In my retirement transition journey, I’ve explored the area of positive psychology in a number of different ways. First, early on in my retirement, I intentionally tried to shift from being a critical, cynical pessimist to a more positive person. I had a boss once say to me, ”You’ll never be happy”. I really wanted to be happy in retirement! In those early retirement years, I explored many new things, intentionally looked for joy in daily living, and grounded my lifestyle vision on my core values.
I added journaling, daily gratitude and regular Emotional Awareness checks to my routine – known tools for improving happiness. I created my (first-of-many) Possibilities List and started tracking 52 new things a year. Tracking new experiences continues for me, not to hit any magic number, but to both encourage myself to try new things and then to look back and reminisce on the things I’ve tried.
I focused on making connections with others and becoming a better friend, and then reengaged in that effort after our Big Move to Florida. I’ve learned to accept my role as a designated planner, although I love when someone else plans something and invites me to join in.
I got active as I tried various approaches to movement and exercise; some lasted, some didn’t. I began to learn how to be (just be) and also how to play. Meditation is still a challenge for me, but I’ve found gardening and whimsical crafting are definitely playtime (& flow times) for me. At first it was “more play, less work” but my current explanation of my work/life balance is “I worked for 32 years, now I’m going to live for 32 years.”
In early retirement I focused on finding joy in every day to build my happiness level. Then my focus was to SOAR – savoring, optimistic, activating, resilient. Interesting how all those things are still meaningful to me today. My current life focus, which has been consistent now for a number of years, is more holistic: Contemplative Mind, Active Body, Connected Heart, Creative Spirit.
Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m not being very contemplative. Looking back, I was pleased to see I have been contemplative in my retirement years with various topics of exploration – feminine archetypes, enneagram personality profiling, spirituality and the history of religion, childhood abandonment, chakras, and most recently, tarot. I even took a series of courses about the science of well being and putting positive psychology into practice. I definitely need to define my next area of contemplative exploration!
I am a researcher and a synthesizer. The courses in positive psychology helped me synthesize my learning into key how-to aspects for living my best retirement life. As part of my grieving journey, I’m feeling a strong the need to relook at my positivity practices and to reignite a more positive living mindset. A while back, I updated my Positivity Practices to eliminate “stop”, “try” and “should” language, but it had been awhile since I did an evaluation on, “Am I living how I said I want to be living?”
Pat’s Positivity Practices:
- Invest in Experiences = Positive Anticipation, Attentive in the Moment, Savor the Reminiscing (Embrace your planning personality.)
- Morning Journal & Daily Gratitude – Savor the Little Things in Life
- Intentional Connections – IRL & Virtual
- Embrace Self-Empowering Beliefs – Shift Critical Negative Self-Talk to Positive Self-Encouragement; Shift Compare & Despair to Observe & Admire; Look Inside for Validation; Listen to Your Intuition; Understand your Triggers; Use your Glimmers; Practice Self-acceptance & Non-judgmental Compassion
- Appreciate Time Abundance – Just Be
- Connect to Nature
- Be Active – Daily Movement – Functional Fitness
- Adequate Sleep & Manage Body Maintenance
- Encourage your Love of Learning
- Get Crafty & Play
Beyond the need to pick a new topic for contemplative learning and continue to work on just being, the area of self-empowering beliefs is definitely a work-in-progress for me. Lately, beyond working through my grief journey, I’ve been highly reactive in another life situation. Contemplating (!) what’s happening, I’ve realized it’s mostly triggers being pushed and not practicing non-judgmental compassion.
This reflective (contemplative again!) post was helpful for me to realize that in many ways, I am living my retirement life with a much more positive mindset than I lived my working life. This review also reignited some of my positivity practices that need more focus. But yes, I can say I am happy in retirement – that boss was wrong!
Do you find you are living your retirement life differently than your working life?
Picture: Anhinga on local park walk this past week.. connecting to nature!
