This blog is a bit of a ramble of what’s been happening in my life post the significant impact of two back-to-back Category 4 Hurricanes on our home in Florida.
So many people reached out to help…it simply shocked me. Offers of hands & backs to help move things, offers of homes to stay in, offers to come and use internet, offers to do laundry, offers to clean dishes. While I didn’t take all the offers, they kept me standing and moving forward in those first days. I honestly do not know how I would have made it through those first weeks without that physical and emotional support from so many! My salvaged belongings (clothing, linens, dishes) ended up being all over the county, and I’m just now trying to corral them back. These days a common conversation is, “Was that salvaged or is it gone? If it’s salvaged, any idea where it might be? Nope.”
In the first days, I had high hopes to salvage lots of stuff. But reality set in quickly – salt-water saturated wood swells. Sewage in the flood water brings in mold spores and a nastiness you just can’t imagine. We had to break apart dressers to get clothing out of drawers and wrench open wood cabinets to remove enough to make the piece liftable to get it out of the house. Anything electronic is completely shot when submerged in salt water. It’s amazing how quickly rust sets in on metal and mold sets in on cloth and particle board. We went from “can we salvage” to “just get it gone”.
When Hurricane Milton was approaching (10 days after Hurricane Helene hit us), we had just moved into our short-term rental (in a non-evacuation zone), we were exhausted from trying to deal with the flooding aftermath, and the roads were jammed with people evacuating. The absolute terror as the news relayed Category 3 to Category 4 to Category 5 increases in intensity with a predicted direct hit on us cannot be described. I literally sent an “in case we don’t make it” note to my family. It was horrible to pray for it to hit someplace else. Milton did not hit us directly, but we still sustained even more damage to the house.
I realized how reliant I am on my cell phone. With spotty cell phone coverage and no internet for days, I was at a loss! I realized also how I expect little things, like windows you can open if there is no power or AC. Neither of our rental units, short term nor longer term, had/have bedroom windows that can be opened! When the AC in our longer-term rental went completely out, I began to feel like I had a cloud following us. I have realized also how accustomed I am to light. Our home had a lot of windows; our rental unit feels like a cave with few windows and very dim lighting. I’m still trying to figure out where I’ll be able to read a book in here.
We went from a whirlwind of “get everything out” so we can clean and sanitize ASAP (prevent mold formation!) and document, document, document…. to a slow speed on inspections, claims adjusters, and permitting red tape. Each day is still filled with hurricane activities – from waiting on inspections to figuring out where our things are to cleaning some of the few salvaged items we have. We’ve just started the “so what is our next step” conversations – getting clearer on feasibility, cost, timing. There is not a short-term “fix”.
I’ve learned some things not to say to a flood victim (yes, these are things said or FB commented):
- When helping remove things from the house that are salt-water and sewage saturated and need to go in the debris pile, do not comment, “Isn’t this just a beautiful piece?”
- When I’ve had to toss things because 1) I have nowhere to put salt-water and sewage saturated items to try and restore at some future date, 2) we have no tools left to work on restoration of anything (nor the skill set in many cases), and 3) that item is one of 650+ items I’ve had to say good-bye to, do not comment, “You know, that could have been restored”.
- Do not ask, “how are you doing?” You expect me to say, “I’m fine.” But I’m not. I’m not fine. I’m stressed, scattered, uncertain, confused, exhausted. Every day there are moments I struggle with nausea, chest constriction, trouble breathing. I have very little patience. And yes, I am practicing gratitude every day, which is keeping me from outright screaming at the world non-stop.
- Do not comment, “Anyone living in an area that can flood is stupid.” There had not been a flood like this here in 75+ years (that’s how long there have been homes here). Almost everyone lives with a danger of Mother Nature’s wrath – tornadoes, wind storms, earthquakes, forest fires, lightening, and yes, floods. You prepare for it, and hope it doesn’t happen. I keep going back to the fact that we really tried to prevent this. We had not flooded in the house from all the previous floods that impacted some of our neighbors, but still added additional flood protection this past summer. We were secure to a 7ft storm surge, when everything previously was always less than 5 ft. With Helene, we got an 8 ft storm surge.
- Don’t say, “Here’s a gift” to replace something I’ve lost. I know you mean well, but let me grieve the loss first. Let me figure out where my stuff is, what I did salvage. Give me time to know what I might want to replace, what hobbies I might or might not go back to. And remember, I have no home to put it in! And might not for more than a year.
A comment (or two) on “Loss of Stuff”. I’ve been told, “it’s just stuff, be happy you’re alive”. And yes, I am happy we survived (especially after the night of Milton when we didn’t think we would, or looking at the mudslides in North Carolina). But it’s more than stuff. It’s your whole life – your memories, your mementoes, your family heirlooms, things that bring you joy. It’s an overwhelming and heartbreaking loss – the loss of my life history. I designed my Florida living space around the furniture I loved and moved down from Ohio. I’ve lost the vintage pieces I scoured antique stores for and found delight in every day. We lost the gorgeous teak mid-century dining room set we bought just after we married and were learning to find a design aesthetic compromise. We lost items we kept when our parents passed, things from our childhoods, mementoes from our careers, favorite photos of family, our wedding album and our honeymoon scrapbook. I lost most of my journals and all my vision board collages. Hubby lost all his collections from his hobbies through the years, all of which we moved down to Florida (under protest from me, but still moved it all). It’s our life, our hobbies, our lifestyle …all in a huge heap at the curb.
