I read an article a couple of weeks ago about “signs your mental health is suffering” which laid out some clear, every day types of signs (versus vague “anxiety” or “hopelessness” references). And it is apparent mine is suffering as I can check the boxes on a number of the signs:
- Life just feels heavy. There’s been a heaviness in my chest for weeks. I struggle to get out of bed many mornings. I never feel truly rested in the morning.
- Simple tasks feel insurmountable. Yes, I did not plan 2 new events because figuring out where to park felt insurmountable! I’m putting off doing a number of financial things as they feel too complicated to work through.
- More reactive. Small things are extremely annoying. I’m struggling with road rage, clutter rage, and even some I-don’t-want-to-ask-for-TLC-you-should-know-I-need-it rage.
- Zoning out and watching life versus living it. I started watching reels on Facebook, which I’d never done before… and that takes over my time for hours now. I’m constantly checking my phone – messages, Facebook, email.
- Avoiding normal activities. I’m not crafting. I’m not gardening. I’m barely cooking. I’m even struggling to read a novel.. (Yes, that Facebook reels thing is taking over!).
- Self-doubt. Compare & despair, second guessing, massive anxiety about decisions (made/making wrong decision). This sign rears its ugly head almost daily!
If I know my mental health is suffering, what am I doing about it? I’m seeing a therapist. I’m practicing gratitude. I’m looking for moments of joy, connecting to nature, journaling my feelings, and looking at my small accomplishments.
Today, I used the “I Did It List” tool I started using last year (link here) to look at my small accomplishments in March – both on house recovery and on life living. There was progress on the house recovery – we have a final floor plan and some of the mechanicals done, we finalized the insurance payouts (after 5 months), and demo began on the house but is frustratingly slow (and there’s a big issue with it). Life continued with cardio drumming, book clubs, garden club meetings, friend chats, and dinner dates – all things I love to do. My therapy, which includes an Accelerated Resolution Therapy technique for trauma, is helping.
We even took a mini-road trip last week to get away (both mentally and physically) – visiting Cassadaga FL, St Augustine FL, and Charleston SC. Lots of walking outdoors, lots of looking at great architecture and beautiful gardens, a few really good meals, and some imbibing. I also realized I don’t remember my US history very well.
My April plans look full, life wise, as it is a busy month for my clubs – everything from one garden club’s plant sale (I’m co-chair) to helping set up my other garden club’s flower show (I’m leading the horticulture set up). My community organization has both its Egg Hunt and Scholarship awards this month. I have a couple of day trips in mind as April weather is usually perfect. And because of that weather prediction, I also want to make sure I’m spending time outdoors. The past week of being outside a lot seemed to help my reactivity (or maybe it was the good company, good meals, and imbibing?). And the house recovery will continue in April, and maybe not as slowly.
I’m trying to stay positive with both the house recovery and the personal, mental health recovery. Patience was my chosen Word of the Year, and continues to be appropriate!.
What do you think of looking at every day signs to understand if your mental health is suffering?
Picture: Azaleas were in bloom in the gardens in Charleston!
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Bless your heart & your perseverance. Sending kindness vibes from afar.
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Last year I was feeling down and I started a Tiktok obsession. I was WASTING hours and hours scrolling on the app. Once I realized how bad it was, I took steps to limit my time with the full awareness that I might have to delete the app to ‘get better’. I’ve got a better control on it now (Tiktok has an internal timer that pops up after an hour) but there are days I will still waste too much time scrolling. FB reels is a little harder as most people are not going to delete FB to get rid of it. May I suggest setting a 1 hour timer on your phone before you start just so you can actually see how easy it is to spend that much time scrolling? I was so shocked the first few times I did that – I couldn’t believe how quickly that time passed without my conscious awareness of it 😳
I’m glad to hear you had a get-away and enjoyed yourself, being outside does tend to lift my moods. I love walking around Charleston seeing all that history – and very thankful I didn’t have to live through it.
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Sharon, Both cities were fun to walk around and both had such high and low points in their histories. Interesting that both are at high points and both have tourism as the backbone of that high. I’m going to need to consciously figure out more walking…. back 3 days and less steps, more reels again! 😦 Our temporary housing location does not lend itself to nice walks.
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What do you think of looking at every day signs to understand if your mental health is suffering?
This makes sense to me. If you’re paying attention to your daily life and how you’re thinking about it, then you’d know, if you’re honest with yourself, how your mental health was doing. Like if you go for a walk and realize your right knee really hurts, then you’ll focus on caring for it. Same with personal awareness of anything about yourself.
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Ally, great analogy! We (I, for sure) so often don’t think about caring for our mental health nor noticing when it starts hurting. It’s not just ibuprofen and ice to the rescue.
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I think looking at your daily signs is a very good idea. They will help you know that you still need to work on yourself. You know it’s important to take care of yourself during all of this. Also, I think checking in with yourself will help you continue to realize that you can’t forget about yourself and keep working on you which I think could be easy to forget about with everything else going on. Giving yourself credit for the small accomplishments along with the bigger ones is a great way to realize that you are doing things and getting things done. Also, planning when you’re in a good place for things at a later date can help you do those things that might feel overwhelming when the day arrives.
