One of the positives about writing a blog is the ability to look back to see what was going on in my life at various times. I can look back and see how I was dealing with the early days of my own retirement transition (many years ago now! – here’s a link to my first post about Life Domains, which was eventually translated into the Life Domains I shared in my book – yes, it is still available on Amazon – link here). I can see some of the other big life transition points in retirement (from my approach to dealing with cancer – link here, or the choice to move to full-time residency in Florida – link here). This week I started to ponder, where was I mentally before the hurricanes hit? It feels like I’ve lost 6 months and taken a big step backward in my personal development.
Retirement has given me the time to focus on personal development. Back when I wrote my book about retirement transition one of the domains (one that I struggled with) I called, at the time, Self-development/Generativity. Generativity was something that all the retirement books talked about; it’s about your life purpose and legacy. How was I going to “make my mark” legacy-wise when I had no children, I was leaving the mentoring mode of my career, and had no real desire or direction about volunteering nor community activism?
I spent many years of my retirement working in this domain, especially in personal development. I refined my retirement lifestyle vision to align with my core values. I continuously (and unsuccessfully) explored the idea of what was my life purpose. I spent time understanding my self-limiting beliefs and then worked on awareness and affirmations to help release them, multiple times. I studied and intentionally implemented many of the Positive Psychology practices. I worked on self-acceptance. This was the point I was at pre-hurricane! Self-acceptance. I know this because I looked at my blogs from early to mid 2024.
I had come to an acceptance that I liked my life with its balance of same-old routines and new experiences. I had found a life rhythm that was aligned to my retirement lifestyle vision and core values. It was a leisurely life, filled with volunteering, exercise classes I enjoyed, and dabbling in crafting and gardening. It had its contentious moments and some personal development items were still work-in-progress (awareness of my friendship fantasies versus reality, working on celebrating myself versus Compare & Despair). But I felt settled in our lifestyle here in Florida, and had even decided it was time to travel again. Travel was something I enjoyed years ago and hubby encouraged me to re-engage in travel planning.
Boom. I am no longer there. I’m back to massive self-doubt with regular Compare & Despair. My routines are shot and I’m struggling to plan new experiences with a high anxiety things will go wrong. Just figuring out where to park to atttend a new event made me decide to not plan it at all! My trepidation about travel has returned (planes going down everywhere it seems) and has even increased around international travel. I’m ashamed to be an American these days and I’m terrified to make any travel plans overseas.
These past few weeks have been a roller-coaster of grief again. Forward momentum on the house recovery has stalled. Sadness has settled in, my irritability is sky-rocketing, and my anger is barely suppressed. I am trying to be kind to myself, to accept these emotions, and to do those positive psychology practices I know – practice gratitude, look for moments of joy, get outside and be in nature, connect to friends, hubby dates.
For some motivational self-talk, I took a relook at life purpose, this time with a “small p” with insights from Dr. Laurie Santos, a researcher into the science of well-being and happiness. She encourages you to “find your purpose with a little-p” with some of these activities:
- Enjoy the daily journey, find joy in something every day
- Watch for what activities actually light us up while we’re doing them; engage in activities that spark your energy and engagement; ruthlessly cross off from your schedule activities that drain your energy!
- Instead of looking outward towards the expectations of others, look inward; listen to our own inner supportive voice.
I also looked back at another time I wrote in a blog about uncertainty and hope (link here). Back in 2020, at the beginning of the Covid pandemic, there was social uncertainty. Not unlike today when we really did (do) not know what additional horrors the next day would bring! It was fascinating how the self-talk I gave myself then I can give myself again today:
- Make sure you keep taking care of your body – sleep, eat well, move it!
- It’s OK to feel bad some days. Accept the negative emotions.
- Just stop the Compare & Despair. [Your journey is your journey.]
- Make a connection with a friend every single day!
- Continue to practice gratitude; find joy and beauty in every single day.
- Be content in this moment. Choose to live life now. Now is the only time things can happen. Not the past – that cannot be changed. Not the future – you don’t know what will unfold. Focus on today.
And so, I will focus more on finding the joy in each day, doing the things that spark positive energy, and showing myself kindness on the days that are just bad.
