Overthinking – It’s All Relative, Think Differently

I feel I need to introduce myself as, “Hi, I’m Pat. I’m an overthinker.”  I struggle to shut down the critical thinker side of myself, the one who continues to judge practically everything. The one who second guesses the past, and “what if’s” the future. And too often concludes I’m not enough.

We live in a world of ratings. I spent many years comparing myself to the job position norms and trying to exceed them in order to be highly rated (better pay, promotion). I recall years ago someone in the hospitality industry telling me, “Fine is a four-letter word” as they were upset at not hearing their service was exceptional and just “fine”. These days, everyone wants you to rate the purchase, the product, the service. My car maintenance place always asks, “Will you rate us excellent” when I leave. I compare and rate – my life to other’s life, my house to other’s house, my skill to other’s skill.

A few comments on my recent post (link here) made me realize I am not the only one that does a comparison, and my perception of things is often quite different than others. My conclusion now: It’s all relative!  There is always someone who is going to be doing something better/more than me, but then there will be someone doing it worse/less. It’s just a matter of where I am on the continuum – whether it’s healthy living, being physically active, gardening, home décor, blogging, crafting.  I need to just be/do me.

It was also fascinating to realize that by simply writing things in a blog post, I challenged myself to think differently.  I am athletic, in my own way. I am loving my cardio drumming class, will jump on my bike to run an errand, and enjoy a long beach stroll.  I am a bit bohemian, in my own way. I bought the flowy bohemian skirt and wore it. So even if 90% of my days it’s short and a T-shirt, I will wear a sundress or flowy skirt on occasion. Plus, awesome earrings every single day! I’m eating more salads for lunches, and trying to eat more fruit. And I’m getting more comfortable in saying, “I like doing it this way.”.

A few other things I discovered this week: 

• I’m ok doing things solo. (Okay is not a four-letter word to me!) I love my solo-shelling walks, taking my time and enjoying the water and wind. I loved going to a sound-healing session solo; it was the most relaxing meditative thing I’ve ever done. I enjoy my solo crafting time, and delving into my summer research. .
• I actually preferred to work at our recent town event than to try and make small talk with acquaintances as an attendee. I did take time to chat with a few folks and time to eat. But I felt a wonderful sense of utility by working the event, and I believe it was a better feeling than just attending it would have given me. Other’s might want to attend and not work at it, but I can say, “I liked doing it my way.”.
• Taking a more day-to-day approach is doable!  I had to cancel going to a couple of planned things (yes, I informed folks in time) as other things became critical to do (appointments around hubby surgery). But I didn’t stress about the changes. I was also able to add in a few new things, as the opportunity arose – I tried Tai Chi for the first time and joined in on a pool Zumba class. 

I’m an over-thinker and that isn’t going to change.  Focusing my thinking on what I love to do (my heart’s desire), accepting myself as I am, accepting each day as it comes, and trying to not over-react (yes, trying) is my new way of over-thinking. I recall earlier this year, I wondered if acceptance would be my word-of-the-year, although I didn’t choose one. Perhaps it choose me.

Picture Credit: A moon rise this week.

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