I love serendipity. Quotes have been popping up in my various feeds about starting a new chapter. In many ways, it feels right:
Move on, it’s just a chapter in your life. Ok, one very bad chapter. It’s not the whole story.
Virtually close the door on the last chapter; just turn the page for a new one.
The story doesn’t end here. Simply start a new chapter in your life.
The metaphor that life is chapters in a story and it’s simply turning the page to start a new chapter of that story is very compelling. Clean slate, fresh start. I even started a new journal on January 1st.
Another component of thinking about life as chapters in a story, and starting a new chapter of that story, is my realization that every story about hurricane recovery is different. I’ve heard lots of stories – because neighbors all talk about it whenever we get together and even on-line with questions and complaints. Everyone has a different approach to dealing with what has happened – from giving up and walking away, to ignoring “the system” and hoping It won’t be noticed, to trying to figure out a path forward within the system, or even to figure out how to best fight the system. And since “the system” has multiple components – from local building departments (permitting and code enforcement), to County Property Appraiser reports (with property tax implications), to managing multiple insurance programs if you have them (homeowners, vehicles, hurricane wind, and flood), to state grant programs, and multiple federal programs (FEMA, SBA loans) – the range of “managing through recovery” stories is huge. Then there are the different paths moving forward – from sell off (with or without a house on the land), to restore (and who can do the work), to raise (physically lift), to build-up (add second story and convert first to non-living space), to build new. And yes, with every story you hear, there is a brief tendency to wonder, “did I do the right thing for me, for my story?”
It made me wonder if this new chapter mindset is just an every-January feeling. I looked back; having an on-line diary is so useful to see where I was in December 2023/January 2024 or even December 2022/January 2023!
- Two years ago, I was focusing on accepting our new lifestyle living in Florida with lots of “continue” on my retirement lifestyle vision. I was also thinking how things would shift with my mom moving here in early 2023. But 2023 didn’t turn out quite as planned as my mom passed away just after her move here, spiraling me into grief recovery and estate settlement for much of the year. A new chapter in my story, written with many tears.
- A year ago, I was focusing on becoming more intentional with putting my positive psychology tools to use. I already did many, so it didn’t feel like a big new chapter mindset shift. I wanted to do more crafting, feel comfortable with more solo activities, and was challenged with belonging (not a new feeling). Interestingly I did have a significant mindset shift about belonging and friendship in 2024 (link here). And the end of 2024 was certainly a shocking twist in my story line.
This end of 2024/beginning of 2025 turn-the-page approach is really a reaction to the past 3 months and a desire to put it behind me. The heavy, acute trauma reaction is past although I still have surges of grief almost every day, usually when I think of something lost. I also continue to second guess choices made. Going with my gut feel is not something I’m comfortable with. Increasing my acceptance of my intuition has been one of the areas of growth for me in retirement. My recent tarot reflection readings (Solstice, New Moon) have consistently been about relying more on my intuition! My analytical, rationalizing, overthinking brain struggles with that. I find myself trying to justify an intuition-based choice with analytical rationale! This balancing my critical thinking, engineer-trained mind with using a more intuitive, body-feeling approach is not necessarily a new chapter!
But a large component of this new chapter metaphor feels like putting an end of the previous chapter – turn the page, close the door, move on. The fact is I cannot simply ignore the things that still need to happen from the last chapter written. Many elements (characters? arcs?) need to continue into the next page of the story!
Since I am refocusing on my retirement lifestyle vision (and my WOTY Patience), is the better metaphor a Reset?
Hit the reset button. Whatever happened yesterday – forget about it.
Today is a new day to start fresh. Refocus and restart the things that matter.
Reset, Refocus, Restart.
A reset button restarts a device/system or restores it to its original state allowing it to function normally again. Not necessarily a factory reset which erases all settings and configuration data; don’t want that!. A reset sometimes involves an unplug and restart. There was definitely a bit of an unplugging in the past three months as I stopped all my routines. But a refocus onto my retirement lifestyle vision is what I am doing.
I found this comment about resetting your life: “Taking the steps to reset your life may sound like starting completely from scratch, but it’s more akin to refreshing any routines or habits that aren’t serving you.” And yes, as I return to planning and executing those plans, I am considering which habits and routines to restart – which activities to reengage, which crafts to repurchase supplies for, which things truly bring me joy. A refresh, you might say.
So, January 2025 is turning the page to begin a new chapter in this retirement life. It is a reset to function normally again, to live my retirement lifestyle vision, day by day. But it is not closing the door to everything from the last chapter; it is a continuation of my story with a bit of a refresh.. There are many characters and arcs in the story that need resolution!
Do you view a new year as a beginning of a new chapter? A closing the door on the past? A continuation of the story? A reset? A refresh?