There’s not just the loss of the things, it’s also the loss of their utility, their value. This is not donating it to charity for someone else to use. This is not passing it on to someone else to cherish. This is total loss.
A weird thing about a flood. The items you use regularly are the ones that are lost in a flood. It’s the things you have in the lower cabinets for easier access. The stuff in the top cabinets are the things you rarely use, the seasonal or once-a-year items, the box of “maybe I’ll fit in it again clothing”. That’s the stuff that was high and dry. For perspective, we had 32 inches of water in the house and 47 inches of water in the garage – walk around your own home and look to see what’s above and below that line. Oh, and bookcases, tables, and dressers can tip over!
Another weird thing about the flood aftermath is filling out a loss spreadsheet for insurance. You need to list every single thing you lost, item by item, to try and get your “contents insurance” payment. So, you relive the loss as you write it all down. And, then live the loss again as you find “comparable replacement values”. Many things are truly priceless.
The new mantra from hubby is, “Live the Florida Lifestyle” which is way more minimalistic than we are. We saved clothing, but are now going through that to get rid of things we don’t wear. How many blankets and quilts do we need? (Yes, the quilts are heirlooms… no idea how to emotionally part with them!) I will get down further in books (so many are already gone); hubby will get down in shoes. I will get down in dishes and kitchen stuff. He’ll let go of puzzles and toys. It will be interesting to see which hobbies we take back up since that means buying new “stuff.”
I work on gratitude every single day. And there is a lot to be grateful for. An amazing friend we evacuated to for a 2-3 day stay that turned into 10 days. She did our laundry, fed us dinner no matter how late we got in from flood salvage days, found us a storage unit, took on saving items I was trying to salvage, looked for a long-term rental for us, and more. An amazing builder who got a team in immediately to demo the walls, clean, and sanitize in case we want to renovate (probably can’t given the FEMA codes). Plus, he’s helping us work through the what next. I am so very grateful for my hubby, who has truly been a rock in all this. He’s lost so much – more than I. He’s the hoarder, the collector. He’s lost all his collections and most of his current “hobby toys”. I’m also grateful for my friends who did my laundry, cleaned my dishes, came to lend hands and backs, found us a longer-term place to stay, sent notes and words of encouragement, and continue to reach out to see how we are.
I’m learning to live with uncertainty, which is not a place I am comfortable with. I’m someone who needs a plan, a checklist, a set of to-dos. I’m hoping to establish some new routines. I will process the grief and build a new future vision. I also know it will take time.
So that’s where I am at the moment…. 37 days post Hurricane Helene, 24 days post Hurricane Milton.
Picture: Our front yard with no piles of debris left – a small glimmer of joy this past week
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I hope you will do another update post at the second month milestone. I just cannot imagine. We have our share of stuff but most of it is special to us just as your things were special and precious to you. There is no replacing much of that. And really no way to put a monetary value on many of those keepsakes.
How have you managed to list everything lost? At one point in Panama, I had to take pictures of everything we had in case we just had to get on a plane for the states and leave it all behind. It is ridiculous. Impossible. I just don’t know how you do it. Often times I forget we have something until I need it.
Cannot imagine having to try to manage all of this and then return to your dark, hot rental to try to rest for the next day. I am sure that ‘cave’ would affect my emotions and mental health. I would find getting out of bed a struggle. God bless you.
Continued prayers for… I don’t even know… for some resolution with the insurance company in a timely manner so you can begin the rebuild. For your health and strength. I applaud your for looking for things for which to be grateful. They are always there but when you experience something like this, I am sure it is difficult to feel very grateful. I am trying hard to look in nature for beauty and serenity that is uplifting.
Sending you big hugs. Wish I could do something to help. I am so very sorry.
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Leslie, Hubby had bought torch lights and we leave them on all day! Not the same as natural light, but it has helped. And a long beach walk yesterday helped a bunch also – as you said, look to nature. I will definitely look to do a 2 month… maybe by then there will be a plan. Next post is about living with uncertainty, because we do not yet have that plan.
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I have no words for your current situation. You are so courageous and strong…even if it doesn’t feel like it to you at times. May you continue to be well supported and surrounded by love.
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Christie, It’s nice to hear other’s perspective about being strong and resilient. I certainly have not felt like that! But it is getting a bit easier… telling the story to compassionate listeners (even virtually!) helps.
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Pat, I am so sorry to read about all you have lost…it’s just unimaginable. I’m glad you & your husband are safe but I’m sure it will be a very long time before you are comfortable 💔😢
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When we moved here, we agreed if they called a mandatory evacuation, we evacuate. But even then, with Milton, it was frightening in a non-evacuation zone. I’m not sure how I’m going to face the next one…I’ve always had hurricane anxiety. But yes, we are planning to stay and rebuild.