Even though I don’t have nearly anything going on like you, I find that I have to make myself do things. I’m not happy with my body (you remember how important body image is to me) and it makes me not want to do anything because I have to “put clothes on it”. Somedays, I really have to tell myself that I will not stop.
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Candyse, There have been a number of days I didn’t want to get up…but then, there’s a dog to walk. Not just let out into the backyard, but put on a leash, find shoes, maybe something on top of the PJs….cause people are leaving for work and going to school and I don’t need to scare the world with how bad I Iook. My I Did it List actually helps me see that yes, I am doing things – house recovery is progressing, even if it feels so darn slow. And I’m in a better place at the moment – therapy? road trip? random ups and downs? Not sure, but sure am worried I’ll jinx it!
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It sounds like you are making good progress and that you are allowing yourself to enjoy non-house related activities.
I, unfortunately, have also discovered FB Reels. They are dangerous time sucks, that’s for sure (but they also make me laugh, and that’s a good thing).
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Janis, I’ve found a number of comediennes I quite like. It feels mindless and relaxing, but such a time waster. I am trying to minimize my time on the reels!
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Pat, I can relate to so many things you mentioned. It ‘s so hard to get going when you’re suffering from depression. Everything is a chore. People who haven’t been through depression do not understand but at least you’re doing things and getting support.
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Yvonne, A friend the other day used a working term for her life at the moment… she said she didn’t have the band-width to engage in our club activities. I completely understood her! It takes effort to plan to go to something, effort to have conversations… and somedays there’s just no gas-in-the-tank for any effort – mental or physical.
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Glad you are paying attention to your mental health and not ignoring it. I’ve never had to deal with anything on your scale. On my dark days of dealing with teenagers committing crimes, termination packages, etc. I would say to myself, would you like to change places with CD (co-worker) who just lost her 5 year old son to brain cancer? Ok then, let’s move on. Not meaning to minimize the weight you carry at all. I can’t imagine the toll dealing with all the uncertainty would do to my mental health. Wish I had a magic button for you to make the path clear and straight.
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One of the best things (there are actually a number of them) that my therapist said was, “do not compare your trauma to anyone else’s”. I was feeling guilty for feeling like I couldn’t handle it… because no one died, we are not homeless, I’m not still in the shock/denial phase (unfortunately some are), we were able to save some personal things (some didn’t because of their shock). Then I was feeling incompetent because others were moving forward with recovery faster. So the “don’t compare” reminder has been helpful – because every one deals with trauma differently. I’m learning my way to manage trauma is to do, and now that there was nothing I could do (most is out of my control), I spiraled into depression. I too can wish for a magic bullet to make the path clear… but reality is, it’s going to continue to be a long and twisty road.
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I tried est many years ago. It was all the rage at the time but IDK if you’ve ever even heard of it, let alone remember it! Anyway, one thought that has stuck with me through most of these years, is that most of us live our lives as human doings vs human beings. The point was that doings don’t really make us who we are and that we just handle whatever we deal with as beings, if that makes sense.
What I got out of it, and which has saved me from becoming too paralyzed or too depressed when I’m coulding, woulding and shoulding all over myself, is to just be with myself and nothing else. In my old age, where the only thing I really have to take care of is myself, it has become much easier to just tune out all that noise and do it guiltlessly.
For example, to get through my most recent meltdown, to shorten its intensity and duration, I allowed myself to just be and to spend most of a day or two binge watching Shogun. By the time I came back to the real world and other real world issues, I was in a state of mind to just let the thing go, that I would face it if/when it became a real/immediate problem for me. In the end, it resolved itself before it got even close to that point!
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I am trying to do less… which is very hard for me as a do-er. This weekend, i sat on the couch for most of it. In some ways it settled me, but in others I feel disconnected. Why didn’t I at least sit outside? Go for a walk? coulda-shoulda-woulda… I hear them all in my head!
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Hi Pat – thank goodness your insurance has been sorted and the demo is beginning. As we progress through our bathroom chaos I feel a fragment of your pain and frustration. I will say that once the demo and destruction is done and the rebuilding and construction gets underway it will feel more positive. That being said, I could relate to your reactiveness – I yelled at our old cat this morning because she was getting under my feet – the poor old girl didn’t know what to do with that!
Hang in there – keep distracting yourself with the positive stuff of life – and it will get better – this is just your annus horriblis. x
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Leanne, I know to keep focusing on the positives, but some days it is just hard as so much is out of my control. I can relate to your yelling at the cat – we’re now in an apartment and every time our dog needs to go out, it’s get the leash and take her out. No more just open the door to the back yard. Many times, I’m, “what again?!?” also, no more for her (or me) just sitting outside for hours. I do know it’s not her fault that she’s used to being outside a lot and she can’t be here. Yes, in time it will be back… too much time as I’m quite impatient. We just passed the 6-month mark of the hurricane. We cannot set a time frame on the build until we have permits in hand…and there is no timing on how long that will take!
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