Many folks might be surprised that I’ve dabbled in some “out-there” exploration through my years of early retirement. My exploration has included, for example, intuitive sessions, exploring spirit guides, Reiki chakra balancing, and tarot reflection readings. And most recently, these explorations lead me to do a couple of intensive astrology readings. Ironically, one of the insights in this astrology work was “because of my pragmatic focus on life, others might not think of me as mystical or interested in otherworldly things”!
This newest exploration was a fascinating journey in a number of ways. When doing this astrological reading, I needed not only the day and place of my birth, but also the time. Identifying the time presented a problem – my birth certificate was not at all clear if it was AM or PM! And unfortunately it was 60 yeas ago and my mom could not recall that fact either. I decided it was AM, and proceeded to get the reading from a site highly recommended by a friend who has done quite a bit in the mystical arena.
The first reading could not have been more wrong! No, it was not denial…it really was not me. Nobody who knows me, even if they are surprised by my interest in the otherworldly, would ever say I “relish a good fight about ideas and enjoy playing agent provocateur, stirring the pot”. Nor could anyone ever say that I am “resistant to structure”. And then there were statements like, “you do not need anyone’s stamp of approval” and “you actively rebel against structures and rules. In fact you have little tolerance for rules and might break a rule simply to break it.’ Accommodation, external validation, structure, and rules are my life! Obviously I was not born in the AM.
Luckily, on conversation with the astrology team at the website, they quickly did another reading for me, 12 hours later (PM versus AM). And yes, this one was definitely “me”. I ended up doing two different readings. One about vocation where I was hoping to help figure out where I might direct myself going forward as many things have gone to the sidelines with Covid-19. The second was a psychological reading, where I was hoping for a little bit more “know thyself” insight.
I’ve often talked about living in the “oxymoronic space of both Being and Doing”. And apparently, that is my unique challenge. Finding the balance between my pragmatic, stability-seeking, realistic, doing side and the imaginative, mystical, visioning, being side. My strong need for stability and security does not often allow my creative, playful imaginative side to come out. I do find pleasure from “incarnating my imaginative inspirations into solid forms”; there is my love of creating frameworks and lists! The readings encouraged me to be more willing to experiment and try out creative ideas and to take advantage of opportunities even if I believe I cannot accomplish them! (I tend to do things I know I can accomplish.) As I move forward, I need to be more willing to take a bit of risk, contained in context of a stable, safe structure, of course.
It was hard to “hear” that while I yearn for a more exciting life, I tend to do nothing concrete about those cravings. I prefer to live in provisional world of “someday I will” and cling to the existential security of what is in place.
It was challenging to see my self-limiting beliefs called out. For example, my belief that love is based on performance & what you achieve (not who you are); my deep dependence on validation of others; and my resistance to change because I assume any change will be bad.
The readings encouraged me to focus on sensual satisfaction – the appreciation/ savoring of color, texture, smell, and sound. I also need to spend more time in nature and become attuned to rhythms of the natural world. I liked the phrase “embrace an earthy sensuality”.
Net, I need to be more receptive to life’s mysteries than I am comfortable with, because it is in this inner space (the less tangible mystical realm) I will find the inspiration to my life’s meaning!
As I move forward, I will be exploring how do I let go of my natural pragmatism, respect for routines, and need for material security and allow the inner abstract world of fantasy and imagination out? (Ideas welcome!) I will also explore how I can embrace my ability to see patterns (a sixth sense to “discern subtle connections between apparently disparate facts and circumstances, see a story or broader pattern”) and turn that into something tangible.
Have you explored the mystical? If interested, I would recommend this site (astro.com link here) for your own reading as it definitely gave me something to think about!
Photo credit: me! August full moon backyard view – attuning to the natural world.