Overwhelmed and Scattered

~ patwdoyle11

The two words that surface too often in my morning journal these days are overwhelmed and scattered.  They are not feelings I am used to in retirement, where our lifestyle had settled into more routine (and fun) activities. Yes there were challenges in dealing with life transitions, but not the feeling of the overwhelm and scattered.

On the positive side of things, I am continuing my habit of morning journaling.  I began using this “morning pages” tool after reading about it early in my retirement years in The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. To me my morning writing is a combination of celebration and contemplation. It’s my morning meditative quiet time. Sometimes it’s my inner voice having a conversation with my inner critic, or my inner support voice trying to come through. I will capture my dreams,(or nightmares these days) if I recall them. I often include an emotional assessment or a body scan or a simple, “how are you feeling?”  And in all of that, right now, the feeling of being overwhelmed, scattered, or frustrated seems to be the common theme.

It’s soon going to be six months since the dual hurricanes disrupted our life. Moving on seems to be taking so much longer than I had hoped. Yes, I had high expectations. But it’s a slow slog. And totally out of my control. Some of the more frustrating and overwhelming slogs in the last couple of weeks (in probably too much detail!):

  • After three visits to the Building Department (wait times varied from 30 minutes to an hour and a half to talk to someone – they do not return phone calls nor emails) where I went from, “everything is fine with your demo permit request” (visit 1) to “no, you’re missing three things” (visit 2), to “we cannot issue the full house demo until you fix the internal items that didn’t pass inspection on the mitigation demo permit.” What?!?
    • Here’s the scenario…. At day 4 post hurricane, we had no idea what the plan would be so we did an internal mitigation demo to prevent mold formation. The Building Department insisted that anyone who did this (many houses in town – mold is a really bad thing to deal with, so lots did immediate mitigation demos) needed to do an “after the fact” internal demo permit.  The Building Department sent someone to inspect the internal mitigation demo and our house did not “pass” because we are not going to spend money to “fix” things (like the internal electrical) when we now need to tear the house down. Because it’s been declared Substantively Damaged, we can either elevate it (not technically possible) or tear down and rebuild (our plan). But the clerk insisted we could NOT get a tear-down demo permit until we passed the after-the-fact demo permit.  Yes, she insisted we pay an electrician to have electrical fixed in a house to get the permit to tear that same house down. What?!? No, we are not paying an electrician to fix electric in a house that has no electricity going into it (already removed for the demo). My voice got louder and louder on visit three with the clerk who would not understand the stupidity of the request; it was loud enough that another clerk over-heard and agreed it was stupid, came over and with a couple of clicks released my whole house demo permit.  Net, 4 weeks, thee visits, one amazingly incompetent clerk, and a lot of frustration.
    • And while we did get the permit in February, it is now mid-March and the house is not demo-ed (is that even a word).  We are “on the list.” I keep reminding myself there is not really a rush to do it, but it’s one more thing to still have on the not-done list.
  • Another example causing overwhelm. The lack of speed on flood insurance combined with the “system” has been mind-boggling. The hurricane flooding was on September 26. The adjuster was scheduled to come the day before the second hurricane hit (14 days after the flood) and so cancelled. The reschedule was another 3 weeks out post hurricane 2, at which point I was way back on her list. In fact, she told me she had over 100 houses on her list, as a third-party adjuster to multiple insurance companies. I had to submit the contents information to her three times as first, the forms she supplied me that I had to use got corrupted on filing, and then she changed the request on how to submit the photos. She finally submitted the report on our house to our insurance company on December 29th, without ever sharing it with me. There were glaring errors. So that put us into “supplemental reporting” and again, to the back of the list. Well, that supplemental has been filed (just days ago – early March), but no, I’ve not seen the report to know if she fixed all the errors!  That is the system – adjuster reviews notes when you come up in her pile, asks for information again, report written, filed, approved, and then shared with homeowner along with what they will pay you, homeowner starts adjuster over as there are errors, repeat steps.
  • I’ll start this overwhelm example on a positive note. We have an elevated floor plan we’ve approved! It only took four rounds of reviews and comments which I’m told is quick. We received the electrical plan (first element of the mechanicals needed to build) and our builder said we will meet to review and align. I gave him many possible times on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday to meet to do this, recognizing I would cancel/reschedule anything that doesn’t cost to cancel (ex. Not doctor appointment, therapist appointment). He said Saturday afternoon, and so I changed Saturday plans. On Saturday morning he texted he had a “dog medical emergency”. I’m trying hard to be sympathetic, but we are now another week down the path, without the electrical conversation even planned.
  • There’s also our FEMA review pending (for over 6 weeks) and now the huge FEMA personnel reduction. We were approved, but they need to review paperwork and release the funds. Now less reviewers. And another question is, will there be any funds now?
  • And then this week, our dog-sitter, who I had confirmed with twice (once before booking our late March get-away trip and again after booking) told us, 2 weeks before the trip, that she cannot dog-sit our dog any longer. So, just one more thing on my to-do list – find an alternative. Small thing, but feels overwhelming.

