This post is a set of random thoughts, none of which I’ve been able to push out into a full blog post. Perhaps it’s a reflection of the jumble my brain is in as we continue executing the Big Move!
- I’ve realized one of my life challenges – Hubby is always expecting the worst versus I am always expecting the best. (Does this mean I have a life in balance?) The latest example of this: I’m assuming a quick sale of our Ohio house (there’s little on the market and houses are selling super fast) and Hubby assumes we will have issues. OK, we have had issues before in selling. One home we put on the market to sell in late August 2001. Yes, that year’s September horror meant no showings for 4 months. And then we put our beach cottage on the market to sell in February of 2020. March of 2020? Maybe everyone should be wary this week!
- An Aha moment in my “hearing things” was when I began to realize that my inner critical voice was telling me things that were irrational! My inner voice was expressing envy of people getting vaccines and then telling me I was “less than” (incompetent) because I was not doing everything to find an appointment (others are successful, why aren’t you?). How crazy was this? (Although I am happy to say I did eventually “score” appointments for both myself and hubby… and felt like I won the lottery getting them!)
- More on Courage: the courage to accept, the courage to try:
- Brene Brown: Fitting in is when you change who are in order to be accepted by others. Belonging is when you are accepted by others because of who you are. I’ve been trying to fit in my whole life, accommodating myself to others needs, meeting or exceeding expectations, being the “good girl”, following the rules, being the responsible one, making sure i’s were dotted and t’s were crossed. I recall a few years back saying I wanted to be bad…. not bad enough to land in jail, the hospital, or divorce court, but rebel just a bit. I haven’t rebelled at all; is it time to?
- The Serenity Prayer captures 3 elements of my current development (Enneagram) and shifts things a bit from my Courage to Accept thinking: God grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot change; Courage to Change the things I can. And Wisdom to know the difference. I’ve chosen Courage as my WOTY and wrote about the Courage to Accept (link here). This prayer shifts that thinking to the serenity to accept. Serenity and acceptance show up in my Enneagram development areas as well. I’ve certainly needed to focus on calming breaths as we plan and execute the Big Move!
- Albert Einstein: “A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.” One of my big action steps is having the Courage to activate a few of the “Someday I Will” items on my to-do list. Fear of making a mistake and being seen as less than (less than perfect, looking foolish, not able to do it right) are definitely holding me back on a few of these items.
- Some affirmation from Shannon Kaiser were very inspirational, these are my variations from some of her writings:
- I let go of what I can’t change. I release my trying to control things I cannot control. Instead of trying to force things to go a certain way, I trust the universe is working on my behalf.
- I release all expectations and allow myself to be in the flow of life. I embrace the journey and let things unfold naturally. The situations I am in are part of my life plan. I release all expectations and trust things are as they should be.
- I look forward to my new beginnings. I trust the process. I am open to living my life in refreshing new ways. I am hopeful in all areas of my life.
Picture credit: me…my dogwood tree in bloom 🙂
retirementtransition 
Pat, this move is huge! Bigger than I imagined and really understood until seeing you the other day and reading up on your blogs. You are a talented writer and have a way of weaving what others are thinking, questioning, wondering, and searching to accomplish. The best thing is you have always been loved and appreciated for you!!! Well, having a dog helped start things. We love you!!!!!
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First of all, your dogwood tree is beautiful. I do love spring. Second, I enjoyed your random thoughts. Thank you for putting them out there for us. Good luck with the sale of your house. The affirmations you shared with us fit perfectly in this scenario…trusting that the Universe is working on your behalf and focusing your energy on those things you can control, releasing everything else. May you feel at ease.
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Christie, I keep returning to the focus on what I can control mantra! Often at 3 AM when my mind is racing. Good news, we have a signed contract to sell the house. A big sigh of relief…and onto the 101 other things needed to be done to move.
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Oh I hear you on someone appreciating us. I think I said to my husband just the other day, I want to recognised and respected. He was “kind of puzzled”…but understood. I think we women ( I know I am) are being sick of taking everything from everyone and not being noted nor well understood. Off my soapbox now.
Thank you for linking up for Life This Week. Next week, the optional prompt is Interesting. My post will be a continuation of Telling My Story as I am wanting to wrap the series up. It’s great to have your blogging support on my link up. Thank you. Denyse
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Oh I hear you on someone appreciating us. I think I said to my husband just the other day, I want to recognised and respected. He was “kind of puzzled”…but understood. I think we women ( I know I am) are being sick of taking everything from everyone and not being noted nor well understood. Off my soapbox now.
