I’m continuing to love the Spirit of a Hippie FaceBook posts most mornings as they feel so relatable at the moment. A paraphrase of one last week: “Some days the churn in my gut or the constriction in my chest overwhelms. It might seem like I’m shutting others out, but I need time to just be with the broken pieces of myself. I’m not feeling strong. My emotions are getting the best of me. I am making mistakes. I am trying to accept the mess – the mess of me, the mess that is. I am also getting up each day and simply putting one foot in front of the other.”
The mess that is. It feels so appropriate. And so, I explored messiness.
I’ve never been able to join the anti-clutter movement. With a hubby who 1) firmly believes if one of something is good, five is better; 2) is a garbage picker and a hoarder (you never know when you might need it); 3) believes every horizontal surface is designed to be piled upon, and 4) has limited organizational skills, decluttering our home was a fantasy. Then there’s me. Despite reading about Marie Kondo’s “does it bring you joy” approach, I had a hard time letting go of art work/art pieces, my books, and my memorabilia. I joked often that we bought a second home so I would have more space for artwork. Even though for years decluttering was the thing to do, I was never going to have a tidy, beautifully styled, minimalist home with clever storage solutions and strategically placed art.
Despite this abysmal failure at decluttering, Mother Nature did a good bit of decluttering for us with the hurricanes. But even with the hurricane loss of a lot of what others might say is “clutter”, we actually still have a lot of stuff. Right now, we have an absolutely cluttered, messy apartment with things piled in every single corner and on every surface! We have boxes and bags packed randomly and sitting in three different physical locations and the mess of not knowing if we salvaged something or not, and if so, where it might be. Yes, still too much stuff, too much clutter, too much mess.
What a relief to read that it’s now apparently OK to embrace the mess that comes with normal life. While our culture still seems to associate messiness with laziness, there is growing scientifically-backed evidence that messiness can be considered good for you! Messiness can stimulate creativity by encouraging unconventional, divergent thinking. Messiness can allow you to break free from traditional patterns and make unexpected connections. Working in a slightly messy environment, compared to a tidy one, can lead to more innovative ideas.
And so, I will try to embrace the mess. When we return to our (to be built) home, I know there will be cluttered countertops that keep the items we use every day at our fingertips. There will be lovingly displayed but chaotic art on the walls and shelves. There will be cabinets and drawers packed full of odds and ends we might need someday. But I do hope there will not be randomly packed bags and boxes stacked in every corner nor piles of paper on every single surface! There’s mess and then there’s MESS!
Does knowing that messiness is OK relieve you from the “should” of decluttering?
Picture Credit: A giant gnome from a garden tour this week, just because..
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I allow my craft room to get messy but even there, I can only take so much and have to clean it up. When we were selling our house, we uncluttered a lot of counters and we decided we kind of liked it. But I also like the cozy feel of having things around, so I’m not abandoning my stuff, but becoming more choosy. There are certain things that should have a home and I have to remind my husband of that. I hate that he hangs his coat over a counter stool when the closet is only steps away. I guess you could say I don’t like clutter but I do like a feeling of fullness that comes with having the things I truly love displayed. I choose “lived in” over minimal any day.
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I laughed as we are both known to toss a coat on the back of a chair instead of hanging it up! I’ve also done a massive declutter and then watched it slowly clutter backup …so I guess our normal is clutter chaos.
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I don’t believe in *should* so I’d feel no stress about this matter. Some are messy, some are not. As they say, vive la différence!
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Ally, I try so hard to not Compare & Despair! Vive la difference, you do you…. I’m gonna keep working on it.
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Some of us function better with a bit of messiness, some are more comfortable when everything is neat and tidy. I would guess that most of us – me, included – are somewhere in between. The quote that Suzanne shared reminded me of the one that my mother had on her desk (proof, I guess that I was gifted with the messy desk gene), “Those with a tidy desk will never feel the joy of finding something they thought was irretrievable lost.”
Have you heard the term Cluttercore? You might want to google it to learn more about the design trend.
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Thanks Janis, I will look into Cluttercore.
An interesting quote – we are experiencing moments of finding things we thought were lost. And really hope that more of those moments will happen in the future, as we begin to unpack random boxes that were packed away with salvaged bits and pieces of our life.
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Pat, I think it’s interesting that social media or current manias seem to dictate what is right – what is the “right way to do things”. I’m as guilty as anyone trying first to de-clutter and now, accepting it. I think leannelc has it right when she says it’s an individual preference…some work better with a “clean slate”, others need their work areas filled with inspiration (so much nicer to say than clutter). I know I fall in between. I like to have things at my fingertips in the kitchen so a clean, empty counter does not work. However, I try not to let things accumulate on every horizontal surface. In my creative space, I too strike a balance, surrounding myself with mementos, art work, creative “boosters” yet keeping my work table open enough to pull out fabric, jewelry findings/beads, my journals – whatever I am working on at that time. It works for me…but we are all different…I think we need to worry less about what everyone else is doing and more on what our heart tells us.
