I believe the Universe sends messages, if you’re open to hearing them. For me, being a lover of words, they tend to come in things I read. In Facebook posts, in blogger’s words, in essays I read, or in things I research (like my recent exploration of living with uncertainty – blog post link here).
I follow a number of inspirational Facebook sites so similar ones pop-up on my feed – those FB algorithms! Spirit of a Hippie is a new favorite; Donna Ashford an oldie but goodie. Even just looking to find those site’s names to include here I saw these messages:
“Good things take time to come to fruition.”
“What fills your life with comfort?”
I love when these words I seem to stumble across speak to where I am.
Recently, however, I’ve been getting conflicting messages from the Universe!
Take the Pause <-> Don’t Wait
Because we have experienced a “life-quake” (isn’t that an amazing term for a major life disruption), a significant ending, we are now in the messy middle of transitioning to something new. The “messy middle” of any life transition is a real stage between the ending and the new beginning and is where you are not sure of the future. I faced this stage in my early retirement transition (link here back in Aug 2015) but there I talked about 3 phases of transition as “let it go, let it be, and let it begin”. With my retirement, while it was sooner than expected, it was still a choice I made to retire. I still needed to let go of the past in many ways, but I knew it was a transition by choice. Now, we’ve been forced to leave the “old life” behind – it was pretty much wiped away in the hurricanes. This time, being in the messy middle is not by choice. And, perhaps some mental let it go is still needed as well.
Besides the term “messy middle” there are many other terms for this middle stage of transition – the liminal phase, the neutral ground, the in-between, a forced pause. It is the time between the familiar old way of life and unfamiliar new. You aren’t where you were and you aren’t where you are going yet. It is where you grieve what no longer is and where you aren’t sure which path to take forward.
On the Pause side of things – messages from the Universe:
In this “messy middle” transitional stage, you’re encouraged to pause and breathe, to cocoon and rest, to spend time just being. This stage is also uncomfortable, uncertain, and overwhelming. And because of all that uncertainty, you’re encouraged to “sit with it,” to pause and let it be, to work through losses, to be non-productive, to be quiet, to embrace the mess. You are encouraged to not-rush things, to allow for time to release and to grieve.
On the Don’t Wait side of things – a different message from the Universe:
“Don’t wait is an encouragement to step fully into life. Don’t miss this moment waiting for the next one to arrive.” Instead of pinning our hopes on a better future, we need to focus on the present and being grateful for what we have in front of us right now, living every day as fully and completely as possible. Also, in the “don’t wait” side of things, this quote: “Don’t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.” I also took the message to: Don’t wait to book the trip, don’t wait to use the good dishes, don’t wait to live how you want to live. Get moving!
I understand the “Don’t Wait” concept and have used my own mantra of “Today is Someday” to push myself to stop putting things off till someday. But there is my current reality of struggling to plan and the challenge of restarting habits. Apparently lack of initiation is a common response to my situation. (It was nice to read that at least my current behavioral responses are normal!) The fact that the good dishes are all in storage for who knows how long is not helping either.
But I am taking the “Don’t Wait” message a bit to heart with the new-build. Even though we said “Never again” to building after the last house we built, we are proceeding with building a new elevated house (it’s our current plan anyway). And we are going to put in it the things we really want – from a farmhouse sink in the kitchen to a standing-seam metal roof to an elevator.
In all this wait/don’t wait conundrum, I did find a few more ideas for me, the doer (who does need to find some time to just be):
- Explore something new about where I am now. There are things good about this space we are in, even if it’s a not-totally-great situation (apartment living is very different than house living). Focus on those good things.
- Apparently, life in the middle of a transition provides a wonderful time to rid yourself of extra clutter and we are definitely doing that. So far, we have taken 18 bags of clothing, linens, and shoes to charity shops! I’m expecting when we eventually unpack in the new space to push for more decluttering in kitchen items.
- Get those new habits started. “Habit is what keeps you going.” And make one of those new habits quiet time!
Then this message came as I was drafting the blog. “It’s an and. Eat the chocolate and have the salad. Stay up late dancing with the crowd and do quiet solo yoga meditation. Move and stay still. Be brave & bold and find stillness & patience.” I guess it’s not as much a conundrum – it is both “pause & let it be”, and “don’t wait, live each day fully, in the now.”
And I need to remember that it’s temporary, that we will move back into our neighborhood at some point, and that I won’t be in this transitional space, uncertain and chaotic, forever.
Picture: none … it’s a pause!
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retirementtransition 
When you study improvisational acting you learn to say “AND” all the time as a way of keeping the story going. I think you’re onto something with this post and… 😉
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Improv terrifies me. Literally. There was a time when it was the “corporate thing” to bring in Improv training to help teams. I had a panic attack when they made me go up to do it. My pro partner literally kept saying, “Pat, you need to breathe”. It was not a good time. I have personally always loved the “&”. Thinking about blending masculine & feminine traits, both doing & being. I’m trying hard to both wait & not wait!
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Sorry, pressed the wrong key. Like the transition of labor. You said it so well in your description on the pause side of things. We humans can be so resilient as you’re demonstrating. Our purpose is to keep moving forward. Take care.
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Pat, I sense a return to the “old” Pat in this blog, i.e. the analytical Pat with a view to the future. I can’t even imagine what it is like to lose so much at the hands of Nature. When I read your previous posts re: the aftermath, the word that came to mind was transition. I often liken that period to the transition of labor
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Oh, thank you for that insight! I am feeling a bit better from the total numbness of the first weeks. There’s a blur to much of that time. There are still meltdowns and I’m now going back and exploring how I personally dealt with grief, as this is definitely where I am now.
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I really like the AND idea Pat – you can’t rush big transitions, and sometimes you just need to live in the mess and uncertainty and discomfort until you come out the other side (really hard to do!) When you were writing about terms for the in-between stage I remembered a post I wrote a while back about the Fertile Void and thought I’d share a quote from it…. “There’s often a letting go, a grief or mourning involved. A death of self or what once was. The ending of things that were once important. Relationships, jobs, identities, ways of being. The fertile void asks that we honor endings to begin again. It’s a crucial part of growth and new isn’t possible without it.“
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I vaguely recall that post, so thanks for re-sharing. I was actually already drafting my next post which was re-looking at grieving and mourning. It’s always amazing to me how often our thinking aligns! I am definitely dealing with grief, again. But this time, I don’t have the business of dealing with the estate to help me avoid the feelings!
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Yes, the AND!! Combine both messages. Build in some intentionally quiet time into your days but also take steps to embrace the good things in life right now and to move forward toward rebuilding your lives. I am dreadfully impatient. I would be ignoring the pause button and trying to move in fast forward but I know that wouldn’t necessarily be wise.
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I was starting to think about a possible WOTY for 2025 and came up with 3 P’s – Pause, Patience, and Peace. I am not a patient person by nature – I’m a make a decision and get it done kinda girl. Right now, there is a lot of waiting – waiting on other people to do their job(s), waiting in “line”, just waiting to know the answers to so many questions. So yes, intentionality for the quiet, acceptance of what is, and looking for the joy in the day… all things I’m focusing on.
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