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retirementtransition 
I pretty much retired in 2006 when I moved to Atlanta. I started a new career in 2009 as a massage therapist, but never worked at it full time which was perfect! It allowed me to pursue other interests and still bring in some pretty good $$. Since COVID, I am retired full time, but find myself busier than ever – mostly with my grandkids and extensive travel. And exploring my new city – Chicago! I think yy key to joy is to look at every day as a school day. There is something new to learn everyday and if it doesn’t come to you, you need to go to it. I just started setting up a YouTube Channel so we’ll see how that goes… Ha!
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I like the “something to learn everyday” mindset you have. I’m fond of googling something that catches my attention and going down rabbit holes! I’ve put together a “tourist in my own town” list of things to explore here, too. There were things I never got to see/explore when I lived in Cincinnati… even after living there for 30 years. Now I’m intentionally planning things so that doesn’t happen here.
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I believe that old chestnut that everyone is as happy as they allow themselves to be. Leaning into positive psychology seems sound to me. I love that you: updated my Positivity Practices to eliminate “stop”, “try” and “should” language…. I’d add that “always” is another one of those words that is better off not being said.
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Ally, I’ve not been one to use “always” so it didn’t crop into my thinking. Try and should are most common in my thinking patterns! I thought moving away from stop was also shifting from negative to positive statements. I like the “everyone is as happy as they allow themselves to be”… it’s actually not one I’ve heard in that phrasing before.
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Hi Pat – I can really relate to what other commentors have said about the initial struggle to allow retirement to be “about and for” ourselves after so many decades of being there for everyone else. I still fluctuate between loving having this freedom and flexibility, and then feeling guilty that I’m not filling every moment with busyness.
It’s so much easier to be positive when we get the balance right – when we recognize what a blessing this stage of life is, and make the most of it in our own unique ways. I’m really enjoying watching you relax into retirement (as I’m doing so too).
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Leanne, It’s taken me awhile to relax into retirement and yes, there are still times when I think I should be doing more – more travel, more volunteering, more blogging, more studying. It’s hard to stop 45 years of “go above and beyond” – in my school years and work years I was always striving to be better, do more, exceed expectations. Even this week, I started berating myself for not keeping up with blog comments… and then had to tell myself, “it’s OK. It is fine if you wanted to do other things, You’ll get to them”. So here I am days later … reading and commenting. And yeah, I guess it is OK.
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Pat, your posts are always fodder for reflection. Ten years into retirement, I’m still not over the slow mornings. When asked what I would do in retirement, I often replied that those things I did before 8AM & after 5 PM, I would do between 8 & 5. I received a card at retirement that said – retirement, when you can stop living at work & start working at living. I always had a full life but punched the clock fitting the to-do list around the work schedule. My purpose now is to look after myself & my rural home. I’ve always lived purposefully & mindfully which involves much of your positivity practices. I still find myself thinking I should be doing more. I need to appreciate the abundance of time. I am happy in retirement. It’s the best job I’ve ever had.
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I really like that thought – “stop living at work and start working at life.” I think it’s fabulous that you had a full life pre-retirement. I didn’t. It’s been a learning curve for me, but one I am so very glad to be on. Living mindfully, appreciating time abundance, looking after myself and my home, having time to play….I adore my slow mornings, sitting and watching sunlight play on the water, reading a book all Sunday afternoon with a gentle breeze blowing… and not feeling guilty I should be doing more! Yes, retirement is the best job!
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Pat, in general, I believe that mindful living promotes positivity and as long as we know ourselves and follow through with the plans we make, I can’t see developing any other attitude. It is when our words and steps don’t line up that conflict happens. You seem to be sticking to the plan very well as you adapt to the always-changing landscape of retirement living.
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Suzanne, what a wonderful way of thinking about things – “when words and steps line up”. I like that concept a lot.