But I also do have hope for the future; hope that life will return to a nice blend of routines I love and new experiences I can look forward to. I hope to return to a feeling of self-acceptance. Hope …and patience. Patience with the process of healing – both the house recovery and my own mental recovery! But, can’t both go just a tiny bit faster?
If you are another blogger, do you value past blogs as a source of, “Where was I?”
Picture Credit: an immersive museum experience this week (Hubby date!) – walls of flowers
Copyright © 2025 retirementtransition.blog – All rights reserved.
retirementtransition 
Sorry for late responses to everyone… been another tough week.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes! I just wish I had as many posts as you do so I guess for me I look back at the drafts!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I had to chuckle, but yeah, my goal has always been one post a week, and it’s going on 10 years now…. so there is a lot. I never look back at drafts… which would actually be a good source of a new blog topic when I’m stuck for one!
LikeLike
I was sure I had left a comment when I read it. Alas I either didn’t hit send or it wouldn’t go thru and I have had that happen a few times lately.
I am sorry that life has been such a struggle lately – I totally get that as life throws curve balls or in this case a hurricane or two. Take it one day at a time, find some glimmers and gratitudes to hang on to and cut yourself some slack. Find as much routine as you can and embrace the wins each day even if they are little. And when it all gets too much and the temper feels like flaring it’s big steady breaths with the thought “this too shall pass”. Take care of yourself.
And yes I do read some back posts if I can remember what the heck the one I am looking for is called! With 1500+ it is hard to remember sometimes.
Bernie
LikeLiked by 1 person
Bernie, I don’t think you’ll be too shocked when I say… I have a list of all my blog posts with date, name, and topic. Granted, it’s not 1500+, but if I keep writing, maybe someday it will be. 🙂 I looked there to see if I had talked about uncertainty ( I had), how I talked about big life changes (easy to locate blog date), etc.
Everyday I am trying to focus on gratitude and being kind to myself. Looking for glimmers and small wins. Beside grieving for everything lost (community, safety), I’m also having to not feel guilty for my lack of activism. And I’m unfortunately not sure that “this too shall pass” will work there.
LikeLike
ah The Engineer in you has the spreadsheet all organized! I bought into having a catchy title to draw people in and that often leaves me scratching my head wondering what the heck the post is about! I don’t think I expected to have 1500 blog posts on this blog alone.
fingers crossed for you to use your glimmers and small wins. It is definitely a long haul, your specific situation makes for a LOT of challenges.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am going through some very difficult times myself and I certainly can relate to all the emotions you are going through. It’s very overwhelming but I know that eventually there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. I am sending you strength and a big hug. Take care of yourself.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yvonne, I recall a time in my life that was so challenging that there was not a light at the end of the tunnel for many months. I’m so grateful that this time, there is a light. It’s just very distant! But I am reminding myself of that light as part of my daily gratitude.
I hope in your situation, you too can see a light, however distant or dim it might be.
LikeLike
I like how you’ve chosen to look back at the progress you had made before this latest setback. It reminds you of forward momentum and that it will come around again. Compare and despair really is self-defeating, but I think we all go there sometimes.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Eilene, I know deep down, I will get back to more acceptance again. But it’s so challenging when you hear, “you must do this” or “I can’t believe you’re doing that” or “why didn’t you do this”, from others facing similar house recovery situations. I know every situation is slightly different, but still hard to not question myself, to not compare and feel l’ve made wrong decisions. Even today, the self-doubt is rearing it’s head on a choice I’ve made because of the lack of progress on the path chosen.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pat, take a trip, clear your head. You will return with a new perspective. If you believe you will face scrutiny abroad, take a baby step and travel within the US. There are so many wonderful places to explore. I promise it will do a world of good.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oops, forgot to reply to your question. Yes, I often look back at posts from previous years. I see a pattern of ups and downs, confidence and lack thereof, routines and chaos. History reminds me that there isn’t a ‘perfect’ situation and the best I can do is stay present and attentive.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Suzanne, Are you a mind-reader? I actually have a mini-road trip planned for this week! I knew I would need some time away in the whole house recovery process, so booked us to visit two cities, both driving distance, that I’ve never been to. St Augustine (I know – close to your stomping grounds), and Charleston. Just a couple of nights in each to get a taste of the city – walking tours booked in both; dinner plans made in both. Tim & I have traveled extensively in the US, but never to these cities, which both get rave reviews. And am hoping for a bit clearer head – or at least a few good meals.
