Retirement often does not go as originally planned. There can be surprise health issues with the mindset and lifestyle changes that result from that significant life impact. There are choices to make changes in your retirement plan when things don’t play out as you had hoped, like our Big Move to Florida when the snowbird lifestyle just didn’t feel right. And now, for us, a life-quake trauma (double hurricanes) from Mother Nature, disrupting our new lifestyle. As a Type-A personality (yes, still) I’m struggling with feeling that I should be recovering from this latest trauma more quickly.
Yes, I know. “Should” is a word that I’ve tried to eliminate from my vocabulary! But at month 4 post the trauma, of double hurricanes, I’m feeling my emotional recovery is not progressing. I continue to Compare and Despair when hearing about other’s house recovery paths. My impatience shows up as a very short fuse with people; hubby and I have had more fights in the past 3 months than the previous 30 years. I feel like I’m becoming mean. And the physical side of things – feeling nausea, having chest constriction, easy tears (flowing even as I type this blog) – just make getting out of bed every morning a challenge.
I’m doing the things recommended by grief and trauma specialists and that I’ve touted here in the blog (Link here). I did my January “I Did It” accomplishment list to remind myself that I am making small steps forward, I am engaging in my Positivity Practices, I am trying to “live” and not just focus on house recovery. In January, there were 12 new experiences including a few new restaurants (a favorite thing for me), 9 books read, and a return to some of my favorite weekly and monthly routines. I booked some upcoming trips as well. A return to travel was my mindset shift back in September; the blog about that never got finalized nor published!
And yes, there was slow progress on the house recovery. One of those balls I’m juggling (link post here) has actually been fully completed. Woo-hoo! But as we move closer to the build stage, new balls will be added – things like exploring the right elevator and whole house water filtration systems, which were already added to the to-do list. I’m also learning that, “I don’t know what I don’t know!” The steps in the process are unclear and, unfortunately, still seem to be changing weekly. I’m trying hard to not let those changes or unmet expectations or missed unknowns make me swirl into negativity, but it’s hard!
I have things in February I am looking forward to – a trip to visit with long-term friends is on the top of that list. I have high hopes for some of the house recovery balls to even get done – finalization of insurance payments, finalizing house plans, full house demo (which I expect to be another trauma). I am also going to see a trauma therapist as I think I need a little more help in the emotional recovery.
There are days I need to remind myself, “Yes, I am strong. Yes, I am resilient. And while right now things feel dark and chaotic and overwhelming, it will all eventually be OK.” I choose Patience as my WOTY and boy, is it needed!
Thanks for “listening.” “Telling your story” is another aspect of recovery.
Copyright © 2025 retirementtransition.blog – All rights reserved.
retirementtransition 
So frustrated. Wrote a rather lengthy comment and then go a message saying it could not be posted. Going to try to post just these few sentences to see what happens.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Have lost 2 comments now. Going to message you!! XO
LikeLiked by 1 person
Knowing you tried means a lot to me!
LikeLike
I do think it’s good for you to vent all this frustration and trauma. Don’t get down on yourself, though! Recovering from this would try anyone’s patience and fortitude.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And the venting here gives me so much virtual support … that really does help! Thanks for the encouragement.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s hard to imagine going through what happened to you and your husband. I think you are doing remarkably well, even though you cite “despair,” “impatience,” or being “mean” at times as personal failings. Holy cow, Pat… you have recently endured a disaster of historic magnitude. I’m glad that you are going to talk to a trauma therapist who I hope will reinforce how much you’ve managed to accomplish and who will help you through the next steps. Be extra kind to yourself.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Janis. The virtual support I get from all of my blogging buddies really does help!
I’m not liking myself too much at the moment – the short temper and meanness is not how I want to be. So I’m very hopeful for trauma therapist to help me work back to patience, kindness, acceptance.
LikeLike
Pat, you’re doing pretty great! I think all anyone can do is endure and hopefully as the many many steps get going you will start feeling better. It’s an awful lot on you. Hang in there and thanks for the update
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am hopeful that some things will start to move forward. Perhaps Hope would have been a good WOTY as well!
LikeLike
Pat, I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling with the emotional recovery…but I’m so happy to hear you’ve sought help with a trauma therapist. As you said, ‘you don’t know what you don’t know’ as you’ve never experienced this kind of trauma before (and hopefully never will again!!). I’m hopeful this therapist can guide you to a better place emotionally and I look forward to hearing about your progress ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Therapist is upcoming still, and yes, I’m hoping for some help in the recovery journey. Continuing to do all the other things as well… focusing on positive moments that are happening, feeling grateful for all the virtual support I’m getting. I do believe things will get better
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’d give yourself a break. Part of your “getting mean” feeling may be from the personal disaster, but another part could be from the chaotic times in which we’re living. I know I’m developing more edges every day, less inclined to let things be when I know they can be better. Just saying…
LikeLiked by 1 person
The chaos beyond my own little bubble is certainly not helping. I’m finding myself hiding from it and then feeling guilty when I do. Not helping, but it’s even more upsetting to look at what’s happening and feeling hopeless.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t even know what to write. I’ve don’t know what this is like and really don’t want to know. I could leave all kinds of encouragement but………would they all sound cheesy and empty? Anyway, if anyone can handle this I know you can. It sounds like you are doing all the right things so just keep going. And cut yourself some slack.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You do know that giving myself slack is really hard, right? But I am trying to. And trying to do things to help with the despair. I do know that it will all eventually be okay… but some days it just hurts (emotionally). Thanks for the virtual support… it does help!
LikeLike
Apparently, a 20-second hug releases endorphins and boosts energy. I’m sending you several.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Suzanne – love it! Thanks.
It actually does help to get the virtual support. It reminds me I am strong and it will be okay.
LikeLike
Congrats on recognizing the need for a therapist versus doing it all on your own. Based on your blog, I’ve started a gratitude journal this year and I’ve stuck to it every day so far. It’s really helping me look forward to getting out of bed so thank you.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’m glad a gratitude journal is working for you! It does help me when I’m despairing these days to recognize the (many) things I am grateful for. My appointment with the therapist is still upcoming; hoping that will help as well.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Pat – keep reminding yourself that you’re in the middle of a HUGE trauma event and it isn’t a quick fix, or a simple resolution. It’s big, it’s ugly, it’s miserable, and it has to be gotten through. You’re doing great, keep being kind to yourself and your husband (he needs you right now) – and seeing that trauma therapist sounds like a great plan as you work your way through the tunnel and back into the light. x
LikeLiked by 2 people
I second that! I would still be in the fetal position at this point. I personally think you “should” be allowed moments of despair for what you’ve experienced. Be kind to yourself and good for scheduling the trauma therapist!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nancy, There are many of us here dealing with this trauma and I’ve seen a range of reactions. Unfortunately some are still in shock.
It’s been helpful for me to write about it and get the support from so many.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Leanne, thanks for the encouragement! I find that writing is also a help to get these emotions out and hearing the support of others. I know things will continue to be up and down, and I am working on ways to have more up than down moments!
LikeLike