Continued Effort

Every week I read many articles and blogs that come across my feed, from those authors I follow to those authors the algorithms toss at me. I tend to jot down notes to myself as I read these articles.  It’s interesting to see what my mind has focused on, looking at a couple of weeks of these notes.

Emotional regulation remains important to me.  I’ve written a number of blogs on this topic already (a couple of links here and here).  An aha for me was the awareness that neural pathways built over 40 years don’t dissolve or shift on their own.  It requires deliberate, conscious, continual effort to make this psychological shift, to form new “natural reactions”.  I have identified a number of my neural pathways needing that continued effort!

It was a bit shocking to realize that a deeply-set scarcity mindset sneaks in often – feeling I’m never good enough, keeping things because I might need them, anxiety on spending money, doing things because they might not get done if I don’t do them, habitual hyper-vigilance for fear of being unworthy. Yes, I actively choose to have an abundance mindset, focusing on optimism, practicing gratitude, and savoring little pleasures. Deliberate and conscious. “I am enough. I have enough. I do enough”. So, it was a bit of a surprise to be nodding my head to the examples of scarcity mindset that are also my current reality. Continued effort!

I was also nodding my head on reading about a core belief on quitting.  With my upbringing of the classic Puritan work ethic plus good girl conditioning, quitting something is a form of failure.  And to this (recovering) perfectionist, failure is the equivalence of a mortal sin, a banishment (from belonging), something that is just not done. And yet, I’ve also been reading about recognizing when people or activities are draining energy or triggering a trauma response. And then finding the courage to quit – distance from the people or stop the activity – to manage my energy better. Deliberate and conscious – choosing what activities and people are deserving of my energy.

I found some wonderful new phrases – “keystone habits” and “anchoring rituals”.  The small, strategic, daily or weekly activities that bring joy into your life. I have many of these. (Yay!)  And then, the “micro-stressors” which are the exact opposite. Unfortunately, I’m finding it a challenge to eliminate many of my micro-stressors at this moment!  Although I did take a day this week to play hooky, not from school or work; hooky from life.  A day to just be – to organize, to check off some to-dos, to write. A day to ease the mental load. Continued effort to just be – is that an oxymoron?

Another great new term to me – the mental load of a task/chore is more than just doing the task/chore. It’s remembering it needs to be done. It’s planning it, anticipating problems, and having back-up plans. It’s keeping track of the details. And it’s making sure you’re communicating things to the right people, at the right time. The mental load of the house recovery is immense. The mental load for each of the clubs I’m in is a bit less, but it still all adds up. Especially added to the mental load of adulting (doctor appointments, taxes, bills) and living (hobbies, intentional connections, those keystone habits!) and tying to shift neural pathways! No wonder I’m exhausted so often.

Do you have neural pathways that you have continued effort on as well? How do you feel about quitting? Were any of these terms new to you – keystone habits, mental load?

P.S. I don’t often boast.  It’s part of the good-girl “things you don’t do”.  But last weekend, I was responsible for the horticulture placement of my garden club’s NGC Standard Flower Show. It was my first year “in charge” with only less experienced people with me. We placed and classified 250 plants for the show and it looked amazing!  Placement means setting all the plants so that they are visible with their best face forward, their labels are readable, and all the tags on the table for the horticulture classes are correct. The sense of accomplishment on this was wonderful. Plus, over the 4 days of the event (2 set up, 2 show open to public – the big reason no post last week), I had a wonderful sense of rootedness as many people from all areas of my life passed through the show. Exhausting days, physically yes. But, mentally also energizing.

Picture Credit: gifted plants in bloom at the house. So lovely to see!

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