LikeLike
Hi Pat, I sometimes look back at my blog posts just to see what I was doing or thinking at the time.
You haven’t really mentioned it so I’m wondering how much of the responsibility your hubby is taking in the recovery and rebuild process – maybe you can let him take a little more for a while? I haven’t read it yet but I’m also wondering if Mel Robbins recent book “Let Them Theory” would help in any way, here’s the blurb: “If you’ve ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or frustrated with where you are, the problem isn’t you. The problem is the power you give to other people. Two simple words—Let Them—will set you free.”
We’re going on a cruise next month for our 40th anniversary, leaving from San Juan, which means we have to get on a couple of planes…I’m very nervous about it but I’m not going to focus on it. I have absolutely no control over it so I’ve just got to live my life and deal with what comes.
Sending you lots of warm thoughts and big hugs!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sharon, I had to smile about what hubby can do. His skill set is not project management, paperwork, nor dealing with people. I have given him a few things like figure out best water-filtration system and elevator for the new build. He’ll also be the hands-on guy when it comes to putting the house back together – we saved our ceiling fans & chandeliers; he’ll be doing the most of the shelving (closet & storage) to save contractor money. I’ve also been thinking lately, what else can I ask him to take on to ease my load now. So thanks for the nudge on that.
Hope your cruise goes wonderfully! We are actually taking a small road trip this week, just to get away and shift my mind for a few days. I did some planning for this one versus the last disappointing, completely no-plans-trip, so I’m hoping it will be more enjoyable – I need to have things planned, I’m not great with spontaneity!
LikeLiked by 1 person
In truth I rarely go back and read what I wrote. Somehow I’ve always thought of my blog as being something in the here and now, so who I was back then is secondary. You make a good case for reviewing who you were, how you were thinking/feeling at a certain point in time. I know I’ve changed over the years, just couldn’t tell you specifically in what ways.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ally, Fascinating how you view your blog! I’m also a bit afraid to say, I look back at some and think “Damn that was a well-written blog’. :-).
LikeLike
Hey Pat, dang life is hard. I often wonder why it has to be so hard. We get times of things going well, only to be interrupted by difficulty. Sometimes I use, “you have to have the bad to appreciate the good”, but I’m sure that’s not very helpful. I wish I had some fantastic words of wisdom but I don’t. I do love that you are recognizing, accepting and trying to deal with your emotions and your situation. Keep it up! All I got for ya, is, “this too shall pass”!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Candyse, I do know that logically, it will all get done and the end will be OK. But why does the journey have to be so friggin hard? Why does it seem people are intentionally putting in more obstacles, more hoops to jump through, more paperwork to fill out, less reviewers to move paperwork through the system? Locally, people are just angry, and that doesn’t help remove obstacles! H-ll, I’m angry and I know it’s not helping my life.
Tim & I are heading on a road trip this week… praying for no road rage, smooth check-ins, and decent weather.
LikeLike
Hi Pat – life is such an up and down journey isn’t it? We can make all our plans with the best of intentions, and then life comes and kicks us in the teeth. (I love this meme: https://x.com/matthewtoren/status/975448392053669888) I’m told struggle builds character, but sometimes I feel like I’d be happy to be shallow!
Hang in there – during the pus and pain of our bathroom being gutted, the builder keeps telling me I’ll love the end result. I’m sure I will, but it’s the “getting there” that’s the hard part. Hang in there kiddo!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Leanne, Ups and downs in the journey for sure. Starts and stops as well. The house demo is at full stop at the moment; the demo guy assures me it will get done, eventually. The town’s Building Department head quit, so who knows what disarray that will cause in permit issuance (needed to even start creating the build schedule!). And new life glitch, my lawn care guys need to stop their business (not good news, one had massive coronary), so I have to find a new service. Yes, we still have a lawn to maintain, even if the house is coming down. And the town is starting to fine those who are not maintaining their property appropriately. I, too am sure at the end it will be great… but the getting there is not going to be easy.
Hope your project is starting to move forward!
LikeLike