind though.
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