In my last blog (link here), I identified my need for more emotional regulation and what that might entail. Consistent themes emerged from my exploration into this topic – practicing breathing tools, continuing to work on shifting deeply held beliefs, and focusing my energy.
It has come down to 3 basic skills to work on:
The Pause and Breathe – Pausing and grounding myself when I have been triggered, tuning into my emotion (labeling, sensing where in the body I feel it), and using a breath coping skill.
- When you hear expectations, when you hear rejection, when you hear you are (or what you do is) worthless… PAUSE, BREATHE
- When your mind is racing, when frustrations take over, when you feel the need to blow up and rage… PAUSE, BREATHE
- When you start to (once again) think, “I am not good enough”… PAUSE, BREATHE
This skill requires me to practice breath techniques so they are innate.
Change the Story – This feels a bit like Taming the Shrew – tame that loud, persistent (“you are never good enough”) inner voice that makes me feel unworthy and dependent on approval. As I think about my stories (meta-awareness time!) I need to recognize what deep self-limiting beliefs are in those stories so I can re-write them with new language. Yes, write a new story. And create and use mantra/positive affirmations for my new story – write it, read it, say it out loud. Build in daily affirmations like “I appreciate me, I value me, I recognize my strengths. I am good enough. I do not need external validation. I am safe. I can be my own unapologetically unique self.”
An Energy Assessment – I’ve had this quote on my vision board for many years – “Where your attention goes, so your energy flows”. I used it to focus activity choices. But energy is more than attention. Where does my energy flow? Thoughts and beliefs generate energy. Situations and interactions generate energy. Are they building positive energy or sucking away energy?
In my day-to-day activities, what is exhausting and what is fun? Am I doing this activity because it brings me joy or because I feel obligated to? Who do I vibe with? Who is toxic to me? Do I really want to give my energy to this situation/person? It’s time to refocus my energy on who I want to be, where I want to be. How am I minimizing or removing the energy drains from my daily environment? It’s time to be intentional with my words, my thoughts, my connections, and my actions on where my energy flows. This intentionality is not going to be easy, as I have made commitments to things that are draining me.
Even with this new focus on building my emotional regulation, I will continue to activate my Retirement Lifestyle Vision of Active Body, Connected Heart, Contemplative Mind, Creative Spirit. Because the other quote I’ve been living my life by is “create a life by design, not by default”. And a reminder that my life by design includes:
- Love your body – move it, feed it well, hydrate it, rest it, be aware of your energy flow.
- Connect with others – foster individual friendships with people I genuinely feel I can be myself with and who generate positive vibes.
- Create – enjoy the engagement (do not worry about the mastery).
- Laugh & play more – see the ridiculous, laugh at the irritations, delight in the simple things, have fun, do the things you love to do.
- Quiet time – time to be, work on those grounding and breath skills, spend time re-writing my story and trusting my intuition.
In 2026, I am intentionally choosing to get back to living, not just surviving. Increasing my emotional regulation will certainly help with that intention.
Do you feel you have strong emotional regulation? Any other tips for me to work on?
Picture Credit: a picture from a local garden walk this past week – getting out into nature.
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We have had a couple of rough weeks in my family with all the turmoil in our country. My family is struggling and I need to remember to pause and breathe. Thank you.I like what you said about creating. Finally, finally, finally I am enjoying creating and not worrying some much that the final product is ‘perfect.’ It has been very liberating. And I am much more relaxed as I scrapbook and paint. Also getting more done because I don’t second and third guess everything I do.
Hope you continue to move toward really living and thriving this year!!
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Hi Pat – I like all your intentional choices here – and the fact that they’re based around recognizing when you need to change the narrative. I’m not good with mantras and trying to talk myself into better patterns (I wish I was because it would be a great skill) but I do believe that recognizing patterns as they appear means we act on them faster and move out of them faster – which means we’re back to living a happier life more quickly. Here’s to a happy 2026!
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Leanne, I’m so-so with mantras. I’ve been successful a few times, and then struggled to do them at other times. For me the Pause is going to be even harder. I’ve been called a fast-thinker, and I can react so quickly. Right now, i’m focusing a bit more on energy as that’s the last couple of over-reaction moments. Over-reacting to negative energy sources. I know you can relate to the idea of negative energy source person! Always a work in progress.
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