Yesterday and today I’ve had conflicting messages coming at me. One was about following your dream and not to be dissuaded by others. The heartfelt message communicated was, it is never too late to manifest your dream. Take up an old/new passion in your 50’s or 60’s or 70’s! Join a band, learn to paint, travel your bucket list. You have the time now to master something you always wanted to master.
Then, contradicting that message was one about not wasting time (mental energy) on what you don’t have, but rather to find joy in the life you are living. Let go of what you thought it would be like (your dream) and focus on what is, today.
So which is it, pursue your dream or love the life you have?
I’ve been finding lots of joy in my life lately – wonderful conversations with friends on our trip up north, the welcoming comfort of D&C’s home, expressed appreciation for my work on a club party (see my party picture!), the sense of belonging in my book clubs, driving my jeep with top open and radio blaring, amazing weather (finally!), some plants recovering from the flood, the joy of sponsoring a show at the local theater, making fairy wands for plant sale. This is my life now and I am finding joy in it.
But, I often come back to the question – is travel a part of my retirement dream? Did I give up a dream or did I realize that I hate the stress of traveling? Is travel just a retirement should, a social expectation for your retirement years? So many of my friends travel regularly! There are places I’d like to visit. But, I wonder if the stress and worry of travel planning & execution and the break in routines are worth it, and then I don’t even begin the planning!
There are other social expectations of the “dream retirement”, too. There is the expectation to have a de-cluttered house versus our chaotic mess. There seems to be some expectation to master a new hobby. Another expectation seems to be cooking and eating healthy versus loving carbs and salty snacks. I feel bombarded with messages about living positive, eating healthy, daily exercise, stimulating the brain, and doing the “right things” to live a long healthy life.
Positivity is not my natural set point!
There are people I know who seem to be positive all the time. It’s not just the Facebook highlight reels – they see the good in everything and seem to never complain about things or even gossip. For me positivity is a choice I made in retirement, and it seems to take constant practice. I can easily fall into the negativity spiral, or turn to whining. I had to consciously stop talking negatively about aspects of our trip up north and just focus on the positive!
So right now, I am finding joy in the life I have and not worrying (too much) about pursuing any dream. I guess I’m not going to be the always positive globetrotting retiree with a stylish uncluttered home base, able to whip up healthy meals on the fly after mastering a new skill. But I do think I know her.
So, for you is it to follow your dream? Or find joy in the now?
Picture Credit: Taken by a friend… me at our Mad Hatter’s Tea Party. ( I rarely share self portraits, but had so much fun dressing up for this event!)
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Pat, I think from ‘knowing’ aspects of your from your writing, this is how it is for you. Some of this thinking, then some of that.’The point for me, the take home so to speak, is the rules are NOT anyone’s rules but yours.
Make ’em, break ’em and remake them.
I get it.
I’ve stopped blogging now. Full stop. That took some doing but I am glad to have chosen more ‘me’ and ‘free’ time but also still enjoy writing a post here and there and connecting.
I’ve started a substack and write there when I feel a need.
I continue to subscribe to blogs I have followed for some time, and will, on occasion, write as I have today.
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Denyse, It is so lovely to hear from you! I know you stopped blogging…that was a wow to me. I think about stopping every once in a while when I struggle with what to write about. But then, I have posts like this which generate some wonderful comments to help me drive to some clarity on my own thinking. I love your “make em, break em, remake em” about rules. I’ve usually been a rule follower, so thinking about it as making my OWN rules now is really thought provoking for me. Thanks for that!
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I choose both! Live in the now and appreciate what I can and am doing. And I do plan for the future (retired at 58, now 62). I do love travel and love returning home. I want to see the US as opposed to my 11y older sister who travels abroad for 15-22d stents. I like to go to an area and take it all in. I don’t speed through in a car and claim to have “seen Dallas” for instance. I spent 3d going into the city and walking my legs off. Museums, architecture, art exhibits, a few meals. I loved those 3 days and really experienced the city. Have I seen TX? No, but I’ve driven some of it’s interstates. My sister covers MILES and MILES in the US. I don’t enjoy that.
The example to say, do it your way. There is no joy in STRESSFUL travel. You’ve earned retirement, follow your heart 🙂
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Elle, I have enjoyed travel in the past and it’s been more like your approach. We spent time in places and yes, walked a lot! Although we have also driven miles, because I had the goal of visiting all 50 states… and there is nothing to see in some of them, so we drove. I recall in North Dakota saying, “we are in the middle of nowhere and it is damn big.” Some day I hope to drive Rt 66, and stop along the way multiple times – so I guess that will be covering miles and miles!
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Route 66 is our one big driving travel binge and once hubster retires we will hit the road for it! Living in the NW, we do some mileage when we go back East for events. Spring 2022, we flew to Charlotte and drove nearly 2200 miles total as we touristed our way to Daytona Beach and then toodled our way back through every location we wanted to spend time in. When you live rural, driving 2h back/forth for a day gathering is normal so spread over 12 days was easy going.
However we choose retirement, we’ve earned the enjoyment that appeals to us.
Happy Monday ya’ll!
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I’m for follow your dreams AND find joy in the life you’re living today. You don’t have to choose; you can do both. Sometimes the universe aligns and you get to do both simultaneously.
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It always does come down to balance, doesn’t it!
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It’s good to find a balance between the two approaches.
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I’m with you Pat — there’s just too much how to info out there! But I do think it’s all how you read it and apply to yourself. And I too think you can have a dream and enjoy your present — indeed, maybe that’s the dream! Nevertheless, a dream doesn’t have to be part of your life right now. Finding contentment with your life as you have so nicely shaped it is wonderful. And I see no need to force anything — just take the encouragement as it works for and what matters. As to travel, try not to let the mundane stuff cloud out any desire for more if you think there is some. There are ways to manage that part. But if there isn’t any real desire, no need to force that either! Nice post Pat!!
