Looking back, it is interesting to explore what was taking up my mind-space this summer. With the deadly pandemic numbers, the tumbling economy with job losses & business closures, the social unrest of systemic racism, climate-change driven natural disasters, the political nightmare of hypocrisy and power plays, and even my at-home chaos of mid-move boxes and the loss of personal routines & activities, what was I thinking about this summer? What was taking up too much space in my head?
Obviously there was the Covid-19 pandemic and the uncertainty, loss, isolation, and fear that generated. I spent too much time reading (conflicting) articles and looking at (scary) data. I got numb from looking at the numbers of new cases daily in states that are meaningful to me, like Florida. With blogging buddies around the world, I unfortunately did too much Compare and Despair with their numbers as well. How could some of those blogging buddies understand what 10,000 new cases a day (in a state) really felt like? I had too much anger at the anti-maskers and the let’s-take-the-risk-and-gather people. Rallies and gatherings without masks made my blood boil, generating some passive-aggressive negative thoughts as well (“I hope they get it”). Facebook posts of friends and family gatherings brought out jealousy (“where’s my bubble people?”). Some days, my mind struggled to find space other than pandemic thinking. But when it did, there was a lot of other unproductive thinking going on!
We had family guardianship challenges, which took up more mind-space than I expected. We had the surprise need to move my SIL, in the midst of working a change of guardianship for her. Yes, a move amid the pandemic. My scenario-planning mode kicked in as I figured out what was needed, searched options, thought through the move to avoid any tantrums (SIL is mentally challenged), and dealt with checklists. Yes, multiple checklists! There was the actual physical packing and unpacking, which took time, but even more time was spent in the thinking and rethinking.
And our own move, which is pretty much all in my mind, but I’m running a series of scenarios there as well. There’s the thinking on what to move & what to get rid of, where things might fit, when to move, how to make the new house not feel cramped & chaotic, and what is needed post move. And re-running those scenarios again and again. Re-writing the checklists again and again, too.
Also in my mind-space this summer was the concept of “How do I do a shift in thinking to enjoy being a homebody?” Obviously in the current pandemic with its physical distancing and social isolation, I have become a homebody. How can I learn to love it? I need to celebrate cooking new recipes (goal is one a week, even if hubby critically comments on every single one), taking on-line classes (maybe more than one at a time?), reading books (28 this summer; 14 of which were light-hearted romance novels), and even doing the daily crossword puzzles. Can I look at a day where I don’t leave the house (except for going on the patio) as a day with “accomplishments”? Because I still do need that feeling of accomplishment in my life!
As someone who spends a lot of time in her mind (aka over-thinking everything), it was interesting to see where my head was spending time this summer. I recognize I still do too much worrying about what might happen, rethinking what I did (If only I had said/done; why didn’t I), and re-planning details (how many times must I rethink our household move and not action anything?). I’ve read a lot about mindfulness and being in the moment. Maybe it’s time to try (again) to turn my mind to the present and not worry about the future (as long as that doesn’t mean focusing on the political nightmare unfolding or daily death tolls.).
Where’s your mind-space been lately?
Photo credit – me -> sunrise the other morning.