I’m a thinker. Okay, I’m an over thinker. It’s the contemplative part of my retirement lifestyle vision statement. [And yes, even in the craziness that I’m living through right now, this retirement lifestyle vision statement still feels right. And it feels good to be re-engaging in it.]
Active Body, Connected Heart, Creative Spirit, Contemplative Mind.
Thinking is also part of my values (I value critical thinking, intelligence, and expertise) and one of my strengths. So, imagine my shock when I read the statement, “You are not your thoughts”.
I needed to unravel this idea and it did begin to make sense. All your thoughts are filtered through your belief systems. And your belief systems probably contain self-limiting, conditioned beliefs – things left over from childhood, from societal programming, from life traumas. Change your belief systems, change the filter, change your thoughts.
I’m beginning to realize that there’s a corollary to “Just because you see it on the Internet, doesn’t mean it’s true”, and it is, “Just because I think it, doesn’t mean it’s true.” I’ve worked on self-limiting beliefs multiple times (here’s a few links May 22, Jan 22, Apr 20… did I mention I’m an over-thinker?), but realized some of my self-limiting beliefs are still deeply ingrained.
- Why do I still try to be accommodating to others in everything I plan? And, more importantly, feel guilty if I am not accommodating?
- Why do I often feel unlove-able? And so often feel that I’m not a good friend?
- Why do I often feel I’m not doing enough? That I’m failing at retirement/life because we don’t travel like others do or I don’t have back-yard gatherings or have a everyday exercise routine?
I seem to have more challenging of my self-limiting beliefs to be done.
Then there’s the aspect that the words we speak are based on those thoughts. What we say shifts the perception of our life experiences and impacts the writing of our life story. What you focus on becomes your reality! What stories am I repeating? What am I constantly complaining about? Am I focusing too much on things to complain about and things that are going wrong? Are my thoughts and words too negative?
Overthinking, perhaps. But as I struggle in trauma recovery, am I allowing negative thoughts to dominate my thinking? And so, I came across some new ways to interrupt negative thoughts. Perhaps a boost in positive thinking will help!
- Make a list of all your successes and accomplishments in the past year and then immerse yourself visually in those memories.
- Every morning as you yawn and stretch focus on a core value word that gives you a sense of meaning. Perhaps it’s my WOTY – Patience!
- At the end of the day write down 3 small things you did well or accomplished, and then take 2-3 minutes to savor them. Also write down 3 things you feel grateful for. I do these activities are part of my morning journaling, but many recommend doing it in the evening… perhaps a new bedside notebook is in order!
- When you find yourself ruminating on a worry, fear, or doubt, “just say no.” Tell that inner voice to shut up! Or use cognitive reframing: Are you exaggerating? Is your worry real? What small step can you take right now to resolve it?
- Notice how much you’re retelling the negative stories and complaining about people, places, things. Stop the complaining and determine what small step you might take to resolve it, if it’s within your control. If not within your control, accept “it is what it is”.
- Practice loving-kindness meditations. This has come up many times and I have not yet implemented it as a habit!
“May I be happy, may I be well, may I be filled with love and peace.
May you be happy, may you be well, may you be filled with love and peace.”
Change your beliefs, change your thoughts, change your words, change your reality. A good reminder for me at this moment of life. And so this over-thinker becomes more aware – I am not my thoughts!
Have you worked on identifying and changing your own self-limiting beliefs? Do you find yourself in a complaining mode too often? What other tips do you have for recognizing your thoughts and shifting your thinking?
Picture credit: Sunset at the beach last night. Definitely a glimmer!
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I’ve come to believe that life is one long continuous path on which you are forced to confront your self-limiting beliefs. Can’t dodge them for too long because you’ll fall off the path, into [I dunno] weeds of despair? Mud that’ll keep you stuck in place? Something like that.
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Ally, You know I love all the life is a path metaphors, but now you have me worrying about falling off the path or being stuck in the mud. Well, life at the moment does feel a bit like slogging through the quagmire!
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I’ve had this struggle for far too long but with constant attention I’ve gotten a little better in recent years. Once I recognize what I’m doing I will literally tell myself to STOP! Sometimes even out loud! Then I’ll force myself to focus on something good or kind or happy to break the pattern. It’s not easy…sometimes it still takes me too long to recognize it which frustrates me even more 😂 Just have Patience (see what I did there), the hardest part is recognizing it in the moment but it does get easier.
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Sharon, Awareness is key, and you’re right that often that awareness takes some time to filter up in the brain! And then, even when I recognize the self-limiting belief, it’s not always that easy to set it aside. Why are we so hard on ourselves? Yes, making these changes requires patience. And self-kindness! Little steps.
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This meshes well with my morning pages today. I was noting how I cause myself unnecessary stress by thinking I must accomplish things. Why must I?! Says who? Why not just enjoy doing whatever I feel like doing in the moment? The outcome or “goal” could be utterly irrelevant.
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I had a chuckle about “Says who?” Many years ago when I was planning my wedding, I kept having people tell me I couldn’t do something or had to do something…and I started to respond, “or the wedding police will get me, right?” I guess it’s that retirement police you’re worried about, hmm? I might have to use that idea myself again.
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I do wonder who that voice in my head is supposed to be. Who’s in charge here, right?
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This one definitely hits home! For probably the past year, I find myself struggling to be happy and I think a lot of it comes from my own thoughts – self-limiting beliefs are playing a huge part. I believe you have to choose happiness and had basically forgotten to choose. Thanks for reminding me to do so and for some great tips on how to correct those self-limiting thoughts and ideas.
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Candyse, I know what many of my self-limiting beliefs are (awareness), but if does not always translate into changing them! I am working hard on gratitude, choosing to be happy, accepting what is, stopping the negative thoughts that are based on self-limiting beliefs. Some days it’s easy, some days it’s impossible! But, choosing to be happy is so important!
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Hi Pat – great proactive tips today. We’re starting to plan a bathroom remodel and the lack of consistency, follow-up, consideration, and communication from tradesmen, even in this initial phase, is already doing my head in – nobody seems to want to work these days! I’ve come to realize that since I’ve settled into retirement, my life is very smooth and I go with the flow quite well…..until I hit turbulence, or an obstruction, or white water rapids – then the worry gene kicks in, and the annoyance etc etc. I keep doing what you’re doing, reeling myself back in, being more practical and reminding myself that getting anxious does nothing for anyone – it seems to be helping because old me would be champing at the bit while new me is more relaxed about it all. What will be, will be…
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Leanne, Hmm. Turbulence, obstruction, lack of consistency, lack of communication, anxiety… you are entering my life! I’m a bit better at the “what will be, will be”, but I guess I couldn’t have gotten worse at it! I am really hoping for some positive movement on our full-house rebuild this next week. Am I being too optimistic?
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