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Judi, Thanks. I have found contentment in life, that is absolutely true! I do enjoy each day; even the tough ones have moments of joy. As others have pointed out, travel might happen in the future or maybe not. I actually live in a place many people travel to vacation at!
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Pat, I think positivity is a cultivated mindset that requires practice and is not something that comes naturally to most folks. We all whine a little when things don’t go as planned, but as you say, positivity is a ‘choice.’ Being mindful of that is what sets us apart from the chronically miserable individuals that we sometimes encounter in our lives. The Polyanna is the opposite and equally annoying, so I feel pretty good about being somewhere in the middle. Life, even retirement life has its ups, downs, and evolutions. Constantly revising the plan is part of the fun.
Don’t sweat the travel thing. When you are truly motivated, you will find a way. If not, that’s okay too. We travel because we love to experience new cultures, cuisines, and geographies. I also live with a husband who loves the logistics of planning a great trip. If it were up to me, I would hop on a cruise ship, that arrives in a new port of call every day and I don’t have to strain a brain muscle to make it happen.
Once again, it sounds like you are resisting the ‘should haves’ by creating a life that suits you as an individual. Cheers to putting the top down on these past couple of amazing weeks!
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Suzanne, Can I be just a bit jealous about your logistics planning hubby? Although a couple of folks have suggested getting a good travel agent. So maybe some travel will happen at some point.
I liked the balance between being chronically miserable and an annoying Pollyanna – what great language! I don’t think I’ve ever been at either end, so I guess I am also somewhere in the middle! I am being more mindful of my negative spirals and working to stop them so I don’t enter the miserable camp at all!
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I tend to enjoy where I am. I mean, not all the time, but for the most part at this point in life I keep my dreams manageable so I can do them with relative ease. Thus I enjoy where I am. Circular thinking, I’m good at that.
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Ally, Now you have me wondering if I do circular thinking as well. I know I’m an over-thinker…but is it in circles?
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You are such a thinker!!! For the good and the bad of it!!! First off, I don’t know anyone who fits that description of the perfect retiree! And if they do, they are probably stressed out ALL THE TIME! All of that is too hard to accomplish!
Second, I don’t think you have to make a choice between follow your dream or find joy in the way you’re living today. It can be both. Following a dream (dancing for me) can add so much more joy in the life I’m living right now. Pretty sure I’m never going to be a fabulous dancer but I can try to get better. Now as I say that, I have given up the large competitions because I get too stressed out about begin good enough and winning so please don’t think I have this all figured out. It’s a work in progress. And I like to travel but you know me I don’t like to plan so I use a travel agent and then go along with (and enjoy) whatever is scheduled.
I think retirement is about being YOU and not the person you had to be for work and family. If you want to travel but don’t like the logistics, get a travel agent. We just had a fabulous trip and it was all planned out by a travel agent (one that I will use every time I travel more than just a flight and a hotel type trip). Now the caveat, well maybe two caveats, is not to stress about what they plan and then to just enjoy the trip as it is created and not worry about what you might be missing or not.
So what if your house is clutter? It’s your house! And you can live any way that works for you. I can’t find anyone to clean for me so my seems filthy most of the time. I hate cleaning and have better things to do.
Lastly, positivity is hard. Well, at least for me. I have to work on it on a daily basis. Some days I’m pretty good and some days I’m down the rabbit hole of woe is me. I would think hormonal but do we even have any of those any more?
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Wonderful comment!!!
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Candyse, this is one of the reasons I miss you so much….you tell me what I need to hear. I definitely need to think about the travel agent approach! (others recco’d that as well). I’ve never done it that way, ever. I appreciate your caveats about it too.
I chuckled at the house cleaning… I too hate cleaning (can’t even recall last time I dusted!) and with a dog, there’s dog hair 5 minutes after I sweep. Ah well, the dirt hasn’t killed us yet. And Tim is working on the clutter… slowly, but there is progress being made since the hurricane-created chaos.
Miss you girl!
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Interesting thoughts! As I get closer to retirement age (63) with my husband already 65, we’re working on our budget and bills and what our potential income will be (tricky owning a business our son is taking over). We travel now when we want but we have the disposal income now, but yes, it’s a hassle planning and anything west usually involves a 6 or 7am flight.
We like to travel but also really like to be home!
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Nancy, I too like to be home. Even though our friends home was so very welcoming and comfortable, I missed my own space! Travel might happen in the future, but right now, I’m feeling OK with just being here.
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Hi Pat – first of all I have to say that I love your photo! It looks like such fun and I can never go past a fairy-like dress-up! Next, I’ve been thinking about travel too, and as I started getting more intentional, my stress levels just started increasing – not due to the covid issues, just the logistics etc. So, I’ve backed up and I’m leaving it for a while – just because others love it, doesn’t mean it’s right for me atm. When the time comes, I’m going to use a travel agent to take away the planning stress.
All that being said, I love my life right now in this moment, and the less I worry about the future, the more I relax into the present. If I have future plans, then they’ll unfold over time while I focus my thoughts on what I have right now. You sound like your world is going well, enjoy the present while you figure out what’s next. xx
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Leanne, You totally described how travel is for me as well! Like you I am loving what I’m doing in the moment, even if some days are exhausting… it’s exhausting in a good way!
I’ve never been one to dress up for parties – not like this with a tutu and face glitter. It was quite fun! I might have to try it more often.
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