So, there’s some examples of the overwhelm.  The scattered?  I’m trying to get back to living life, which is planning and doing things I love to do.  I’m trying to fit in my live-life activities – cardio drumming, garden club events, book clubs, reading the books for book clubs, dates with hubby, blogging including writing a blog – in between continuing to manage the house recovery and the erratic nature of that (when will I need to bring the house demo check to the site, when will we have electrical review, what other reviews will be needed, did I get all the right paperwork submitted to all the right places). Another element of scattered is It had gotten to the point (pre-hurricanes) that friends expect me to plan things and are now asking about it.  “What’s happening in March?  What are you planning?” I feel guilty for not planning the shuffleboard afternoon, the dinner date, the Rowdies soccer game, or the girl’s day trip.

If you’ve been following my hurricane recovery (links here and here for a couple of blogs), you will recognize the emotional ups and downs continue. I am now seeing a trauma therapist, which is helping (but yeah, schedule that in with everything else!). We’ve secured our rental for “as long as we need it.” (Thank you, amazing landlady!) We have a builder. We have a floor plan, survey, and geo testing complete. We have a demo permit.

So, just like in regular living, retirement living, or post-hurricane living, there ARE ups! It’s about focusing on the ups to ease the overwhelm, giving myself the grace to say no to things to ease the scattered feeling, and venting the frustration!

How was your week?

Photo credit: a beach sunset one evening – simple date with hubby.

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Published by patwdoyle11

Life is a series of transitions and my blog captures my retirement transition journey.

22 thoughts on “Overwhelmed and Scattered”

  1. Oh how I can empathise. Sadly in my case, I feel that as time has worn on any patience I may have had, has now completely dissipated and I am becoming more and more infuriated by the absurdities of the people who are meant to be helping us. This week it was the Loss Adjuster who clearly never reads her emails properly. At the beginning of the month I sent an email requesting repayment for various utility bills that I have settled for a not inconsiderable sum. I indicated very clearly that there had been no change in my banking details as previous experience suggested that she would inevitably ask this. Ten days later, no payment just an e-mailed response indicating that if I can confirm there has been no change in my bank details she can ask the Insurance Company to authorise payment. Dumb paper pushers are clearly a worldwide phenomenon but you’ll get through it, despite their efforts.

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  2. I can imagine your frustration with the building department personnel. I’m outraged about it on behalf of you. Don’t you hate it when you’re more conscientious than the group you’re dealing with?

    I’m sorry to read about your FEMA situation, too. You’re caught between a rock and a hard place there. The Donald’s ability to destroy anything good never ceases to amaze me.

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    1. Ally, Some things I’m am just having to let go and some things I will be tenacious (Someone gave me that concept and I’m liking it!) And then I have to accept the things (fights) I let go and not re-think them. I believe that’s the harder bit – the inner battle of accepting you can’t fight everything without burning out. A new time of “pick your battles”…and then hope you choose the right ones to fight.

