When I retired, I choose to work on becoming a more positive person. I liked more positive people and wanted to emulate that attitude towards life. I studied Positive Psychology and consciously worked toward Putting Positive Psychology into Practice in my life. (link here to a post about that) Changing from a critical, pessimistic mindset to an accepting, optimistic mindset is still a work in progress. I continue many positivity practices: trying to savor the little things in life, investing in experiences, practicing daily gratitude, appreciate my time abundance, creating intentional social connections, moving (almost) daily, getting adequate sleep, activating my signature strengths, and
aligning my activities with my retirement lifestyle vision.
But I’m learning there are other aspects of my hard-wired thinking style – not just the critical pessimism. Recently, I started catching myself thinking a certain way and became aware of my having a Hustle Culture Mindset even though I’m living a Leisure Culture Lifestyle. (link here to that post)
A while back I had become aware my hard-wire thinking was strongly linked to the Good Girl Syndrome and I struggled to let the “bad girl” or wild woman inside me out. (link here to that post). I tried to unleash my inner Wild Woman by acknowledging there so many things I do for her: journal and tarot practices, getting out into nature, re-reading favorite books, moving my body in drumming, getting together with friends. I’ve tried to add more frivolous and fun things to my calendar. But my Good Girl Syndrome thinking, even with trying to let the Wild Woman out, is still deeply hard-wired and shows up in my desire to meet other’s expectations (and guilt when I don’t), my avoiding conflicts and being overly accommodating, my taking on responsibility for things (juggling too much), my fear of making mistakes (and taking criticism as a reflection of incompetency), and being judgmental, of myself and others. The outward-focused Good Girl in me continues to be very powerful!
And just last week I was shocked to become aware that my brain hard-wiring was still linked with the Bag Lady Syndrome! I badly over-reacted to a car repair bill, and had to step back and ask myself why I had such an over-reaction.
Just like my Hustle Culture mindset is not linked to the reality that I live a Leisure Culture lifestyle; my Bag Lady Syndrome mindset has nothing to do with the reality of my financial stability. With the Bag Lady Syndrome there is an underlying fear of financial disaster and being homeless. And while, technically we are not homeless as we have a perfectly fine apartment to shelter us, my inner feeling is a sense of homeless-ness with the loss of our home. And the unsettled environment we are living in right now (city, state, and country) does not help with a feeling of safety and security! The Bag Lady fear appears to be deeply hard-wired in my brain and it just pops out – from over-reacting to a car repair cost. to worrying about the cost of eating out or a hotel room, to feeling terrified at the cost of everything we need to recover our home.
Recognizing that I have elements of a Hustle Culture mindset, a Good Girl mindset, and a Bag Lady mindset all deeply embedded in my hard-wired thinking made me realize that I want to be one way, but my hard-wired reactions are not consistent with the way I want to be. There’s a lot of hard-wiring change still needed! I want to be accepting, optimistic, inner focused, feeling secure, and enjoying living a non-judgmental Leisure Culture lifestyle.
I will continue to work on shifting from a critical, pessimistic mindset to the accepting, optimistic mindset I want to have. I will continue to work on easing away from a Hustle Culture mindset which creates conflict with my living a Leisure Culture lifestyle. I will continue to work on releasing some of the outward focus of the Good Girl mindset and let my inner Wild Woman out, as well as easing the Bag Lady fears with the reality of our financial stability.
The challenge is how do I truly make a shift in deeply embedded hard-wired mindsets? Yes, there is awareness – catching myself thinking a certain way and being aware if it’s my critical pessimism, my Hustle Culture mindset, my Good Girl outward focus, or my Bag Lady worry about insecurity. I’m trying to identify some more concrete ways to embrace mistakes and constructive feedback as opportunities to learn (versus just having a feeling of failure and incompetency, big triggers for me). And dare I even celebrate when I’m being frivolous?
As you think about these various mindsets, do you have differences in how you want to be versus how you actually react? Do you relate to any of these elements – Positivity vs Pessimism, Hustle Culture Mindset, Bag Lady Syndrome, Good Girl Syndrome?
Picture Credit: a quiet moment – blue sky and green trees on the brink of fall… no, not in Florida!
Copyright © 2025 retirementtransition.blog – All rights reserved.
retirementtransition 
Although I’m just turning 50 this year I am also in a state of transition as I’m once again schooling my 12 year old at home and semi-retired. This “bag-lady ” mentality and “hustle” mindstate that once was so strong in us must be deprioritized so the stress of it doesn’t hold us back from enjoying the here and now. I think us Americans really worry about how many steps we are away from being unhoused. Afterall, housing here is a major monthly bill and the struggle is real for most of us. Keep pressing on, retired-one, living life to the fullest and in the abundance that God provides you. Holy bible, John 10:10
LikeLike
I think it’s almost impossible to completely change who we are. Recognizing you are a certain way certainly can motivate some changes, but in the long run, we are who we are. I would love to be a Wild Woman, but that will never be me. I accept that and don’t worry about it, especially when it comes to how others might perceive me. At this stage of my life, I choose to be what’s comfortable for me. I’m tired of trying to live up to someone else’s standards. It works and there’s a lot less angst.
