I read a number of other mid-life bloggers and often find inspiration in their words. Many of them do an end of the month update on what they have been doing. Similar to a previous blog post,, Deb’s blog discussion (link here) about juggling things resonated with me – my month of June felt like a juggling act.
In June I focused on trying to live and not just wait till the whole house recovery trauma is over. I am trying to remain hopeful, despite more delays (no, we do not have a building permit yet). I realized I am “doing” quite a bit, but not “being” very much. Doing distracts me from the frustration of waiting, the churning stomach anxiety of uncertainty, and the anger with incompetence. Am I doing too much? Maybe. But I am also not doing some of things that really need to be done! And I want to start doing things to move the return to our home forward, like choosing countertops, light fixtures, appliances, and furniture. Yes, Patience is my WOTY and it is hard to be patient with the frustration of things not progressing or the anxiety of things going wrong.
“Patience is to be calm no matter what happens, constantly take action to turn it to positive growth opportunities, and have faith to believe that it will all work out in the end while you are waiting.” Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
On the doing side of things, there were a number of highlights in June:
- A family gathering in Syracuse for my great-niece’s graduation; I had not seen most of my family in over a year. It was a lovely busy (and exhausting) weekend catching up and doing things as a family.
- A number of dates with hubby including fun days at Mote Aquarium and Dali Museum. I realized I need to plan more we-time.
- Reaching out with and agreeing to invitations for creating new friendships. A number of my tribe are leaving (have left) the area, so Intentional Connections is back on the to-do. Intentional Connections was a focus area when I first retired, and again when we moved to Florida, so I do know how it’s done.
- I did return to doing yoga (not quite regular yet), did some crafting and some gardening, and continued cardio drumming, book clubs, regular massages, and mental health therapy.
But there was also a great deal of mind space anxiety, “Am I doing it right?” Frustration about the water bill still coming despite cancel note accepted. Did I enroll in Medicare correctly? Send another note to another new lawn service communicating expectations! Am I being a good friend to friends who are dealing with significant life issues themselves? Doing a (ridiculous) ICC grant requirement follow-up. Worrying about SBA loan silence – what do I need to do? Another FEMA-frustration phone call. Do I push on new Elevation Certificate or not?
One thing I’ve learned, if a government agency, building department, insurance company or any other bureaucratic organization asks for a form or letter with specific words, just do it. It doesn’t matter if the information is redundant (already sent in multiple times), is not applicable to the situation at all, or even is simply an insane request. It doesn’t matter that it might take you hours of follow-up or even an argument to get the document(s). Just do it so they can check the damn box and move on in the process.
June did seem to fly by as I juggled house recovery items, getting back to living life, and some travel. The lack of forward progress on the house recovery is weighing on me. I will continue to do the things recommended to help – self-care, time with friends, doing things I enjoy. And yeah, I will figure out how to juggle in some time to just BE!
Do you struggle with balance of doing and being?
Picture Credit: Flowers at Boldt Castle, Syracuse during a family visit there
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Just BE. Love it. I think that’s why I love our home in the woods so much … and why I hate our winter condo living so much. I can look out any window to see trees, wildlife, and birds even on a rainy day like today. I suspect your home on the water offers you much of the same. Best wishes as you figure out “BE” opportunities until you have your beautiful home back.
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You are absolutely correct! I so miss our view – which I love in any weather. And the brightness of our home which had many windows (new one will as well). Every home we’ve ever had, I had a chair positioned so I could sit and look outside. This first floor apartment is so dark, and no chair at all to position to look out – well it would be looking out on a parking lot. I know it is short term, but I just wish there was some more momentum on house recovery!
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When there really is so much to be done, it IS hard to just be. The to-dos just disturb the peace of mind! At least you’re aware that there is a need for some down time. Sucks to be dealing with so much bureaucratic nonsense, I’m sure!
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I’m never sure when the next bureaucratic hoop will come either. I think I’ve done everything, and then bam, “no, you need this other thing” – one we never mentioned before. And you’re back to the bottom of their pile. It’s hard to watch the days pass with no forward momentum on the rebuild. Trying to keep on living in this waiting time is a challenge for me.
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Pat, it should be illegal how frustrating the slog through bureaucracy can be… maybe try screaming into a pillow to release some of the pent up feelings? Your attitude of ‘just do it so they can check the damn box’ is a good one as you can only bang your head against a brick wall for so long!! I fear ‘just being’ right now would allow your mind to linger on those frustrations so it might be best for you to lean heavy on the ‘doing’ 😊
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I chuckled about my mind lingering on the frustrations – you might be right. There is so much also out of my control. So I focus on what I can do, and adding back into my routine things that bring me joy.
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Just do it so they can check the damn box and move on in the process.
You are right about that. I know it’s frustrating and stupid and annoying to deal with bureaucracy but it is our reality. You’re doing great, in my observation. Ever onward. Also pleased to read you had some fun time during the month. Balance is where and when you find it.
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Ally, when we get together with others who are dealing with same challenges, we do have a “can you top this” stupid bureaucratic situation discussion. It’s mind boggling. But yes, continuing to focus on making sure I am doing things I love and now, some “just be” time.
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It must seem endless at times Pat – two steps forward and one and a half steps back. You are making progress though and you’ll get there. Imagine where you’d be still if you didn’t have the drive and determination to keep jumping through all those bureaucratic hoops. So glad to see that you’ve fitted a few fun things into your month and I love the idea of “we-time” rather than the all-too-popular “me-time” – although you probably need that too. Hang in there – you’re inspiring the rest of us! x
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Leanne, You are not alone in pointing out the progress made, and I appreciate everyone who does. It is just so slow and the bureaucratic hoops simply mind-numbing. I believe they do it so you just give up. Many people have and there are houses all over being sold “as is” at rock bottom prices. These houses will be torn down and “McMansions” built – changing the town dynamics. Those of us who are fighting through are worried what the environment will be like in a few years…will it be that same as what we moved here for? Yes, one more thing to worry about. But I am continuing to try and do fun things including dates with hubby. And when we finally get a building permit, I’ll be hollering hallelujah at the top of my lungs!
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I can empathize with that mind space anxiety. Some days I also worry that my mind space is shrinking along with my height. But you sound like you’re tackling it all in all the right ways. Cheers from here!
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Thanks Fran. I am definitely finding that I can only do one thing at a time – no multitasking! And write everything down instead of trying ti remember things. Years ago I was known to have a “rolodex mind” so this is a change, for sure.
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