Thank you for linking up for Life This Week. Next week, the optional prompt is Interesting. My post will be a continuation of Telling My Story as I am wanting to wrap the series up. It’s great to have your blogging support on my link up. Thank you. Denyse
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Sorry…I did double comment
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Denyse, Not a soapbox. I know one of the reasons I’ve distanced more and more from my in-laws (who live here in town!) is that I don’t think they respect me and they certainly never acted like they appreciated what I did to try and keep the family connected. I’m more upset about leaving my friends who do appreciate me and tell me so! We absolutely need the people around us to express appreciation – for what we do, for who we are to them.
I’m enjoying the new link-up. I rarely follow your prompts as I haven’t ever really done that approach to blogging. As long as you’re Ok with that, I’d like to keep linking… it’s been fun to find some new folks to read as well.
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I sure am glad for you to join in when you can and off prompt is just fine. Thank you!
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The photo of your lovely dogwood reminds me of an arrangement of artificial dogwood branches my mother always had in a vase in her bedroom. Thank you for stirring that memory.
I have no doubt that you are going to take off and thrive once you get this move behind you. May can’t come fast enough. I know you are still in the trenches, getting the house in Ohio on the market and getting everything sorted for the Big Move. But just imagine that in a few short weeks this will all be behind you. And you will be trying new adventures, making new friends, having new experiences. And making Florida your forever home.
The Serenity Prayer is reassuring and a good reminder that there are some things beyond our control. I have been almost desperate in the last two weeks for just a little peace. I can’t keep all the crazy from happening but I can control my reaction to the crazy. Tomorrow I WILL find a few moments of peace and solitude if I have to lock myself in the closet.
Hang in there, my friend. XO
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Leslie, I’m taking pictures of lots of things in bloom because it’s the last spring we are living in this area. Florida spring is very, very different! I also recognize that this craziness is short term, and I will get through it. I’m trying very hard not to run scenarios repeatedly in my head, not to image worse case issues, and to focus one day at a time. Tomorrow the house goes on the market… fingers crossed all goes well and we can move to the next step!
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Sometimes it’s good to get your “random thoughts” down on paper. You are going through a lot of changes and it can be hard to focus on one big thing. My comments will be equally as random: Yay for getting your vaccine appointments! I agree with your optimism on selling your house. the market is going nuts here too and houses are routinely selling way above the asking price. Hard to believe this is happening during a pandemic, but there you are 🙂 . I love Brene Brown’s quote on fitting in vs. belonging. Although most of us have tried to fit in now and then, there is nothing like the true feeling of belonging.
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Janis, Years ago, I told someone I wanted to be “Norm” from Cheers. I wanted to walk in somewhere where everybody knew me, welcomed me, where I belonged. It wasn’t until I was leaving my career that I realized I had that at work. Of the 250+ people in my organization, I knew more than 80% by name and probably 50% well enough to ask them about their specific project or even their family. I definitely do not have that sense of belonging anywhere right now, but maybe it will happen again in the future.
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That feeling when you get your first vaccine appointment is a good one. I did a little dance in my wife’s office afterwards. Ours came about by happenstance: we picked up a small card at the public library that said “County Vaccine Hotline” along with a phone number. I didn’t know our county had a vaccine hotline! Lo and behold a real person answered on the first ring, took our names, and set up appointments for both shots. I felt like I had gone back into a time warp to the 1960’s in calling a doctor’s office. Anyway, good on you for getting one. – Marty
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Marty, I’m so glad I wasn’t only one doing the happy dance. My hubby had a “whatever” response. But I think now that we’ve had both shots and are days away from being able to go out for dinner with friends with less worry, maybe he’s happy I found us both slots. Isn’t if funny how talking to an actual person on the phone to get something done is “old fashioned”!?
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Hi Pat, maybe this is a little off-topic, but when my husband retired, he had some difficulty finding balance in his life. His identity had been tied to his work for so long, he missed the respect of people who knew him in that context. Retirement meant a whole new set of people who don’t know his past accomplishments, and who frankly do not care. It took a while to realize that retirement is a bit like starting over, but this time around, you get to invent what fulfillment looks like and feels like. If you don’t like your first few attempts, just keep tweaking until you are satisfied that you have achieved your most authentic self. I like your approach to ‘random thoughts’ as a post. Sometimes that is what life gives you and from my point of view, it’s enough.