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Oh Pat, this is unimaginable. As I read through your post, it made me think of the things I would lose and how heartbreaking it would be. Yes, it’s just stuff, but it’s mine and it all has meaning. No one ever thinks this will happen to them. We’ve had terrible tornadoes in Iowa that have left whole towns devastated. It happens. It’s amazing, though, how these disasters bring out the good in people. And we couldn’t survive without them. Go easy on yourself. I know it’s natural to want everything back to normal right now.
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It’s going to be along time for things to back to even a semblance of normal! But I’m going to try and make the best of it. Learning to live with uncertainty (next post) and having more patience (not a strength!) – that’s what is short term.
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This was a tough read… although, of course, nothing compared to actually going through it. I really appreciate you giving us an honest report of everything you – and others – are going through. Thanks also for a list of less-than-helpful things to say. So many of us have no idea what to say – or not say – and it often comes out sounding awkward or less than empathetic.
I remember your various posts about the difficulty you were having at the beginning of your time in Florida making good friends. It now sounds like you have an abundance of good friends who really stepped up.
May you and your husband continue to find strength on your path to feeling whole again.
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Janis, The people who stepped up to help simply astounded and humbled me. I know the comments and things people did were meant to be positive (for the most part) but some were hard to deal with. It was interesting how I also got a bit of flack for asking for help! People all said, let me know how I can help…. well, doing laundry and cleaning dishes was the help I needed. And I asked broadly, not pushing any one person to do anything. It’s interesting that we don’t know what to do when people are dealing with catastrophe… I can tell you now, doing laundry, cleaning dishes, and making me lunch were godsends! Many others were not able to save their clothes or dishes – you need to wash things soon or it’s too late for mold. The things we learn! Thanks for your comments. Still taking it a day at a time, but it’s getting a bit better.
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You said it succinctly: This is total loss. I cannot imagine the emotions you’ve gone through while dealing with Mother Nature’s wrath. I know you’ll triumph in your own way but so sorry this happened to you.
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Thanks Ally. Triumph might be a long time in coming…but we do plan to rebuild. I do believe this event is a pivotal one for us…probably one of the biggest. So it will be interesting to see how we adjust to the change it’s bringing.
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Pat, what a difficult, difficult time. This is devastating. I really feel for you and appreciate your sharing what you’re going through, and send good thoughts for your continued resilience.
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Thanks Judi. It really does show us that we don’t know what retirement will bring, hmm? It’s interesting how many folks are telling me I’m resilient and strong…. it hasn’t felt like that past few weeks! It’s helpful to hear other’s perspective.
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My heart aches for you.my prayers are with you as you deal with this loss.
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Pushed out of our own home for an insurance claim, I thought we were suffering badly but I can’t even begin to compare our situations (although I do understand the frustration at not having a clue where anything might be as well as living somewhere not entirely of your choosing). I’m really sorry for what you are going through but I know from your blog that you are resilient and that your inner strength will win the day.
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Thank you for that! I have not felt very resilient of late, but then I look to see everything we’ve had to do in the last 6 weeks and think… OK, I did get through a lot. Still lots of uncertainty, which is my next blog topic!
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Pat, my heart goes out to you. Wishing you strength and courage at this very difficult time. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
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Thanks Yvonne. I’ve found sharing the story helps me move forward. I appreciate your reaching back to me.
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oh gosh Pat, I’m so so sorry for everything you have been through. I can’t even begin to comprehend how devastating and shattering this must be. You are doing amazing just by keeping going, moving forward and processing your grief.
As you say, this could absolutely happen to anyone, anywhere. Mother Nature is an unpredictable beast and none of us should be complacent.
sending you virtual hugs and love
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Thanks Janine. I continue to take things one day at a time. My next post is about uncertainty. Now that we’ve faced the loss, we face the uncertainty of the future.
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Pat, this is utterly heartwrenching to read. I am so very sorry for all that you have lost. I don’t know how you found the strength to process all of this. I would still be screaming. One day at a time…blessings.
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Suzanne, There was definitely some screaming going on. Less now. I’ve been working on patience and will probably be saying that for months as things move maddeningly slow.
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Pat – that was eye-opening, heart-breaking, thought-provoking, and so much more. I am so sorry for all you’ve lost – and for the retirement dream that’s turned into a nightmare. I’m so glad you can find some glimmers of gratitude in amongst it all, but I’m also glad you’re allowing yourselves to grieve and to process it all. You’re often in my thoughts and I hope that you find some calm and comfort once you settle a little more into this new normal – this too shall pass, but it still sucks big time, and it’s okay to be sad and to be overwhelmed – it’s a huge deal for you both. Sending you a hug from down under.
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Thanks Leanne. I find that “talking about it” and hearing “it sucks” from others actually helps! I’m working on emotional recovery as much as property recovery!
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Wow. I simply cannot imagine. Wishing you strength over the coming months.
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Thank you. I’ve found that talking about it helps alleviate some of the tension about it. It’s going to be a long journey back.
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