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My personal new year doesn’t start until after my birthday… so now I’m ready. Actually, I don’t see too many changes in my future, certainly nothing like you have/will. I have a friend who probably lost her house in the LA Palisades fire (it will be a while before they can know for sure, but it doesn’t look good) and I’m sure she will go through many of the same emotions and challenges you face. I have re-read your past post about what and what not to say while providing support because I’m sure she and her husband will be facing a lot of resets in their lives.
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Janis, Watching the devastation of those fires is hard. Partly because I now know how much worse it is in person versus the pictures. And partly because it’s so much bigger than we have here – it’s almost unimaginable.
One thing a couple of distant friends did for me was send me Amazon gift cards. And it was lovely to purchase some of the little things I lost, knowing each time I used a bit of the card that they cared. A journal, pens, some of my comfort books, even new sneakers (my last pair got trashed in the clean up). It’s just a drop in the bucket of things, but every time I pick up those little things, I recall that they care and are there if I need them.
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I really appreciate your suggestions.
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I tend to run more off of intuition on some aspects of life but being married to an engineer keeps me firmly on the ground with pros, cons and all sorts of lists and budgets. You are definitely at a new chapter and there are so many ways that one can do things. It’s like a book; the old chapter brings stuff forward but now you face it in the background. There is no right or wrong way to move forward but you do need to feel comfortable with your and hubby’s decision. I always ask myself this question “if you don’t do this (whatever it is) how will you feel about the decision in 5 days, 5 months, 5 years.” Kind of helps me with perspective.
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Bernie, Well, I am the engineer, with the lists of pros and cons! An engineer by training, but now hoping to allow my more natural intuition self to come to the front. The intuitive side keeps saying, yes, this is the right decision, but the engineer in me keeps looking at those listed cons and trying to rationalize them away, one by one by one!
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Pat, I can totally relate to this “I find myself trying to justify an intuition-based choice with analytical rationale!” ALL.THE.TIME!!! My logical brain struggles so much with intuition and gut-feeling…I need facts and figures to back it up LOL!
Reset sounds like a good word for now, you still have so many loose ends from 2024 but resetting will hopefully allow you to tackle them with a new perspective.❤
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Sharon, I am so glad I’m not the only one backing up the gut feeling decision with rationalization! I am really trying to listen to my intuition more these days, even if it’s uncomfortable. At this moment, a lot of my intuitive stuff feels like trust – trusting I’ve made the right decision, “backed the right horse”. A friend said that noticing when I’m listening to my intuition (and then watching the positive results!) will help me be more comfortable with it.
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Pat, as I read your blog, I began to think, “that’s it! You guys can be starting a new chapter.” But then as I read on about how much “stuff” you are going through to try to “reset” or “restart” I realized how difficult any of those words are to actually make happen. You have me thinking about life as a book and then thinking that in a book as one chapter comes to a close the past things are not just forgotten but add to the rest of the story. I pray that you and the Hubby will continue on to the next chapters and all that “stuff” is worked out, I would to say “easily” but at least worked out without too much difficulty. I pray that you two will be an able to find the adventure in the story as it progresses.
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Thanks Candyse. One thing we’ve agreed on, as we build up we are going to add in some things that we’ve always wanted, damn the cost. No, not a pool (that’s your dream, not mine.) But Tim’s metal roof, an elevator, a farmhouse sink (for me), a front of house balcony for sunset viewing. I am going to try for patience in the process also, but continue to nudge it along. And try and return to living a more normal life along the way – trip planning, dinners out. January is a big reset month!
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Wonderful ♥️
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it must be really hard to try to move forward when you are bogged down in all the ‘legal tape’ of your hurricane recovery. I know I would find trying to juggle all the issues you have mentioned whilst trying to re-establish something that resembles ’normal life’.
I guess I follow the new chapter thought process. Whilst some factors will change you are still carrying on with the stages of your life story.
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Janine, Juggle is right! It feels like juggling balls … in my morning journal, I counted that I worked on 8 different elements of the recovery process yesterday. Eight different contacts on 8 different aspects, trying to nudge things forward. I’ve found that if I don’t nudge, sometimes things do not move at all. Keeping track of everything is exhausting.
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Hi Pat – I think the beginning of a new year is always a time for review and revision – to look at what worked and what needs to be left behind. Your 2024 was an immense chapter – so many upheavals – but time moves forward and I think you are moving forward too – I like the quote “growth is a dance – not a light switch”….it allows space and movement rather than expecting an instant result.
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Leanne, When I look at what’s been accomplished, I know am moving forward. But it’s so slow! We talk about watching hurricane’s coming as “stalking the turtle” because unlike other natural disasters, you actually have an idea when they will hit…. for days before. It’s why we have time to prepare and evacuate. Of course, this time our prep wasn’t good enough. (We prepped to a 7 foot storm surge and it ended up being 8 foot). Anyway, that’s what this feels like … watching a turtle cross the road. Why can’t it dance across the road? 🙂
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