LikeLiked by 3 people
I understand accepting how one is. But parts of me I do want to change… I like myself better when I’m more positive or engaging in some of my Wild Woman activities. I feel better, too. No, I will never totally get rid of that Bag Lady, the Good Girl, or my critical thinking pessimism. Eileen below made me realize that it’s a balance. Not banishing one side, but allowing the other side some freedom to co-exist. That’s where my focus is going to be!
LikeLike
Your description of “hard-wire” patterns makes it clear these aren’t easy to change. I’m an optimist married to a pessimist. But he doesn’t have your ability for introspection, making it fairly certain there will be no change along those lines. But there can be good aspects to having someone around who can anticipate what might go wrong. It makes space to prepare better. Finding a balance is a good target as opposed to banishing a particular pattern entirely.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Eilene, Really great insight about not banishing the patterns completely. And I don’t think I ever really could, as they are deeply part of me. I think the surprise for me was I thought I had banished the Bag Lady! But in reality, she is still very much part of me. As is the critical thinking pessimist… I am a really good planner because I almost always think through everything that might go wrong! It’s a great insight to appreciate what each side (the balance) brings.
LikeLiked by 1 person
As always, I’m so impressed by your deep introspection and desire to continue to evolve and improve, Pat. It’s an ongoing balance between accepting our whole selves and still working to grow and learn. I liken it to a baby who is perfect just as they are and yet we celebrate each stage of growth and new accomplishment. Good luck in your continued journey of self-discovery!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Christie, Deep introspection – a very nice way of saying I overthink things. 🙂 But it is continued self-discovery and sometimes that means working to change. Thanks for stopping by!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pat, you put so much energy, care, and thought into analyzing who you are and defining who you want to become. You articulate both beautifully, and I always enjoy reading your thoughtfully written posts.
Good Girl is mostly in the past for me, as I have nearly conquered the need to please and no longer desire to ‘be accepted.’ I am finally comfortable with just being me. Bag Lady is a great description of our combined frugal nature, as my husband and I dare to release the purse strings – even at this stage of life. For example, he needs/wants a new car, and can afford to have what he wants, but continues to talk himself out of it in favor of something ‘more practical’. We have what we need, but not necessarily what we want, in nearly every aspect of our lives. A gift from both our sets of parents that keeps on giving. I feel resentful at times, but also grateful because living carefully got us to a good place. But, if not now, when?
I appreciate Leanne’s last sentence about ‘letting stuff go and replacing it with who we want to be.’ I know that it is possible. The more negative energy we let go, the more space we have for developing new attitudes.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Suzanne, I am working on releasing the need to please. A very hard one for me. I like how you state it as “comfortable with just being me:”
I think the shocker that last week was the resurfacing of the Bag Lady. I had thought I’d gotten rid of her. Yes, a completely impractical (horrible distance driving, half my friends can’t get in it easily) and super fun Jeep was purchased 2 years ago! So when she reacted to the car repair so viscerally, it was an OMG moment. I’ve used the mantra “today is someday” often to help me not put off buying what I want, doing what I want. Delayed gratification was our working life… now is the time FOR the gratification (if we can afford it, and most of the times we can!).
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think car repair bills are something to go a little bit crazy over!
LikeLike
Pat I think we must be related because I have all of those (although I’m getting much better at not basing my self-worth on busyness). I hadn’t heard of Bag Lady beliefs but I have them deeply embedded and have to fight against them every time “frivolous” money spends appear on my radar. I believe that you can’t turn 50+ years of ingrained conditioning off in a decade – you can become aware of it and intentionally choose to not let it get the upper hand, but I’m not sure it will ever disappear. My other big one is Worry – it gets to me and I’m better at pushing it off, but it still eats at me unnecessarily. We’re all works in progress my friend – but we’re better than we were, and we’ll keep letting that stuff go and replacing it with who we want to be. x
LikeLiked by 1 person
Leanne, Love the “you can’t turn 50+ years of ingrained conditioning off in a decade.” You are absolutely right. I thought I had resolved much of the Bag Lady mindset (I’m OK spending on much that others would consider frivolous!) so it was a bit of a shocker to realize it was still deeply in my conditioned response. And yes, works in progress. And being aware of the inner conditioning that is different than what I want to be, that’s so helpful in that work-in-progress.
LikeLike
Haha, I totally relate to all three. I’m an extremely pessimistic person. My son teases me because I always have a story on how someone died doing whatever he’s proposing doing. As the oldest of 3 kids, I was the peacemaker – sitting in the middle seat so my siblings could sit by the windows, etc. Hubby and I are very frugal causing our financial planner to remind us that we can do anything we want, travel, buy a second home, etc. if we want. Yet we use Gasbuddy to find the cheapest gas, grocery shop on Wednesday so we get the senior discount, etc. But it’s who I am and who I expect to be until I take my last breath.
LikeLiked by 1 person
OMG – I was always sitting in that middle seat between my siblings as well. For so much of my life, I was the peacekeeper, the “don’t rock the boat”, the avoid conflict at all costs. And the Bag Lady thing – I guess I’m a little better now. While I do use coupons still, I’m not yet in the shop on senior days only – Maybe because I don’t know what day that is! Now, I’m going to have to figure that out…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I struggle with all of those! Trying to be positive instead of pessimistic (or as I refer to it “waiting for the other show to drop”), Hustle, Good Girl, and Bag Lady. It’s crazy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s so nice to know I’m not alone in these patterns of thinking!
LikeLike