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Hi Pat, I’m generally a happy person – always looking for the ‘bright side’ of things. When I first retired my mindset was all about doing ‘whatever I wanted’ after 43 years of working. That worked for the first couple of months but since I’m a chronic people-pleaser I started feeling like I was ‘neglecting’ other people’s wishes so the pendulum swung back the other way. Then I started doing what everyone else wanted or thought I should be doing. I’ve settled into the middle now, balancing between what I want and what others want. I still don’t have a routine (which bugs me sometimes) and I still haven’t made my health the top priority, which bugs me a lot! I really need to focus on that area 🥴
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Sharon, It sounds like you’ve got to a nice balance between self and others. For me, it’s a continual battle to not try and “meet others expectations”. I hear expectations even when they are not there! I encourage you to look for some routine elements in life (since no routine bugs you) and also, yes, put your health as a priority! You’ll have a hard time doing what others want if your health falters! Maybe you can link some routine and your health? For me, I’ve got my cardio classes and my journaling – one for body health and one for mind health – and if I miss either routine, I feel it!
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Even reading your blog, I think you are more relaxed than when in the beginning of your retirement. Your writings have shifted to being comfortable and thoughtful as to being a study or “how to”. Or maybe it’s me? I think it took me a while to be OK with relaxing (I don’t have to have a million things to accomplish in a day) and I everything I do CAN be all about me. My days now are filled with working out, dancing, and whimsical crafting. Then I add in other things like summer fairs, homaramas, plays, operas, and lunches and dinners with friends. So enjoyable!
As I was saying, it took me a while to be Ok with everything being about or for me, but I too came to the realization that I worked hard for nearly 30 years raising a family and having an amazing career – It’s my turn and I’m going to enjoy it.
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I am definitely different now than I was when I first retired! Someone told me when I first retired that it takes some (highly driven) people 5-7 years to really move away from that need to work hard, accomplish things, be productive. To become OK with relaxing, and enjoying life. I was skeptical, until it happened to me, too! Now I’m like you …. I worked hard with practically no life for 32 years, now I’m going to live with no work for 32 years! But I still like figuring out the how-to and learning about & sharing new things. That’s not gonna change!
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Yes, that boss was definitely wrong, but I would still suggest a Thank-you for the wake-up call. It sounds like their comment was (part of) what challenged you to focus on joy.
Your focus and achievements in retirement are just so very impressive, and inspiring.
Yes, definitely a researcher, and educator!!!
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John, Thanks for the “educator” comment! When I was working, I enjoyed teaching others the how-to of our work. It is an element that I miss about working… not enough to go back to work though!
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Many of your thoughts resonate with me. I’ve been told that I need to “find joy”.
I run a remodeling business with my husband and although physically I have a work/life balance, I have to admit mentally it consumes me.
I’m working on understanding myself through enneagram, tarot cards, meditation and trying to figure out what semi-retirement will look like.
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Nancy, I enjoyed learning about enneagram, which was one of my “during COVID” study areas. (I’m a 1, 9 wing).
One of my tools for joy is called Jolts of Joy – make a list of 31 little things that bring you joy. Think all your senses, anything that brings a smile to your face. My list including things like fine-tip blue pens and cool crisp sheets. I know someone that had pink champagne on her list. Then, how can you bring some of those things into your life on a more regular basis. Yes, I bought a box of fine-tip blue pens and that woman I mentioned always has pink champagne in her fridge! Other tools – daily gratitude, awe walks, or simply what brought me joy today?
I had Joy as my word-of-the-year a number of years ago and bought a coffee mug that said “find joy in each day”…. to this day, I drink coffee out of that mug!
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I had an angel card reading yesterday and we talked about “Joy”. She recommended Living with Joy by Sanaya Roman (which I promptly ordered on Amazon!). I like your suggestion for Jolts of Joy. My reader suggested closing my eyes and thinking about what I enjoyed doing as a child!
I’m an enneagram 1 with 9 wing as well.
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Nancy, I tried the “what did I enjoy as a child” but couldn’t really find it in my memories. Even then, I was a dabbler. I did love to read though. Good luck with that approach for you.
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