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Suzanne, not off topic at all as it’s always about retirement transition. But I have to ask….were you looking over my shoulder as I was drafting next weeks blog post? I might have to go back and edit in “just keep tweaking until you’re satisfied” ! I’m also going to think about … did I do all the different things because I was looking for respect or recognition? An interesting question!
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Pat, I raised that issue because it seems to be a fairly common condition among the newly retired. I remember going through a phase of taking on a series of volunteer positions that felt like jobs. I needed to simulate structure and feelings of accomplishment. Glad I grew out of that!
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Your dogwood is beautiful! I am still waiting for ours to bloom. I love what Brene Brown has to say about fitting in vs. belonging. It opened my eyes when I read it for the first time. There is a very good Netflix show that is Brene giving a talk. Have you seen it? Hubby and I watched it together and both got a lot out of it.
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Laurie, Believe it or not, we don’t have NetFlix! I am considering getting it after we move. So far hubby has been fine with Prime, Disney+ and Spectrum. I’d rather read a book than watch TV, so it’s not been that big a deal. But lots of folks have mentioned things that they love watching there, so maybe it’s time!
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Hi Pat! I agree with Leanne that your “random thoughts” is a good way to approach all the things that float around in our heads all the time. I think that’s why I like doing Julia Cameron’s “morning pages” so much, it allows me to get those thoughts out on paper to see if they are just clouds floating by or something worth pursuing. And they also allow me to see what re-occurring thoughts keep resurfacing like feeling like I want to “fit-in” or belong as well as some of those fear thoughts that pop up (especially when they are irrational.) Of course with that said I do think your idea of “random thoughts” is a good one because I am constantly coming across new ideas that I think might lead to a blog post but never get around to writing about. Maybe by lumping a few of those together I just might have a blog post–hahaha! Thanks for the idea! ~Kathy
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Kathy – Feel free to steal the idea! I chuckled at your morning pages comment, because a few of these were in my journal, marked with a “possible blog” idea code. Then I started writing and they didn’t really expand out. Or maybe my brain right now just couldn’t expand them… but it did give me a nice post to fit into our move craziness. And I’m wondering if comments on this post might spur into a bigger post, too. I do know I will be writing more on the last affirmation… what I’m looking forward to after the move.
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I like the Einstein quote. I have a goal this year of trying 101 new things and it has gone well so far. Your comment about not doing something because you might look foolish reminds me of the last cruise or two I have been on. On the Lido deck there is always a “sail away” party with music and dancing. I look around and see everyone cutting loose but think to myself “that looks fun but I’m not doing it because I would look foolish”. I need to get over that and cut loose a little on our next cruise!
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Well, let’s start with, I know you and I think you are fabulous just the way you are!
I totally get the whole people pleaser- I’m one myself. For me, I bring a medium amount of “me”to the table and then try to conform the rest of the way. Always thinking, “I’m too…….” add in fat, loud, big haired, flashy, etc. That list can go on and on. Not to mention there is the, “I’m not….” add in smart enough, fit enough, pretty enough, etc.
And girl, I still want to be “bad”. Or do things that are a little crazy. A little “wild hair” kinda thing! So, I’m so with you whenever!!
And I call the optimism, “keeping my rose colored glasses on”. It’s more joyful to stay positive.
Keep up being you! And thanks for reminding me that I should be me.
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Candyse, I never would have guessed you also try and conform (or accommodate, the term I use)! I can tell you, with absolute certainty… you are NOT fat, loud, big haired or flashy. I admire your “put together-ness” and wish I could emulate it! You are also one of the smartest women I know and I love having “smart” conversations with you. I wonder what we would get up to if we decided to be “bad” together?!!
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Of, if I could only let go of things I can’t change — from house-selling anxiety to vaccine anxiety and a hundred other things. But we keep trying, don’t we . . .
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Hi Pat – lots of thoughts floating through your head atm – and I know what you mean about thinking things but not in enough fulness to turn them into a post on their own. I think a lot of us are at an age and stage where we want to be brave enough to choose what we want to try or who we want to become – without fear of failure or criticism. I said a big “No” to someone the other day and said I was speaking “my truth” these days and not being talked into things where I wasn’t appreciated. He was a bit taken aback – but it sure felt good to put some boundaries in place!
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Leanne, I’m realizing that being appreciated is a big part of what I need…and am not getting. I want to be appreciated for acts of kindness, which kinda defeats the random act of kindness mantra! I want to be appreciated for donating things, but these days it’s all socially-distanced and you don’t even get a thank you. I want to be appreciated for planning a fun activity for friends, but nothing happening there. Good for you to say no to something where you knew you would not be appreciated!
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