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  3. Pat, you opened this post with a positive (date night with hubby) and ended with several positives. You are getting there.

    Dealing with permits is a bear. The county held up the CO on our landlord’s condo (the one we are currently renting) because the developer didn’t complete the sidewalk past the vacant lots. They will tear them up in a few weeks to begin the next block of condos. Makes perfect sense, right? Anyway, we weren’t inconvenienced, just anxiety riddled, not knowing if the CO would be issued on time for our move. We’ve been juggling lots of balls in the air for several weeks, but hopefully, all will settle soon.

    Have a restful week.

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    1. Suzanne, I know that focus on the positives is the only thing that will get me through this! The completion of the sidewalk to tear it out in a few weeks is just another example of following a system blindly without any critical thinking. It’s so frustrating! And I do hope things settle for you soon…you’ve had a few years of ups and downs yourself.

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      1. Our chaos is mostly self-imposed but stressful nonetheless. Hopefully, this year will bring complete clarity, and our next move will be our last. The silver lining in all of this is that you will build the house of your dreams and never worry about flooding again.

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    1. There are days I want to stay in bed and curl up in a fetal position and other days I want to scream. There are often tears. It was a bit cathartic to type it all out. Our systems/processes in this country (insurance, government) are not designed to make things easy. And the people running them simply follow the (poorly designed) system/process. There is no critical thinking, no desire to do the work faster (I watched one clerk spend 45 minutes paging back and forth my 4 page demo permit). Ah well… I am hoping that tenacity (as someone called it) will win.

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    1. Candyse, I’m beginning to see that almost everyone has challenges to deal with in retirement. From cancer recurrence (another friend in past 2 weeks), to grandchildren with significant health issues (another one in past few months), to spouses passing away before they enjoyed their retirement years (yes, another one recently) …this is my challenge. It is about living every day as “normal” as possible!

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  8. Demoed is a word! I use it all the time. Being a remodel contractor, I feel your pain reading about the insurance adjuster and the town employees and contractors. Hold your ground all around.
    I hope as spring comes you see steady improvement and you are able to do more of your fun things.

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    1. Nancy, Good to learn demoed is a word. It just looked wrong!

      I’m holding onto hope barely. Some others in the same position (we have many of us in similar situations) have pointed out I’m doing OK with thing’s progress…it just feels so slow! I did choose Patience as my WOTY – I need to remember that.

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  9. Pat I can’t even begin……. I think I mentioned in my last comment that we’ve started a bathroom gut and remodel – the hiccups that have come with that process have me living in a constant state of quiet anxiety. Nothing goes according to plan, or to the timetable. But!! Compared to what you’re living through, it’s very small potatoes – it does give me a great deal of empathy for you. It must be an absolute nightmare and I’m so impressed with your tenacity through it all (not that you have much choice – other than to throw up your hands and cry). Sending you all the best, and wishes for the next phases to be smoother. x

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    1. Leanne, I totally understand living in a state of anxiety. On top of my personal life being out of control, we have my country being out of control and now, locally we are experiencing drought and they’ve begun talking fear of wildfires this spring/summer! By the way, there are many days I do throw up my hands and cry. But I am trying to look for the positives, the moments of joy, the house recovery inching forward. As you noted, tenacity is all I have.

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  10. Holy smokes, no wonder your title reflects where things are at in your head. There is so much on the go and so little of it in your control. But the positives listed in the end paragraph are all great ones.

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    1. Bernie, coming back to the positives is the only thing keeping me sane right now! There is so much out of control, both personally and externally. It’s hard to not just be in a fetal position in bed all day.

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      1. I just listened to an interesting podcast about not overthinking and how to learn to sort out some of “that” in our head. The term “what’s wrong and what’s strong” is a way to visualize where things are using evidence, not just emotions.

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