To Be, To Do, Do-be-do-be-do

~ patwdoyle11

I am a huge proponent of To-Do Lists. I get stressed if there’s not a list of things for me to do, even if it’s all just possibilities. If it’s not written down on a list, I totally forget about it. I’ve even added in a new tool this year, an I-Did-It List (link to one blog post here), to help me celebrate my life. I was really intrigued by a recent blog post by Leanne at Creating the Hill, which talks about To-Be lists versus To-Do lists.  See link here: https://www.crestingthehill.com.au/2024/06/start-a-to-be-list-instead-of-a-to-do-list  She in turn had been inspired by another blog post which I also found extremely interesting – see link here: https://tinybuddha.com/blog/measuring-the-quality-of-your-day-with-a-to-be-list-not-just-a-to-do-list/

The core premise in these posts is that the quality of your life is determined by who you are, not by what you accomplish (your checked off to-do list). It’s not about what you get done, or do not get done. It’s more about are you being the person you want to be! They encouraged you to shift from checking off your To-Do List to checking off your To-Be List.

When we retire and leave behind a full-time career, we often find that having a feeling of accomplishment is something that can be challenging. We had that feeling while working and many want to continue to have that feeling. We then search for accomplishment by doing things, from (part time) working to mastering new hobbies to volunteering. Yes, all my possibility lists tend to be full of ideas for doing and my I-Did-It list focuses on celebrating the doing!  Perhaps shifting to creating a way to celebrate who you are or who you are becoming, versus what you are doing or not doing, is a new way to fulfill the need for accomplishment.

The first aspect was really trying to define who I wanted to be! 

  • Do I want to be someone who is calm and peaceful, especially in the face of negativity or challenge?
  • Do I want to be loving and compassionate, especially when faced with stressful situations or mistakes?
  • Do I want to be mindful and aware of the beauty that surrounds me?
  • Do I want to be someone who smiles and laughs often?  Someone who easily spreads happiness and joy?
  • Do I want to be someone who reaches out to help/support others?

If these are who I want to be, then perhaps my daily list could include these “to-be”:

  • Time to be peaceful and calm; taking time for a deep breath to calm down and not over-react
  • Time to be loving, compassionate, and patient
  • Time to be mindful and express gratitude or appreciation
  • Time to be still and quiet
  • Time to smile, laugh, find joy in the simple things

And then also noting, how much time of the day am I being someone I don’t want to be? How much time in the day:

  • Was I tense, irritable, stressed out in the process of the doing?
  • Was I experiencing rage, impatience, or resentment?
  • Was I complaining or criticizing?
  • Was I unkind or unloving to anyone or anything, including myself?
  • Did I forget to notice, let alone appreciate, all the beauty of life that was going on around me?

So many fun quotes ran through my head while I was thinking about more Being, less Doing.  “To be or not to be”. “To do, to be. Do, be, do be, do be, do.”  But it also made me think about celebrating on my monthly I-Did-It List not just the activities, but some of the ways I am becoming the person I want to be. And also confirming that the activities I am doing are allowing me to be the person I want to be.

Have you considered a To-Be list versus a To-Do list?  And then, checking off and celebrating how you are being (or becoming) the person you want to be?

Picture Credit: A sunset this week, time just being!

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Published by patwdoyle11

Life is a series of transitions and my blog captures my retirement transition journey.

18 thoughts on “To Be, To Do, Do-be-do-be-do”

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  2. Oh, Pat, I could have written this post myself. I want to be the kind, compassionate volunteer and a good friend to friends. But I also need and want days at home where I am most comfortable, doing the things I love to do best. However, frivolous scrapbooking or crafting might be!! And often, I am my worst with poor PC who just wants to hang out with me and needs a little love and attention.

    We are beginning the transition into PC’s retirement. Say a prayer!! I have been retired and home, like you, for 10 years now. I love being home alone!! Now I feel like my space and time is going to be encroached upon. Tell me how you guys manage!!

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    1. How we manage? We do have our own things to do and don’t try and spend all day together. I have more need to be with others at times, he’s happy by himself most of the time. I like quiet, so he wears headphone to listen to his music. I plan things to do together I know he will like, but not too often. He is definitely more the homebody than I am. He goes out on the water kayaking, I stay at home and craft And no, crafting it NOT frivolous! It’s a creative release. 🙂

      In my book, I talked about the he-she-we plan (I think that was what I called it!). Yes, there’s been compromise, on both our parts. I’ve had to get really clear on where I’m willing to bend and where I’m not.

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  3. Pingback: Rhythms, Routines, or Ruts? – retirementtransition

  4. I am very much a list maker as you know Pat but I also am very intentional with gratitude. I think it has become a core value which is where I see the “to be” lists as items that are intrinsic to our values. Which hopefully translate to our actions. Bernie

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      1. I attended a conference a decade or so ago. She said, “Imagine you got off work 2 hours early. Would would you do with these 2 hours?” My answer was walk my dogs, read a book or call a friend. Values shown are fitness and compassion and self care.

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    1. Ally, The pondering on who I want to be is an interesting one… because I have to stop and think is this really me, or is it who I’ve been conditioned to think I should be. Even as typed this list in my blog post, I wondered about it.

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  7. I need lists! But even if it’s written down (or in my phone reminders list), it doesn’t always get done!
    With the start of the 2nd half of the year, I’m taking baby steps with some Goals or To-Do/To-Be Lists. They never seem to work for me but I’m going to try….

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    1. Nancy, I’ve often asked myself why something stays on my to-do list for weeks… moving from day to day and never getting done. A few I eventually drop off, but right now I have 2 that seem to just keep moving day to day and I have no idea why I can’t seem to get them started, much less done! So even this self-declared list maker struggles with to-do lists!

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  8. Hi Pat – I’m so glad you found my post interesting enough to get you thinking (and thanks so much for for the shoutout and link). I was worried that people who are list makers would dismiss the ideas I was presenting, but I love how you’ve taken it to the next level and combined the concepts.

    I think we all need to have activities to keep us engaged, and new things to keep us growing, but if we keep in mind who we want to be (and your list was very similar to who I’m aiming to be) then it changes the focus a little, and makes us less achievement driven and more focused on our hearts and what the “inner us” needs. 🙂

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    1. Leanne, The balance between being and doing is a challenging one for me as I’ve been a doer for most of my life. I’m trying to add in the “being” more and your post really helped me think of ways to do that. Hah, even there, it’s ”do”!

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