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Ruth, I’m going to cut that last line and remind myself of it often: “I will worry less about what everyone else is doing and more on what my heart tells me!” And personally, I’m probably in between as well… but hubby is by far a mess king (and no, he can never find things!).
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“Clear & creative thinking for me occurs in an orderly, open space. The pragmatic side of me says there’s only so much space to contain belongings. Having “a place for everything & everything in its place” also saves time for me when on the hunt for something. Clutter & mess can overwhelm me. On the other hand, homes are meant to be lived in. The Libra in me looks for balance. I recently managed a rental property. An experienced property manager warned me that it would not be my business how the renters kept house or garden as long as there wasn’t physical damage. I’m reminded of that each time I enter their home & see the kitchen surfaces piled high with stuff. Like Leanne commented, “You do you.”
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I’m not sure how to get over the feeling of embarrassment when folks come over to a messy house. It’s not dirty, it’s just yes, things are piled on all every single surface. I’m pretty sure if it was just me, it would not be that bad. Ah well, It’s kinda “love me, love my mess”. And I need to deal with my own feeling of embarassment.
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Pat, my husband used to have a plaque that read, ‘A messy desk is a sign of genius.’ Well, if that is true, he must be the smartest guy on the planet. His messiness extends to every surface in the house. I like order but also embrace a ‘lived-in’ look in our home, so I tolerate his messiness to an extent. I don’t bitch (much) about how he keeps his office or the garage, (everyone should have a creative space) but when it extends to our living space, I have limits.
I function better in an orderly and aesthetically pleasing environment, with clean, or at least well-organized surfaces. I can handle excess clutter temporarily but at some point, everything needs to find a home. Even if it is a storage unit nearby.
I have some experience with downsizing and can relate to what you are going through. Remember, it is temporary and you can put up with anything for a short while. It will get better.
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Suzanne, I have been known to invite people over so hubby cleans up the joint living space. But now, our Florida home is so open (past and planned), it’s become more challenging. The current mess I know is temporary. I’m hoping with the hurricane-declutter there might be less mess going forward – we certainly have less stuff. I’m also pushing in the new elevated design some additional storage space “under” the house. it will be an ongoing give and take I am sure!
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Be careful. You are now in an apt and the rules are different about what constitutes a mess. Take it from one who knows. Apt managers do not look kindly upon “messes,” but are ready to stick it to you if you do not conform to their idea of a pristine apt dweller. Take care.
I am downsizing with one hand on a cane and there is not even leniency for that. Landlords choose their own times to inspect their properties and they may not conform to resident schedules. You are the ones who MUST conform or you are out. Plain and simple. And if you live in an area where many are looking to rent due to disasters, the worse it gets. If they can move you out to get the going higher rates, they will do so. That is what I face in CA.
Good luck to us both!🙏🦾
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So sorry to here your situation! I would say most of our current mess is controlled… a “clean mess” I would call it. Lots of boxes stacked. We also have a landlord that is very aware and understanding that we are displaced.
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Hi Pat – I think messiness or minimalism or maximalism are all individually decided. My husband and I are both fairly minimal and like clutter-free surfaces, but I have no problem with other people filling their homes with whatever makes them happy. I think you’ll find a lot of joy when it comes to moving into your new home – having so much space to fill with whatever your heart feels drawn to. I also think that anyone who judges what another person loves is not someone I want to spend a lot of time with – it all comes back to ‘you do you….and I’ll do me…..and we’ll cheer each other on’ whether it’s in amongst the mess, or over a cuppa on a clear surface. It is really not a big deal unless we make it one. Be kind to yourself in the midst of your mess – it’ll sort itself out gradually. x
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I try hard to embrace the “you do you… I’ll do me” but it’s a battle to remember that at times. Like with every declutter magazine article. It was nice to see a positive comment given to mess!
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Loved this. I’m no Marie Kondo fan but I do have limits. My husband did not. Shortly after we married I asked him, sotto voce and with caution, if there were a sentimental value to the collection of dusty wine bottles with wax dripping down their sides crammed into a corner space. “Nooo . . .,” he replied; “it’s just that if you threw them out it would be so . . . bare.” Over the long good years of my good marriage we negotiated enough bare spaces (not including his desk!) for mutual survival.
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I love the “mutual survival” idea! I might use that term when negotiating for some of his mess minimization.
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My husband is quite messy, and I have failed to declutter for all the reasons you describe. I don’t normally read self-help books, but I read The Let Them Theory over the holidays. I got a lot out of it. In particular, it really helped me accept my husband’s messiness and to quit hassling him about it. There are a lot of other nuggets in the book for those of us who try to manage other people!
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It’s nice to know someone else has similar situation! I’ve heard of that theory but not read the book. Perhaps I will look into in more….for some of those nuggets you mentioned.
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